talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

[dawnc27]

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

Love how liberal everyone is when it's not their issue to deal with.

Agree with the poster who said that naming the baby and choosing God parents is not the harsh reality of parenting.

@Colditz, @yawning801 is correct. There was no sense from your first post of the OP's daughter being allowed to have any agency.

Op when will u discuss it with her

It may be easier for DD if you just casually mention "you don't seem to have a period in ages could you be pregnant?"

May get a very indignant response but easier than waiting for her to bring it up...

I hadn't even had a period at 14. I didn't start until 15. I aslo lived in the countryside and there was no way I'd have been able to 'pop to the shops' to buy a pg test if I had thought I might be.

She may 'think' she is but hasn't plucked courage to test. She may 'think' she's been sexually active enough to get pg. That may not be the case.

Get her a PG test fror her own use, along with some condoms OP

crunchy its not about being liberal its about not driving your child away from you.

Dss is 14. If he got someone pregnant i would be less than thrilled and id probably think he was a total idiot. HOWEVER i would support him. Id encourage him to step the fuck up and deal with it and id do whatever i could to support the mum and baby if they were happy with that.

No point losing your shit about it because what does that achieve? Whats done is done.

Op, my dd is the same age as yours, I can’t imagine how upset I would be if she was pregnant, of course we would deal with it how she wanted but I would be encouraging a termination, luckily my dd isn’t sexually active but I was at her age so I’m not going to judge. My dd has also recently come out as bi and she does odd things like writing stuff down that doesn’t really mean much. I hope for your dd’s Sake that she’s not pregnant.

Is the girl even home yet to ask if the papers mean what they sort of kind of seem to mean?
Thread is getting very heated about a very unknown situation.

I would absolutely not have trusted myself to make the correct decision at the age of 14 if I were pregnant. She is still a child! I would actually want someone to advise me what to do, and what was in my best interests.

You sound like a lovely Mum - I hope the chat goes well

She might have her own body and her own mind but she doesn't have her own income or her own home so I am sorry but how come it is solely her decision what she does?
Surely the person who will be supporting and most probably raising the child gets some say too?
There are always so many posts on these threads about teenagers having babies and going to university and have fabulous careers that I am surprised that more children aren't advised to have babies at 14!

It would be entirely in this child's interest to have a termination

It could be PCOS messing about with her periods

The due date thing could be that she thinks she is pregnant due to lack of periods but it might be PCOS

Love how liberal everyone is when it's not their issue to deal with.

It's nothing to do with being liberal, it's to do with ensuring the child gets support.

She sound VERY immature if she has found herself pregnant and the only thing she's though to do is sit in class with her friends and think of names and who the god parents are going to be ? Maybe sit her down and talk about starting contraception and whether she is sexually active and see if she comes out with it?

how come it is solely her decision what she does?

Because it is her child.

HTH.

@colditz is spot on. All this liberal parenting. I'd go absolutely nuts of my 14 year old was having sex, let alone getting pregnant.

If this is real of course

Sounds like you will be providing her with the support she needs regardless of her decision-to keep, terminate, or adopt, which is great.

I will say this though---I knew a fifteen year old mother, who was incredible with her DC and a very good parent. And the plus side to her having a child so young was when her child became an adult, she was able to get her life back whilst still relatively young herself.

I'm not suggesting she keep the baby. She has options. I just agree with PP that it's not the end all.

Goodness gracious me. No one even knows if she is pregnant yet, let alone what she wants.

OP, I think you are doing marvelously, and I really admire your supportive and nonassuming approach. Whatever happens, DD is lucky to have such a kind mum. 

You sound like a wonderful mum OP.

Sending virtual support, whatever the outcome x

I wonder if perhaps she’s had sex for the first time with the boyfriends she’s split up with and is freaking out that she could be pregnant, even if she’s had a period and completely isn’t. I was a panic pants at that age and would have been listening to stories of girls who’d been pregnant and not known or continued to have ‘periods’ but turned out they were pregnant all along etc and got myself in a state. Or maybe if she isn’t freaking out she’s fantasising that she could be pregnant having had sex, again, that’s totally normal. Teenage overactive imagination etc.

You sound lovely OP. My friend was forced into a termination at 16 and it devastated her. When she got pregnant again by the same father she kept it a secret and her mum found out only when she stumbled across scan photos. It’s not really how you want it to be is it, sounds like you’ve got a lovely open relationship and she’ll need you by her side if she thinks she is.

Best of luck talking to her

btw parents of pregent teenagers DO NOT get the choice on how their children handle there pregency so colditz cannto force a child to terminate or give up for adoption thankfully teenagers have competely rights to there own bodies.

She's not possibly pregnant, she either is or she isnt, tests are readily available.
My bet would be she's not but has just had all the attention she craves.
Sort it out before she does it for real.

I second the poster that says it's not the end of the world if she is pregnant, and wants to keep it. It's just a baby, after all

just a baby? What an ridiculous thing to say, you know nothing about the circumstances of the OP or her child, nothing about the DD's emotional state, the financial situation of the family, the practicalities of adding another child to their home. But, hey, everyone can just add a baby to their lives and carry on as normal.

batfaced

It happens. It has always happened.

Kids used to end up dead trying back street abortions. They used to end up on the streets, on drugs, on the game.

A bit of support goes a long way. I suppose it depends on what kind of parent you are. One with compassion and understanding, or one with just rules and regulations.

Must admit I'm astonished at a 14yo that can work out due dates or has thought of godparent. Plenty of adults can't figure out due date calendars without a lot of help.