Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Bizarre comments your children have made

138 replies

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 23/09/2018 19:17

DS2 (6yo) turned to me while we were watching some cartoon and commented, casually "Mummy, my willy is SO STIFF and it won't go down". I stared at him for a moment before admitting that I had no idea how he should address this issue Confused

Please tell me the weird shit your DC have said that you can't really share with other (non-anonymous) people Grin

OP posts:
twoheaped · 23/09/2018 22:35

My dniece (14) declared at the dinner table that her vulva had been sore all day.
After ShockHmmBlush faces, my dsis asked, do you mean your verucca Grin?

Gibble1 · 23/09/2018 22:37

DS aged about 2.5, sitting gazing wistfully out to sea from on top of a hill “I like a nice view!”
DD aged 2: “we got my new baby brother for Christmas from Mummy’s work!”.

AhAgain · 23/09/2018 22:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MrsNacho · 23/09/2018 22:41

Ds asking lots of questions about my mum who died when I was a child. He said were you sad when your mum died? I replied yes of course. He said well you are acting like you don't even care.

My sister moved next to the cemetery and DS said it's nice that auntie lives next to your mum isn't it. But your mum lives in the ground cos she's dead.
(Now who doesn't care!)

When I said that he has been asking for lots of things and I am not made of money he said, don't worry, if I get some Christmas money I will send a bit your way.

Discussing his brothers birth by ventouse he said - so they stick a plunger in your vagina?! Well yes sort of. Is it still in there?

I was talking about our new neighbours with DD and she asked if they had any children she could play with.
I said no not yet, they are a young couple.
DS pipes up- well tell them if they have a baby they can take care of it themselves and you're not babysitting.

D's is 6 and cracks me up regularly!

Courtney555 · 23/09/2018 22:43

When I had my boobs done DS was only about 2. He associated "Boob job" with anything that looked like it had been bandaged or dressed.

My boss and his wife came round for dinner, he was an avid rugby player and had taken quite a clout to the nose, which still had steri strips on.

I was carrying DS up the stairs to bed as they arrived, he leant over my shoulder and wailed in horror "Mummmmmmy that man has a boob job on his faaaaaace"

Fml.

anitagreen · 23/09/2018 22:46

My DD who is 3 telling the taxi driver last week " my mummy has a willy no I mean not a willy she has a moo moo, and I have a moo moo to but my daddy doesn't " Blush awful journey I wanted to launch her down the motorway Grin

incendio · 23/09/2018 22:54

D niece has always stayed over at my house at the weekends and when she was little I used to take her in the bath with me then one day when she was about 3 we were sitting on the couch watching tv and she started pulling my top down and when I told her to stop it she said "pleaaaase I haven't seen them in ages" talking about my boobs!

She's 10 now and last year I had a coil fitted and I had a lot of problems with it so had to get an emergency appointment to have it removed but I was watching her while my d sis was away for a long weekend so she had to come with me. So I explained to her what was going to happen at the clinic so she wouldn't be alarmed and she said "so you have to lie with your flower out?" And when I said yes she looked thoughtful for a long moment then said "sounds quite refreshing!"

Kids are so weird!!

TokyoSushi · 23/09/2018 22:55

'I do hope you don't die soon' said DD (5) kindly this afternoon. I certainly don't have any intention of doing so!

chilledteacher · 23/09/2018 22:59

My DS at 6 (now 8) wanted to know if fly killer spray worked on humans too. May have slept with one eye open that night 😂

Hideandgo · 23/09/2018 22:59

My two year old is having trouble with doing #2’s in her pants and as I cleaned her up on the loo today she said joyfully ‘thank you very much mummy. Nice job. You’re the best’.

PeachyKeenJellymonster · 23/09/2018 22:59

My dd regularly went through a phase of reminding me "your dads dead mummy"

My youngest had to come to the loo with me in a public toilet and yelled out "mummy I can see your willie" I don't have one

My oldest dd is boob obsessed and recently dreamily announced how much she really loves boobs! Really big boobs... "those are my favourite"

GoodbyeSummer · 23/09/2018 23:01

When people die, do they all just watch us?
When you die, do you turn into aliens?
If you hold money in this [your right] hand, do you go into space?
When you die, why do they bury you? How do ghosts get up if they've got no body? What if they put you on that big fire? How do they know you're dead before they burn you? (My step-dad was cremated and we had some jewellery made with ashes so I tried to explain what had happened).
Do dogs come back as ghosts when they die? What about cats?

