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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 06/11/2018 18:34

I've no real advice as I've never had experience of this but I do think the main thing would be to stay calm. IF she is pregnant she's going to need you on side. It must be a huge shock for you but you need to find out the truth first. Good luck.

Snipples · 06/11/2018 18:35

Ok first off calm down. I never told my mother anything about my periods when I was her age so the not knowing thing may not mean anything. Similarly the names and godparents and stuff could just be her messing about - me and my friends used to build up entire pretend lives with our weddings and kids etc sketched out in crazy detail. The due date thing is a bit suspect admittedly.

Does she have a bf? Do you think she is sexually active? You are clearly going to need to have a conversation when she comes in but just be rational until you have the facts. You need to find out what's going on before you panic.

DaanSaaf · 06/11/2018 18:36

Tbh I'd probably nip out now for a pg test and calmly tell her to do it when she gets home. I suspect a lot on here will disagree with me though.

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Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:37

no boyfriend at present, she split up with him a few weeks ago. quite cagey when asked why as well.
as for being sexually active, i dont know. ive been a bit head in the sand about it as its only these last 6 months shes started going out more and it has been on my to do list.....

OP posts:
Jellybean100 · 06/11/2018 18:38

Hmmm I can’t think of an explanation for writing down a due date, the possible names/god names could be typical 14 year old scribbles. Try and stay calm like previous poster has said, she’s going to need you. Do you know who the father could be?

Stormwhale · 06/11/2018 18:38

Have you noticed her being under the weather, or putting on weight? It might be a load of bullshit as teenagers do weird things. Can you have a glass of wine/gin/whiskey/whatever and take some deep breaths?

Then I would call her to come home and straight out ask her.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 06/11/2018 18:39

I would first of all make sure she is safe. I don't believe any 14 year old wants to have sex (I had sex at 14), so it's likely that she is doing it for the kudos (best case scenario) or being sexually abused. Talk to her, talk through her options, find out what is happening in her life when she is not with you. Hug her, tell her she can talk to you about anything.
I think that's all you can do at this stage.Flowers

anitagreen · 06/11/2018 18:39

Bloody hell op. If it was me I'd go and quickly get a pregnancy test for her to do when she's in,
But for the fact she's not mentioned it to you I imagine she's probably shitting herself telling you, so be prepared for her to deny it not do the test etc.
How do you feel about it if she is pregnant? Maybe, think all this through before you confront her and I also wouldn't go to harsh on her atm because she is going to be in for a huge shock and needs all the support she can get right now.

Dorunjon · 06/11/2018 18:40

I agree with daan. At least then you'll know the factual score and you can take it from there.

For what it's worth, as teenagers we were always scribbling down silly games on our work books/paper. Names of future children etc.

All the best Flowers

anitagreen · 06/11/2018 18:40

@Thewheelsarefallingoff I was sexually active at 14 simply because I wanted too. I wasn't being abused etc. Some teenagers do start early unfortunately and that won't ever change. I don't think it's right to worry the OP about abuse at this moment.

Jellybean100 · 06/11/2018 18:41

I agree with previous poster about needing to do a pregnancy test- or maybe suggest you both go and buy one tomorrow. Remember when I was 15 and my period was late.. I couldn’t sleep due to worry- told my mum who was mortified- who then told my dad... my dad went absolutely mental and went straight out and bought a pregnancy test. The woman in boots behind the counter said “ooh perhaps a congratulations”Hmm

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 06/11/2018 18:42

Or maybe she wrote that because she thinks she’s pregnant because she hasn’t had a period for a while. My daughter didn’t have a period for three months, after 2 years of being regular, she’s just been diagnosed with pcos at 15. Either way she’s going to have to see the GP.

anitagreen · 06/11/2018 18:44

And for what it's worth, I never told my mum I was having sex but she did track my periods, she got hold of me one night after my period was late and really was nasty and vile about it all, calling me every name under the sun about being pregnant. I wasn't at all but it really upset me and made me think different of my mum her going on the attack like that. I don't think you'd be like that though at all. X

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 06/11/2018 18:44

Crickey. Stay calm and tell her what you found. When is she due Home?

Have you noticed any pregnancy signs?

Crunchymum · 06/11/2018 18:44

So she's possibly 3+ months pregnant?

You say no signs? (Other than the lack of period you've noticed this month and no pads for a few months?)

Sounds like if she is, then she is already very aware.

What time is she due home? You need to ask her ASAP and find out what is what. Options become limited the more pregnant she is.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 06/11/2018 18:44

Even if the lack of a period is not pregnancy, the first thing a GP will advise is to do a test btw

Racecardriver · 06/11/2018 18:45

I think you should start off by asking her when she last had a period. She may have not had a period for a while for a variety of reasons not just pregnancy. If she’s missed periods tell her you will have to go to the doctor to see what is wrong with her and go from there. I’m not sure about no 14 year olds wanting to have sex but if you think there is a chance that she is having sex then make sure she knows where to get contraception.

Soubriquet · 06/11/2018 18:45

I would sit her down and show her the paper and then calmly ask if she was pregnant.

I would be so upset but would support my dd no matter what

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 06/11/2018 18:46

I agree with dann also, to go out buy a test and get her to do it either tonight or first thing in the morning...but as much as your head must be battered from it you need to remain calm and be there for her and support her..

Good luck with the conversation op.Wine

GoJetterGirl · 06/11/2018 18:46

Ok, first things first,

Are you ok op? (I know you’re not)

Second, she’s going to need you if she is pregnant, you need to sot her down when she gets in and ask her out right, keep hold of the bit of paper, if she denies she is, then show her it.

Alternatively,

You could go purchase a pregnancy test, ask the questions above, and confirm either way with the test?

No useful advice I’m afraid, hope you and DD are ok after the tough talk ahead..

Crunchymum · 06/11/2018 18:47

I'm going to hazard a guess that she did a pregnancy test a while ago. Why would she be writing down due date / baby names etc otherwise?

Although I hope I'm wrong.

Taylor22 · 06/11/2018 18:48

Oh OP I'm so sorry. If I were you I'd go and get a first response and wine.
Then show her what you found. Ask her what it means. Ask her when she was last on and ask her to do the test.

Try and stay calm and if it does come back positive then there is nothing wrong with getting her to stay in her room until you calm down. It's better to separate while you calm down then say something you'll regret.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 06/11/2018 18:48

I used to write down things like that, playing 'what if' with my friends at school when I fancied a boy and thought we'd be getting married and have babies and make all my friends godparents etc.

However, if this is something you really think could be a thing, you obviously need to sit her down and talk about it. If she's mature enough to be sexually active she needs to be mature enough to be able to talk to you.

As for the poster that said no 14 year old actually wants to be having sex, that's bollocks, I was quite happily having second with my boyfriend at that age, no 'kudos' from anyone and certainly no abuse.

Original poster
dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:49

im not angry at all, if she is then she is and we will deal with it as she wants. im more upset for her, as it will be due only a few months before she is supposed to go on a residential trip for 3 days, shes got big plans for college and uni and i dont want it to change that for her
i get the names and godparents bit, i think i did that although i was quite a bit younger (10ish) but the due date bit?

OP posts:
Janus · 06/11/2018 18:50

My dd was very irregular before going on the pill so it could just be that she’s late by a few weeks and assumed she is. I therefore (as suggested) get a test from a late night chemist if she suspects she is but hasn’t done a test. Good luck.