My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

I beg you to go to the doctors!! Your doctor will be able to provide evidence should you wish to take this further.
My ex husband did the same to me and I'm glad I'm no longer with him. If I had stayed with him I think my daughter would be without her mother by now. I understand it's hard but please don't stick around, this isn't Iove and he won't change despite what he might say to you or how good things might be over the next couple of weeks. He can and he will do this again to you.

Your poor neck.
I get its easy for us to say but please please please get away from this disgusting sperm of Satan.
This beast needs reporting.

When (not if) it were to happen again you may not be fortunate enough to just have a sore neck. By your own admission he pushed you once and now its escalated to strangulation.
I means what's next or who's next one of the children when theyre acting up.

Sweetheart, you really need to at least see your GP. I work with victims of domestic abuse and as others have said strangulation is really serious - you need to do all you can to keep yourself and the children safe.
You deserve so much better than this - please try and get past the fear and speak to someone in real life.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thescarboroughnews.co.uk/news/crime/mother-was-strangled-in-huge-rage-1-2902466/amp

this is my friend. she was killed by her partner, with her 8 month old baby in the house, now the child has no mother or father.

Please please please get away from this man.

Get to your GP and the police and report this.

Whether you chose to do anything about it right now, this would count for evidence in the future.

Please understand the seriousness of what has happened. He could have killed you. What if next time he does? What if next time his aggression is directed towards the children? These are all very likely situation as abuse will always escalate.

I know you are scared, I know you feel like staying to keep the children together but this is not the best thing at all.

I have been in your situation before and I left with nothing but the clothes on my back and my children. I protected them and myself and you are the only protective factor they have.

It is not normal to be treated like this and it never should be accepted.

Leave now.

Grab your children.
Get out now.
He is practicing
He will kill you

You must leave him. It will harm the children infinitely more when you are killed - and it's a matter of "when" rather than "if" if you stay.

Leave him , today.

Go to the doctor, or the hospital. A sore neck after being strangled is serious.

Put your children first. If he kills you then they will all be in care.

I have been there.

It still haunts me over 30 years later, I though I was dead.

Go to the GP, go to the police. He is not safe to live with, and this includes the children. Putting yourself first puts them first. Tell people, you will find support, I did. Take care.

Another vote for seeing a healthcare professional as soon as possible. You and your children deserve better. Did any of the children witness his assault on you? This is a scary level of violence and it will only escalate from here on in.

Whatever you do ultimately. Please go and see your GP today

"While victims of strangulation may never lose consciousness and many regain it after losing it, that doesn’t mean that damage has not been done. Even the temporary lack of oxygen can cause brain damage and other life-threatening injuries.

Nearly three in four survivors in a study by the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence did not seek medical attention after being strangled, perhaps out of fear of exposing the abuse or not realizing that without proper medical care, strangulation can lead to death days or even weeks after the attack."

I heard of a case like this at work. The woman was strangled and died 24 hours later. This is serious OP.

There is a strong link between being strangled and in future being killed by the person that tried to strangle you. This is so serious. If he kills you those children will be left in his sole care-what could he do to them?
Leaving him will protect them from that, so although you think it's the worst thing ever (leaving) it really, really isn't.

I hope you find the strength and courage to tell someone and to get out. I hope your neck heals quickly too.

Walkerbean16 that's heartbreaking to read, that poor woman. Poor woman, her poor mother, and her poor daughter. Three women's lives destroyed.

All minimising - he 'sort of flew at her' 'sort of strangled her' 'sort of killed her'.

Police and doctors. Now, OP. You must protect yourself and your children.

Fuck him.

Storm4Star - While victims of strangulation may never lose consciousness and many regain it after losing it, that doesn’t mean that damage has not been done. Even the temporary lack of oxygen can cause brain damage and other life-threatening injuries.

Brain damage from a previous assault was mentioned in the link to the Scarborough case linked above.

He will kill you mate. You need to go to the police. I would think it unlikely that the step children would go to him. It's not unheard of that children stay with a step parent if the birth family is unsuitable. Go to the police and then contact social services. This will not be the last time he attacks you. Of this you can be sure. You need to get out now.

You easily could have died yesterday. Your children could be terrified and alone right now.

Police. Doctor. Leave. Now.

We're here for you op. 

I understand your overwhelming concern for the well-being of the children, but you really can't ignore this.

As everyone else is saying, next time he might kill you. I cannot imagine accepting that a man who half strangled me had any love for me at all.

You may not want to acknowledge it, but you are the victim of extreme domestic violence. Please take this seriously.

Adding my voice to those who have already said:

Which is best for the children? That their parents break up or that their mother / stepmother is murdered by their father, so they end up completely traumatised and without either parent as one is dead and the other in jail?

Easy for us to advise you to leave. If you can't (won't) then please go to GP so that when/if you need the evidence it will be there.
The DV against me started with a throttling. I wasn't ready to leave or face up to it for another 2 years, and didn't go to the GP (I did go about later injuries). I do remember my neck really hurt for days, it was difficult to eat and swallow but there was no external bruising.

Throttling is a huge red flag. A psychiatrist told me that hitting/pushing are "normal" human reactions (even if inappropriate) but strangling isn't and indicates a whole different level of capabilities.

If you aren't ready to leave, please go to the GP so at least it is recorded (and you are checked over)

if he has crossed the line once, the next time crossin it will be easier.It is very easy to kill somone by strangulation even if you don't mean to.

A word of warning though, this recently happened to a good friend of mine, strangled in front of the dc, and he still got 50:50 custody of their young children which is pretty terrifying for everyone,But that's a bridge to cross if/when you come to it.Get out!

please leave. now.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. However what you do now will decide how this ends.

You can leave, protect yourself and your children. Yes it will be scary and uncertai but long term you will be so happy and so will your children. There is lots of support out there, contact your GP, your HV, even call social services, they will help you leave him. Also contact local womens aid, all these people can help you. You are not alone in this and this is something that many people go through, but can recover from in the future.

Children need a safe home and learn from what they see. Violence in the home means your children could grow up to be victims/perpetrators of abuse themselves, and can damage them in so many ways.

Everything can be sorted, the house, money etc.

If you stay, he will kill you. and possibly your children. Best outcome, if he dosent kill you, will be your children being taken into care.

But deep down, you know all this. You say you love him, but he dosen't love you. Violence has no place in love.

Leave for your children, if not for yourself

I wish you all the love in the world, and hope you can leave and start a new life.

xxxx

Reading this has made my blood run cold.
You really have to leave and keep you and your children safe.

If you stay they will lose you as their mother one way or the other. He could have killed you, he might well kill you. You stay and this incident turns into ongoing violence. You stay and he starts hurting your children. You stay and they see what he is prone to and it will badly badly affect and traumatise them? Any of those scenarios - and you will end up living one of the, rest assured - then your children will lose you in all or many ways as their mother.

The only way forward is to leave him and report this to the Police immediately.
You are not safe. Any of you.

Please listen to us all and go. You are worth so much more than this hideous abuse and pain, as a woman and as a mother. 💐