Page 11 | My husband strangled me

WhingyNinja · 09/11/2018 19:56

Well done @BaconHead, such a positive update. All the very best to you

Varmints · 09/11/2018 20:12

Good luck op.

toothfairy73 · 09/11/2018 20:21

@BaconHead so glad you are ok. You are doing the right thing. It must have taken so much courage to tell someone IRL. You are stronger and braver than you realise. So glad you have a plan. Deviate from it if you need to, to keep yourself safe; like has already been said, if you need to get out sooner, do. Please let us know when you are safe. Sending a big hug xxx

Excited101 · 09/11/2018 20:55

You need to be strong op, you need to be strong for your children. He will do everything he can to get you to stay, and he has learnt how to speak to you to get you to do what he wants. He does not have the children’s best interests at heart and has been brainwashing you. Think about what you would say to a friend if it was happening to her.

Get out of there, it’s no way to live.

Mxyzptlk · 11/11/2018 01:59

I'm glad you're taking action, BaconHead.
I hope you've been to the doctor but of course you don't have to tell us on here if you have.
Get your preparations made and I hope it all goes well for you, but get yourself and the children out at the first sign of trouble.

spoon19996 · 11/11/2018 02:40

Leave him ASAP

LadyoftheChateau · 11/11/2018 07:09

I was the victim of attempted murder this year after I ended the relationship because he pushed me. It started off very minor and ended very severely. I urge that you consider not just your safety now but your safety when you've seperated. Separation is one of the greatest times of risk and clearly is capable of causing you very significant harm. I never for a second thought he could do what he did to me but he did. Nobody is all bad, but that doesn't mean they aren't capable. Take care OP. Please report this to the police. I know now my ex had been violent in 4 relationships but this only came to light when the story hit the media. If only I had known.......

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 11/11/2018 09:09

A friend of mine in a DV situation was repeatedly told by her DH that it would be his word against hers and that no one would listen to her as he was a professional. (A psychiatrist no less).

He really played on this to stop her reporting him.

The thing was people did believe her and the they will believe you.

I believe you

Letsmove1t · 13/11/2018 00:45

Thinking about you OP hope no news from you is good news?

toothfairy73 · 15/11/2018 17:13

@BaconHead I'm thinking about you. I hope you are doing ok xx

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/11/2018 21:22

@BaconHead
Worth a read www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/15/stephanie-land-book-divorce-husband-attack

hmargaretj · 15/11/2018 22:16

Sending love to you @baconhead there is so much love for you on here. Please let us know if we can help...

toothfairy73 · 23/11/2018 15:15

@BaconHead are you ok?

hmargaretj · 06/12/2018 20:52

@baconhead I hope you're doing ok. I wanted to add something else about your worries of not seeing children etc.

The child I adopted was taken away from a home where he witnessed domestic violence. If you stay in a home where there is domestic violence, and social services believe that the children are not safe, they will take them into care. Therefore by not leaving this relationship, you may lose your children.

mychildrenaredrivingmemad · 29/12/2018 19:17

I hope you are ok OP?

TwistinMyMelon · 29/12/2018 19:21

You can get secondary swelling after a strangling. Call the police, get him removed from your house and then call 111 to get and ooh gp to look at your neck.

I am sure other posters will tell you that this is a massive red flag that he could end up murdering you.

Sorry this happened to you.

FOTTOSOFTFOSM · 29/12/2018 20:01

I hope you are free and safe with all the kids.

