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Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 11/11/2018 22:57

Great news

dontgobaconmyheart · 12/11/2018 02:03

Senua just out of interest why is someone else's take not relevant, but you think yours is? What contraceptive OP's DD could be taking doesn't require your opinion on the pill either, surely? Why is it that Op's daughter cannot be on the pill and also have the wherewithall to say no to sex at the same time? Quite a few of us manage it/managed it at similar ages...

Separately, people take the contraceptive pill for a variety of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex or permission for sex, and have everything to do with hormones and ovulation. It's very odd to sexualise the pill in this way, people will either go and have sex or not, there is no 'permission' associated. Since the majority of peoples teenage children will have sex at some point, the pill will (with some small exceptions) protect them from an unwanted pregnancy if properly used.

Glad it seems to have worked out OP, the Sims thing cracked me up.

Rachelover40 · 12/11/2018 02:39

I'm glad all is well op.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ILoveAutum · 12/11/2018 02:47

What a big relief.

Now time for the chastity belt...

Or locking / mocking her in a turret.

🍷

DistanceCall · 12/11/2018 03:30

You start taking the pill when you become sexually active. The OP's daughter says she's not sexually active (and no wonder, she's only 14).

What she needs is sex education first. The OP's mistake was neglecting that (as she herself acknowledged).

explodingkitten · 12/11/2018 05:24

I'm so happy that all is welk.you sound like a good mum who os easy to talk to. Nevertheless, better that there's nothing to worry about.

QueenoftheNights · 12/11/2018 07:55

I'm pleased it was a false alram but there are plenty of reasons why reaching for the Pill now is wrong and not good parenting.

1 She's under age so sex is actually illegal (FWIW.)

2 The Pill does carry health risks even if they are small. There is a risk of breast cancer the longer it's used. It can often take several tries to find the right one with no side effects.

3 MOST importantly IMO, the child (yes, she is a child) is not emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship. I accept girls of 14 do have sex, but (based on years teaching teens) many / most are not emottionally ready by a long way.

It's such a knee-jerk parenting reaction to say 'Ok, you scared the shit out of me, now you're going on the Pill so I don't have to worry any more'.

The Pill has a high failure rate with young girls- they forget to take it- it doesn't protect against STIs, sex at a young age increases the risks of cervical cancer (if a condom isn't used all the time)...there are so many reasons why giving the go ahead to a 14 years old to have sex are just plain wrong.

QueenoftheNights · 12/11/2018 07:58

Separately, people take the contraceptive pill for a variety of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex or permission for sex, and have everything to do with hormones and ovulation

This is true but you are putting the cart before the horse.

IF someone needs the Pill for medical reasons, that's one thing. It also means - as a coincidence- they are covered (if taken correctly) against pregnancy (but not STIs and risks of cervical cancer, warts, herpes, etc etc.)

But this isn't the case here. No indication she needs it for medical reasons.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 12/11/2018 10:05

Separately, people take the contraceptive pill for a variety of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sex or permission for sex, and have everything to do with hormones and ovulation

I went on the pill at 14 or 15 (it was a long time ago!) because I was having a period every other week and it was horrendously painful. I was not sexually active until I was 18!

senua · 12/11/2018 10:20

Senua just out of interest why is someone else's take not relevant
Because OP had a scare about her DD being pregnant.
Then someone starts blathering about a different teenage problem (period pains and spots).
It's a total non-sequitur.

I know that some people take the pill for reasons other than birth control, of course I do. But it is not relevant to OP's position.

AdoraBell · 12/11/2018 11:11

So pleased to see it was a false alarm OP

NewName54321 · 12/11/2018 11:22

Although it was a false alarm for your DD, are you sure the list is definitely to do with The Sims? Could one of her friends think she is possibly pregnant and your DD left the list where you could easily find it as a "test" to see what happens next so she can tell the friend what to expect.

Dfwr · 12/11/2018 11:25

@Distancecall my DD was on the pill at 13 or just turned 14 because her periods were every 2 weeks and very very heavy with massive clots. She wasn’t sexually active at the time.

DistanceCall · 12/11/2018 11:42

@Dfwr of course there are other uses for the pill. But your DD had a menstrual disorder. The OP hasn't mentioned that her daughter has any similar problems.

