Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

[theyusedtocalltheblues]

• I’m very heavily dependent on others for my mental health needs
  

• I deliberately isolate myself from wider society as a coping mechanism
  

• I spend money recklessly without considering the consequences of my actions

[tomatosalt]

I am too socially inept and lacking in drive to build a ‘proper’ career.

[PhilODox]

I'm actually quite selfish, and it makes some aspects of parenting and shared living very hard.

I need my own space see above and need things "just so", and I hate it when they aren't that way, it makes me miserable.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

I am terminally lazy.

I don’t often see things through.

I’m very impulsive which feeds into spending and drinking too much.

But despite all this I do like myself. My many many good qualities (inc modesty obvs) far outweigh my sketchiness.

[SputnikBear]

I’m unpleasant. I have no friends and it can’t possibly be everyone else’s fault. It must be me

[PhilODox]

Fear of failure prevents me doing many things and I live vicariously through my children's achievements

Oh god, this thread is GOOD!

[nonotes]

I'm judgemental, I love to gossip, I love to turn other people against other people if I don't like them. I only like a select few people. I also want a nice group of friends because I'm ok deep down, but few people stick around long enough to see that... any advice anyone?

[BeeMyBaby]

When I am feeling down I am a hateful person. I spent my teenage years depressed and purposefully destroyed relationships and was very manipulative. I've spent the last 10 years in a safe place and was known to be very nice, everyone was my friend, I felt like a wonderful person and I tried so hard. However I've moved and I feel horrible again and I want everyone (bar my children) to suffer. I guess this is what it feels like to be a villain.

[cheezy]

I sometimes feel a touch of schadenfreud at my friends misfortune

[Grumpbum123]

I give to much and actually need to be a little more selfish actually 2 months in psych unit has opened my eyes

[freckleface12]

I easily become codependent and over-analytical. It has just cost me a 5 year relationship with the love of my life, so I'm really hating myself at the moment.

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a terminally negative nagging inner voice- I never stop berating myself.

I am lazy and need LOADS of time on my own

I can be spoilt if I think my DP isn't putting me first (I never act on it but it makes me feel sulky inside)

[troodiedoo]

I'm probably not as funny as I think I am.

I butt into other people's conversations too often.

My voice is whiny and annoying.

The first two mean I'm like my father which I really don't like, so trying to be aware and improve.

[gothefcktosleep]

• I have convinced myself that I am generally unlikeable, meaning that when friendships do begin to blossom I convince my it’s some sort of trap. I have some wonderful friendships but I am constantly paranoid. (Clearly scars from bullying throughout school still very fresh 20 years on)
  

• the things I dislike in people are often things I see in myself or want for myself.
  

• I either waffle like a mad woman or get straight to the point. Makes conversations so awkward.
  

• I have been worrying about my weight for more than half my life.

[katmunchkin]

I am inherently lazy and take pleasure in other peoples misfortune :-(

[ShotsFired]

I am very very difficult to love, because I subconsciously "test" people to prove they do (because I don't believe I'm worth it).

And when I fail/am not good enough at what I perceive to be an acceptable standard of [whatever task or ability] I drop into a downward spiral of self-loathing that I wasn't good enough.

It's very hard to bear. As proven by my ex

[Casperandme]

Iusedto those things are usually related aren't they?

[Bezalelle]

Despite all the work I've done on myself over the years, I am still drawn like a moth to a flame to people whose personalities mirror my narc mother's.

[Casperandme]

Shots someone close to me does this too! The tests. I wonder if they are as self aware as you are?

Another thing I've realised about me recently - I don't listen very well when in a social group situation and dominate with my stories which often aren't that funny

[swissie]

I am insanely lazy

And VAIN. I'm finding aging so difficult.

[Casperandme]

Me too swissie. I thought I'd age gracefully, but no

[colditz]

My body language is shit.

I come across as brusque and unapproachable. when I'm actually anxious, and this just puts people off engaging with me, leaving me more anxious.

I think I'm autistic. Everyone I know that I have approached with this idea has said "Yes, I can see that!" My son is autistic. I'm a 38 year old woman who doesn't really know how to proceed with the next stage of adult life.

[Snowymountainsalways]

I talk too much, and even when I know I should have shut up literally minutes before I can't easily conclude what I am saying, this can be made much worse when I am nervous.

I have however successfully managed to do things now and immediately and not forever putting things off to tomorrow.

[WitsEnding]

I am too fond of my own space and have no idea how to reach out to people.

[PawneeToday]

Casper that is so me with the altruistic stuff. I handwring about the state of things, think to myself 'but I volunteeeeeeer' and then realise that was a good ten years ago and I'm still morally dining out on it