Daretohope · 10/08/2021 01:07

My husband tried to strangle me when I was 22. I’ve lived a life time of abuse - he has financially abused me (ran up debts of 500000k in my maiden name and didn’t pay them, he has physically abused me - hit me, black eye, run me into a ditch with his car, thrown me down the stairs, thrown me out of the house in freezing conditions and today he tried to strangle me again - he says I’m a fat disgusting bitch - one night he also held me down and forced himself into me and it was agony- I live in a remote place and he leaves me with no car and no money when he goes to work. There is no public transport and the road I live near is a motorway. I’m 57 now. Yes I’ve been thinking I love this abusive bastard for all those years. I was trauma bonded. It’s not love. As I feel the pain in my neck and look at my black eye I’m glad my daughter isn’t here to see this. I asked if I could please have my car back as my father was sick and I wanted to go see him and that started him off and he got enraged. I have nobody my dad is 90 and my mum died 20 years ago. I have no friends left as he totally isolated me. I’m stupid. No do not tell me I’m not stupid because I am. I have stayed and “allowed” the abuse for all these years. I’m leaving him - tonight I’ve made a plan and I’m going to carry it through - I don’t care if I’m poor or I don’t get half the house (he says he will burn it down so that I get nothing and I believe him). My mum told me not to leave him as there was “nothing worse than being on your own”. I am always on my own and I think that in my case she was wrong. This isn’t a life. This is an old thread and I have deliberately posted on here hoping the OP has left her abusive husband as they never change and it will never be an isolated incident. I am leaving him. I am going to be free. Alone - yes. Very alone but free of abuse. I don’t understand why I couldn’t leave before but I can now. All his huge debts are in my name and I can’t pay them so I will probably be bankrupted but I will be safe from him and his abuse. I will miss my big house but I have to go. I don’t expect an answer as this is an old thread but I just felt I had to tell someone.

Parentingdilemmas · 10/08/2021 01:13

@Daretohope - proud of you, we are all here for you old thread or not x

Billybagpuss · 10/08/2021 05:52

Good luck @Daretohope

You can do this.

Declare bankruptcy isn’t to be taken lightly but in your case it sounds like it will allow you to be completely free.

And if he burns down the house the land will still have value.

Funnylittlefloozie · 10/08/2021 07:31

Good luck, Daretohope. You are strong, you can do this. I'm so sorry your mum gave you such terrible advice all those years ago, and left you in such misery.

If that arsehole burns the house down, tell the police and the insurance company that it was arson, and he will get his comeuppance.

Polkadots2021 · 10/08/2021 07:39

@BaconHead

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

So sorry this happened to you, if he does that to you he may do it to your children too, who are at risk, who probably heard this happen and are traumatised, probably living in fear and maybe things have already happened with them that they're not telling you about through fear, &/or thinking you'll never leave him no matter what he does to them/you. If you can't leave for yourself do it for the children. They'll thank you for it so much. If you don't they either live their life in a hellish home that isn't safe or lose you completely when he goes too far. I'm really sorry you're in this position.

Polkadots2021 · 10/08/2021 07:41

@Daretohope

My husband tried to strangle me when I was 22. I’ve lived a life time of abuse - he has financially abused me (ran up debts of 500000k in my maiden name and didn’t pay them, he has physically abused me - hit me, black eye, run me into a ditch with his car, thrown me down the stairs, thrown me out of the house in freezing conditions and today he tried to strangle me again - he says I’m a fat disgusting bitch - one night he also held me down and forced himself into me and it was agony- I live in a remote place and he leaves me with no car and no money when he goes to work. There is no public transport and the road I live near is a motorway. I’m 57 now. Yes I’ve been thinking I love this abusive bastard for all those years. I was trauma bonded. It’s not love. As I feel the pain in my neck and look at my black eye I’m glad my daughter isn’t here to see this. I asked if I could please have my car back as my father was sick and I wanted to go see him and that started him off and he got enraged. I have nobody my dad is 90 and my mum died 20 years ago. I have no friends left as he totally isolated me. I’m stupid. No do not tell me I’m not stupid because I am. I have stayed and “allowed” the abuse for all these years. I’m leaving him - tonight I’ve made a plan and I’m going to carry it through - I don’t care if I’m poor or I don’t get half the house (he says he will burn it down so that I get nothing and I believe him). My mum told me not to leave him as there was “nothing worse than being on your own”. I am always on my own and I think that in my case she was wrong. This isn’t a life. This is an old thread and I have deliberately posted on here hoping the OP has left her abusive husband as they never change and it will never be an isolated incident. I am leaving him. I am going to be free. Alone - yes. Very alone but free of abuse. I don’t understand why I couldn’t leave before but I can now. All his huge debts are in my name and I can’t pay them so I will probably be bankrupted but I will be safe from him and his abuse. I will miss my big house but I have to go. I don’t expect an answer as this is an old thread but I just felt I had to tell someone.

You're really incredible, you have resolve and you can do it. A lot of people will be rooting for you!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/08/2021 11:16

If you call the police they will remove him from the house. You don't have to go anywhere.

Best of luck.

Parentingdilemmas · 10/08/2021 11:47

@Daretohope - hope you’re okay x