Bizarre comments your children have made

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

DS2 (6yo) turned to me while we were watching some cartoon and commented, casually "Mummy, my willy is SO STIFF and it won't go down". I stared at him for a moment before admitting that I had no idea how he should address this issue

Please tell me the weird shit your DC have said that you can't really share with other (non-anonymous) people

We have a lovely babysitter who is also a TA at our DC's school. The DC's really like her.
One day after she had babysat for us, DS (4) said "next time Mrs X comes to babysit please can we have a sleepover? Mrs X can sleep with Daddy and Mummy can sleep in DD's room".

I didn't really know what to say!

My partner works away a lot. My 2 yo said “I have one mummy “ to which we replied yes. She then declared she has 2 daddies, one called bobby. Wtf

Completely out of nowhere, 2yo turned to me this evening and said affectionately “Don’t worry mummy, I won’t chop YOUR head off.”

Makes me worry what he has planned for everyone else tbh.

I was reading 'Where willy went' to my almost five year old did last night. We got to the bit about Mr Browns testicles and, as we had had our cat neutered the week before, I happened to mention that this was the part he had had removed. She said 'Poor little sperms. I love sperm'.

I just hope to god she doesn't say that at school.

@Chwaraeteg er what book is that?!

Ginevra DS1 once stood in front of my face (aged 2), stared for a moment, said "Hitting people is wrong" and then left. I was

Chwaraeteg ?!?

😂😂 sorry dd is only 10 months old so I have nothing to add, but this thread is really making me laugh

Dd2, when she was about 2 and a half, repeated on number of occasions- mummy, when you die at Christmas..... It coincided with the local radio station having "Don't fear the reaper" on their play list. I got quite paranoid. (But survived Christmas that year and subsequent ones, fingers crossed for this year!)

I went to put a top on, telling DH and 3 year old dd that mummy's titties are swinging like bags of potatoes. Dd laughed "no mummy, you're like a frog"

Girl at works's dd just started reception and whispered to her new teacher, "don't worry, I like you so I won't hurt you." She's 4!!

Dd3 at 4 announced "My favourite things are knives and blood!" we watch that one very closely and are hoping she'll be a surgeon rather than a serial killer. Fingers crossed!

We had a couple of years of getting nothing out of DD during her first two years at school. Until one at she came out with "Mummy, I was NOT a nice friend at school today" and then refused to elaborate. We did ask the teacher and she had no idea either what DD was talking about.

Not weird but makes me a bad bad parent.

2 year old did today walked into her 6 y/o sisters tip of a room, turned to me with arm outstretched dramatically:
"Look at this fucking room!"

I do TRY not swear in front of her.

Now remembering DS2 coming home from school aged 4 and darkly declaring that he had 'en-o-mies' at school who were giving him trouble my beautiful little weirdo.

He also frequently threatens me, DH and DS1 with graphic violence ('I WILL HIT YOU WITH A KNIFE IN YOUR EYE') but we have, worryingly, got used to it.... I swear to God he's not watching anything stronger than the Avenger films!!

'Mummy, daddy has gone away and he is never coming back. He has gone to 's house.'

Dniece (4) while crabbing last week told us they were adorable, today the conkers on the trees were incredible. She jumped off her scooter and wanted to run because she wanted to be healthy. When walking though a quirky village today announced that it was so peacefull.

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow that's so weird, my 3 year old walked in our eldests room with us and sighed 'what a fucking mess'
Glad we aren't the only ones

My 5yo dd today came out with ( in a singing voice) does anyone want to come and kill themselves with me

Dd asked tonight when pigs were invented

She is 16

Shes gonna be living with me forever isnt she

ThinkAboutItTomorrow That made me laugh

DS told everyone he met that Santa slept with mummy last night

Ds stayed with my sister and they were getting ready for bed. She quickly changed her tshirt to pyjamas and he stood open mouthed and said “wow!!! My mummy’s aren’t like that!!!!” Talking about her big boobs. Mine are 32a

Everytime we pass a graveyard my ds asks if we can go in he seems to be a bit obsessed with death

Internet reveals Where Willy Went is a book about the facts of life (to clarify post upthread!)