talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

[dawnc27]

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

The attitude that"it's just a baby" is one of the reasons there are so many neglected, messed up children in the world.

It's honestly not that hard to google "due date calculator" and click on the NHS website to find that out, if an adult couldn't do that I'd be worried about them being pregnant.

There are always so many posts on these threads about teenagers having babies and going to university and have fabulous careers that I am surprised that more children aren't advised to have babies at 14!

Exactly! They all go on to become neurosurgeons who marry top businessmen and their kids are all an 'utter delight'. No one ever has a preemie with multiple health problems or winds up in a homeless hostel. And I suppose those women who simply do not have the time, space or money to bring up another kid (especially in the era of Universal Credit, when a 14-year-old isn't able to make a claim in her own right and there's no additional financial aid for 2+ children) are just not 'amazing mums'.

Must admit I'm astonished at a 14yo that can work out due dates or has thought of godparent. Plenty of adults can't figure out due date calendars without a lot of help.

Really? What kind of adults do you know? There are literally hundreds of apps and online things that gives this information in seconds!

she started her periods about 18 months ago, and they have been regular since the 1st one which is why i have been questioning it.
im collecting her in half an hour, i didnt want to arouse her dads suspicion by dragging her home early if there is nothing to worry about and shes more likely to be open with just me and her in the car.
to those asking, yes i could step up and look after the child so she can continue school as im a sahm who is also a carer for my mum, i have 2 others with sen and i also help out in a volunteer postion but im lucky as i can just go as and when i choose.
those asking about any other signs, shes been a lot more emotional lately, anything can set her off crying but i put that down to teenager hormones and her appetite has got better but shes still a slim size 6/8, no sign of morning sickness.
i have tweeked the dates a little to help keep anon but her "due date" would make her still in the 1st trimester

I just want to wish you both well, if she is pregnant you sound very much on top of your feelings and I think your daughter will know she is loved and supported. It's a tough road ahead but she won't be the first or the last to go through it. I hope it all works out for you all xx

Good luck OP. She is indeed very lucky to have you.

A bit of support goes a long way. I suppose it depends on what kind of parent you are. One with compassion and understanding, or one with just rules and regulations.

Get real! 'A bit of support' means bringing up another child. So parents who cannot do this are just lacking in compassion and understanding. Where's the magic money, house/space, time and de-stress tree all these grandparents access for these 'bits of support'.

That's lovely, helfordreams

My Sister's friend had a baby at 14. She was encouraged to keep it by her mother, who intended to help her. The baby was taken into care aged 2.5 due to neglect and the girl has been heartbroken ever since. The whole pile of shite could have been avoided by accepting that motherhood is not an ideal situation to encourage children into.

Colditz Yes, I understand and of course that sad situation is not unique. I now work as a foster carer so am sadly very well of all the sadness and loss that can, and does, happen. But I just wanted to point out that it can actually work out well too. And the OP is taking such a sensible and caring approach that her daughter couldn't be in better hands.

batface, if you think this isnt real then by all means report me. hq are more than welcme to look into my history and contact me, i can provide then witha pic of her note, otherwise DFOD

No dont that's not what I said AT ALL.

Not even remotely. I wasn't talking about the practicalities of bringing up a baby In the post you quoted. I was talking about how the parent deals with finding out their 14yo is pregnant.

Please do t try to twist my posts into something they are not. It doesn't look smart.

You sound like a fan mum who she hopefully can share this with you.

Agree with colditz

I think it's pretty well established that having a role in raising and paying for a child gives you precisely zero say in whether a pregnant woman (or girl) has an abortion. Her body, her choice. We do not own our children's bodies.

Please do t try to twist my posts into something they are not. It doesn't look smart.

Infinitely smarter than encouraging a 14-year-old to do anything other than terminate.

@colditz
I don’t know if you have children yourself, but I do. What I’ve learnt from having my children go through secondary schools is that by the time they reach 14 kids have been taught the ins and outs of sex, relationships, std’s drugs, alcohol, terminations, pregnancies contraception and Masterbation. In my children’s school the lessons attributed to this subject is called Guidance. Take it from me, teens are well informed nowadays. I went to a convent school and wasn’t taught contraception.
Op seems perfectly grounded and supportive. Not one bit controlling.
Irrespective of age, very few of us are prepared for parenting, no matter how mature we are or how ever many books we’ve read. If ops dd is pregnant and decides to keep her baby, it won’t just be raised by a 14 yr old, as Op will be there as the mature and experienced perspective.,
You’re saying your point is being made to ensure op gives her daughter ALL choices, but the reason you’re getting grief is because at the same time you ridiculing the idea of a 14 year old keeping her baby. Looks to me as though you’re the one limiting choices yet it’s not even your dd!

Thinking of you OP. If your daughter is pregnant, she has a fantastic Mum who can be a great support.

Is it likely that your dd would hide this from you? Given that you have an open relationship usually? Has she confided in you that she and her bf were having sex?

The bit of paper could be a game that she and her friends were playing. I remember three of my friends discussing how they wanted babies after they left school. They were writing down baby names and who they would choose for the Father! (kind of like X loves x, or writing their first name with a guys surname) I told them they were crazy, but then my Mum let me babysit a relatives baby, most weekends overnight, from newborn to age three! So I knew there was no way that I was having babies, until I was married, or in a serious relationship and had enough money to afford it properly. (I am hoping that one of my brothers will have a baby when dd is a teenager, so she can learn how much work they are too!)

I would be wary of jumping the gun, as mentioned your dd may have never been sexually active. Is there a chance she would buy pads herself? Or would she perhaps get them from school?

If it turns out that she isn’t pregnant, then it would be a good time to talk about protection.

If she is, then I wish her the best, whatever she decides to do, I am sure she will still have a bright future, having a supportive Mother will make life much easier for her.

I agree, cold, but it's not a popular opinion on MN where we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

There are always so many posts on these threads about teenagers having babies and going to university and have fabulous careers that I am surprised that more children aren't advised to have babies at 14!

Just wanted to say I am sorry, but as a foster carer I see every day the effects of negative side of parenting, and just wanted to tell you my own daughter's true story to indicate it can work out well.

And as others have said I am not wealthy or in priviledged position, I have three adult sons with special needs, two of whom will need our care for the rest of our lives. But despite this my daughter and son in law have been amazing, and both families have tried their very best to support them once they had made the decision.

Good luck OP.
At your DD’s age my periods stopped too but I was diagnosed with PCOS. I was sexually active and actually thought I was pregnant despite negative tests as I didn’t know anything about pcos and just assumed as my periods were regular then stopped I had to be pregnant... cue a tearful trip to the family GP was all fine though and I didn’t have children until much much later...
wish you all the best x

I hope the conversation goes well. You're handling it so well OP.

I think she is but I hope you are able to talk through it calmly. I remember being 14 and so so frightened of things like this happening to me.

Wishing you both well

I hope all is ok, but if she is pregnant it sounds like you will be incredibly supportive and get her the help and advice she needs.

Awful situation if positive result.
This is real life, not TV soap land.
Hope you are worrying over nothing, OP.

Gah.

At no point did I say anything other than offer support. At THIS point. Now. Today.

Your posts to me are somewhat weird.

That should say that from age fourteen my Mum helped me babysit a newborn overnight most weekends, the baby was three when I stopped babysitting as it was no longer needed.