Ridiculous things you’ve done when drunk.

[OutsideTheUsualMoralConstraint]

I just spent five minutes sawing the burnt cheesy top off a pizza in order to eat the bread bit underneath in an unsorched state.

TBF, now my blood sugar is more stable, I’m a lot better.

I had a glass and a half of wine in front of the TV tonight, texting DH as he’s away with work. I forgot the couple of herbal relaxation supplements I’d taken this afternoon. They didn’t mix well.

Cue my grilling a pizza on high for 20 minutes rather than simply heating in the oven. Much smoke and a lot of hungry angst.

Unscorched

My friend tried to chat up a lamppost.

Got pregnant.

I've grilled a pizza when sober. Worst thing I did whilst drunk was go swimming in the sea - really stupid in hindsight.

I didn’t really get all the burntness off tbf. Sober I’d have binned the lot.

Swimming is potentially fatal though, so you win leg.

Still hungry though. Potato waffles or ribeye? What is my culinary capacity?

Cheesy Ravioli: This time I meant grill it

Acceptable cheese to stodgy ratios have been restored.

Although I added too much chilli oil and have thus just sneezed cheese.

Sneezing cheese is interesting

I behaved disgracefully last weekend... Went to a colleague's wedding with lots of other work colleagues. Most of them didn't know me very well. Sadly, they know me much better now. Drank WAY too much gin (I don't drink gin). Told them all about my drug-taking past. Over-shared about how much I hate my mother's new boyfriend. Danced on a table.
I might have talked about sex.

Whatevs, I have not behaved well. (I'm hoping they're not going to sack me!)

Had sex on a market stall...

Went home to the wrong house and slept on their sofa.

I had a go at dp for flirting with a woman in front of me... turns out it was a pillar inside a nightclub - glad he found the funny side of it

After pub closing time I went back to a guy's house who I had never met before and, after flirting horrendously with his house mate (I propositioned him for sex while his girlfriend slept upstairs) then got taxi home to my husband wearing the first guy's coat. In my drunken state I thought it was mine. Try explaining that one to your husband

Casino fun night with fake money. Was so squifey I sat there guarding my money from evil gambling- forgetting it was fake paper money - not worth a penny.

I was in a taxi once, very drunk and feeling sick. We stopped at a traffic light and I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I dived for the door (it was unlocked which was unusual for a black cab but perhaps the driver had been watching me go green in the mirror ) puked in the gutter and got back in as the light turned green. I’m not proud and it wasn’t classy (and I ruined my shoes, red wine) but I was only about 18 and still trying to pretend I liked alcohol.

Think that was the same year I rolled home on New Years Eve in such a state my poor mum had to clean me up, put me to bed and wash my (dry clean only) coat. You’ll be glad to hear I don’t drink at all now

Set up a traffic diversion in the centre of a cathedral city, using a pile of road signs we found.
Had sex in a Wendy House
Had a soda siphon fight with a friend in a bar
Ran away from a restaurant without paying
Over-shared.
Drunk karaoke.
Flirted outrageously with embarrassed gay man.

Not all on the same night.

I ate a moth...

I wasn’t

Oops. I wasn’t even drunk...

For four months after getting our old oven we couldn’t work out why everything was taking so long to cook.

Turns out we were grilling everything! It take 5 hours to grill a roast chicken just so you know.

Led a group of lost Egyptian tourists to the correct bus to Angel. Except the sambuca kicked in halfway and I had to get off for a tactical chunder at the British Library, so I'll never know if they got off at the right stop.

Smashed up my front room, lost most of my friends, blackout out regularly, nearly lost my family - hence sober for five years now..

I put on my own 'Disney on Ice' show and was underappreciated.

What actually happened is that I was in a 24hour Asda at 3am and had fallen into a freezer trying to reach some potato waffles, so I made the best of it by singing Disney songs until my friend rescued me.

I woke up in Amsterdam

I recently posted on a most stupid thing you’ve done thread about something stupid I did while drunk.
It’s a long story but basically involved putting my whole foot into a burning camp fire, and lots of pain.

I threw up on a man...
Been out for a works night out, decided I'd get the last bus home to save money. Started to feel a bit sick so thought I'd get off the bus about 4 stops early (which would have made my walk home 40 mins instead of the 15 from my normal stop)
Went to get up and a man stood up to get off before me, except he had difficulty walking so was very slow... I could feel the sick rising in my throat. I couldn't hold it in so out it flew as he stepped onto the pavement. It sprayed down the back of his coat and onto the bus shelter for good measure. I then (ran) trotted off home, feeling slightly better.

Next time I saw the man on the bus, he had a new coat on 

Never been drunk. I drink, just never get drunk.