Hideandgo · 23/09/2018 23:02

And my son (5) also told me yesterday that unicorns are not make believe, his teacher told him there used to be unicorns but they all died. Like dinosaurs. And worse, she told them that God’s favourite animals are dinosaurs’. Both tragic and hilarious. He followed up with ‘they are extinct. Like the holy mammoths’. Fuck me I was in bits trying not to laugh while driving.

MarklahMarklah · 23/09/2018 23:02

My DD has, over the years come out with many bizarre things. I offer you this:
"This dolly's having a birthday party. This one can't come though, she's dead"
And this: ""Inscrutable faces are for bedtime. When you go to bed you have to have YOUR inscrutable face"

TheTrapDoor · 23/09/2018 23:08

A trailer came on for TV show about the menendez brothers who murdered their parents, DD turned to me and said "don't worry mummy, I won't kill you!" 😱

Strippervicar · 23/09/2018 23:12

DD 3.5 playing how many words can you guess beginning with, with bath letters came out with, "L is for libertine." As a massive fan of the band I didn't know whether to be proud or be bemused. Maybe I won't be explaining what a libertine actually is just yet.

Original poster
ContessasGulagSpaDay · 23/09/2018 23:14

We have a giant teddy (massive bastard; over a metre tall and same distance across) who has pride of place in the corner of DS1's room. DS1 and I came upstairs at bedtime tonight to find DS2 standing on top of giant teddy, head cocked to one side, holding his favourite toy at an artful angle, waiting for us to come in. HE IS SUCH A WEIRDO.

Loving all these - kids should be creepy AF in my opinion for maximum entertainment value Grin

OP posts:
SleeptightDaisy · 23/09/2018 23:16

DD 3.7 still has a breast feed at night last week I love nipples. Mrs C (nursery Teacher) hasn't got nipples me: how do you know? Dd: because she hasn't got boobs, Mrs C... And Mrs H have they can feed their babies. Hopefully she won't repeat the conversation at nursery

Penguinsetpandas · 23/09/2018 23:17

DD in year 4 asked me to make her teacher my boyfriend. I said I don't think that's appropriate as he's half my age and I don't think DH would be impressed. She said Mummy you can have a boyfriend and a husband, you just can't marry them both, it will be fine. Smile

Another time my friend comes over and she's very pretty. DS about 5 said you can stay the night in my bed if you want. I would like it if you were Mummy's girlfriend. 😱

Penguinsetpandas · 23/09/2018 23:20

When DS was 2 went to a restaurant with my attractive Danish friend. She asked if DS could sit on her lap. DS very happily went there and put his hand down her top and shouted Bra at the top of his voice.

MrsNacho · 23/09/2018 23:30

Ds was breastfed untill he was about 2 and a half. Never had a bottle and was obsessed with boobs and mummy milk for a long time after still

My sister was pregnant and planning to bottle feed her baby, I was the only person in our family that had breastfed so it wasn't the norm.

She said to DS, when my baby is born are you going to help me feed her? (Thinking bottle feed)
DS looked at her awful confused and horrified said No way! (Thinking breastfeeding)
Took us a while to figure out why he had been so against it.

Sassenach85 · 23/09/2018 23:44

Some of these are hilarious! Grin

I was once in a busy public toilet with my DD age 4. She had been and now it was my turn! Just so happened I was on my period and couldn't hide the sanitary towel very well - clearly - as she proceeded to ask in her loudest voice "mummy look at your nappy! It's got brown in it!!"

Pitying look from her and then "oh mummy you pood your nappy??"

I kept saying sshhhh and the more I said shhhhh the more she repeatedly shouted her question "but mummy why have you got a nappyyyyyyy"

By the point we were leaving the cubicle I was in actual hysterics laughing as she was just so adamant that she had to know GrinBlush

Penguinsetpandas · 23/09/2018 23:54

DS on being told his grandad (DHs Dad) had just died Yes, Yes, Yes People die all the time, never liked him anyway. Was glad I told him not DH.

FoodGloriousFud · 24/09/2018 08:37

@Rufusthebewilderedreindeer I just read your comment to my DH as he asked what I was laughing at. He replied surely she means domesticated pigs and how they were selectively bred from boars! There's hope yet!

Mummaluelae · 24/09/2018 10:42

My ds has come out with :
"When you die out you die out and sleep for ever"
"What is tax? I don't need any. I have a piano"
(To my dd during nappy change) "oh no your willy is gone. It shrinked , don't worry when your bigger you will have a big willy like me"
"Mummy it hates you and wants you to get out this house"
(About eyelash curlers) "mummy are you a detective. That's a special magnifying glass. A spy one"
My favourite has to be
"Oh my goodness. Fuck sake my room is a fucking mess "