Talking about placing a 14 y.o. who says she's not sexually active, whose grasp on sexuality seems shaky, and who hasn't reported any physical problems on the pill is ridiculous, frankly.

Oblomov18 · 12/11/2018 13:28

Did OP explain to dd how shocked and frightened she was?
dd fancies Jamie in year 10, is a bit different to due dates etc.

SushiMonster · 12/11/2018 13:56

You start taking the pill when you become sexually active

You are talking tosh.

You can start taking the pill for many reasons. I started taking it to be able to control my periods and take back to back so I wouldn’t have a period whilst on a month long trek at 16.

SushiMonster · 12/11/2018 13:56

I didn’t have sex until I was 20

Semifeatured · 12/11/2018 14:00

NewName that is one fucking leap you've taken there Grin

katseyes7 · 12/11/2018 14:06

@dawnc27 l'm so pleased for you both! l wish my mam had been like you. Keep talking to her, and do what's best for both of you.
l was put on the pill at 15 after a 15 day period that showed no signs of stopping. Every month l was flooded and clotting, to the point that l was badly anaemic and fainted, once at the top of the stairs at school. Fell down the lot.
When l got home with the pill my mother went nuts. The fact that l was ill, bloodless and covered in cystic acne made no difference. l wish she'd understood that instead of saying "Well you don't take after me, l've never had a spot in my life."
And no, l wasn't sexually active. l was fat, spotty and ginger. Didn't have sex til l was nearly 19. That was 40 years ago though....

Binglebong · 12/11/2018 17:27

You are encouraging your 14 y.o. to go on the pill!?What happened to "talk me down"! You should be telling her how to say 'no' if she doesn't want to have sex, not encouraging her.

And what if she doesn't want to say no? I'm not saying it's a good idea, and yes she certainly should say no if she doesn't want to, but this assumption that she won't be interested is strange.

anniehm · 12/11/2018 18:02

I should have thought about The Sims! My daughter has family trees on the office notice board for hers! So pleased there's an innocent explanation

QueenoftheNights · 13/11/2018 08:17

Why do so many posters always miss the point?
It seems to be a mumsnet speciality.

As PPs have said, YES you can take the pill for menstrual reasons. My DD did.

But coming along saying your DDs were on it at 14, is not actually what this thread is about. Is it?

The OP said she wanted her DD to use the Pill so she'd be safe from pregnancy- not for period problems. And as I and others have said, it's a ridiculous idea for someone who is emotionally very young still.
There is masses of evidence that young girls who are sexually active tend not to be happy with that (they succumb to peer pressure) , they rarely handle it emotionally, and they are still at risk from getting pregnant (through careless use of the Pill) and STIs.

Original poster
dawnc27 · 13/11/2018 08:37

wooh! hang on a min, i never said i wanted dd to go on the pill, i said we discussed it and she wasnt sure, i then mentioned about it helping with spots as she does suffer from outbreaks
you cant do right for doing wrong here sometimes, i get shot to shit for just having a contraception talk with dd but not actually managing to get her down the docs for the pill and then when i do try to sort it out for her i get it again ffs
surely its better for her to be on the pill just in case she does decide she wants to be sexually active? she also has free access to condoms but we all know that these are sometimes not used. yes the pill wont help against stis but that doesnt mean she shouldnt take it too.
theres a lot more thats been said and done in my house recently with regards to this, im only showing a snap shot of our life as while i wanted advice i still want to protect our privacy

OP posts:
MysticFlyTrap · 13/11/2018 09:12

I agree op, seems mn is full of people ready to argue these days. It's exhausting, which is why many times I refrain from posting my own issues. Namely people with too much time on their hands to insult and question others.

Tinty · 13/11/2018 10:42

@dawnc27

I think you have done the right thing discussing the pill with your DD, she will or won't have sex the same as most teenagers her age. But at least she knows she can come to you for help if she decides to take that step, rather than thinking you will be angry with her and taking risks instead. She may even be more open with you now you have talked about it and supported her.

The pill for bad periods and spots is a godsend if it works. For all the naysayers saying it is terrible letting a 14 year old go on the pill the GP suggested it for my DD at 12 as she was having 8 day ridiculously heavy periods every 2 weeks and had the most horrendous back, chest and face acne.