Bizarre comments your children have made

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

DS2 (6yo) turned to me while we were watching some cartoon and commented, casually "Mummy, my willy is SO STIFF and it won't go down". I stared at him for a moment before admitting that I had no idea how he should address this issue

Please tell me the weird shit your DC have said that you can't really share with other (non-anonymous) people

My DD has recently started telling us she has a devil and angel inside of her head and every time she does something naughty it was the devils fault for telling her to do it. It’s really, really creepy.

My baby DS is not yet capable of such things - but I look forward to it - but when I was about four apparently I asked our teenage babysitter, who had bought her boyfriend over with her, whether they slept in the same bed... I think I had just figured out that that was what couples did, but the poor girl was only 15 and probably not up for being interrogated about her sex life by a child!

From the back of the car my DS then about 5 comes out with - Oh look a yellow car, how very rare!

Of course we now say that all the time we see a yellow car

Talking to DD3 (3.10) about where would be nice to go on holiday,

Me: Italy would be nice, just like peppa pig
DD3: yeh, I want to go to poo land

Whilst getting changed recently my son (3 at the time) said "I like your elbows mummy" and patted me on the boobs

Oh and apparently whilst leaving school last week DS said to DH "Look at that big Momma over there!" and continued to repeat it whilst DH told him to be quiet and ushered him out of the playground at haste.

Walking with my then 5 yer old dd we couldn't avoid seeing a dead cat in the gutter that had clearly been hit by a car. Not wanting her upset I hurried past it saying " oh dear, Jesus must have wanted a little pussy for a pet" to which she replied matter of factly staring over her shoulder for a better look, "what does Jesus want with a Dead cat"

The subject of drugs came up and I tried to explain that there were legal kinds and illegal kinds.... DS2 (6) says: "Oh, oh, is that what you and your friend did outside the other night? No idea what he's talking about and DH is looking at me like
He explained: "When you licked your arms, drank something and then ate a lemon"

Oh I've just thought of another one when dd piped up "mommy do you remember when you hit that man with your car"

I have NEVER hit anybody with my car so no idea where she got that from.

DD (4) has no filter, her thoughts come tumbling out of her mouth even if they aren't the most thought out. She regularly has us in stitches with her gems. But one of my least favourite was recently at the butchers when I was chatting to the young man at the counter she pipes up with 'Mum are you making him your boyfriend?' I laugh and say no, I'm having a conversation and Daddy is my boyfriend to which she replies but he's not here so you can have another boyfriend.

Going to nursery yesterday she sees her Dad coming down our driveway after locking up the house and sighs deeply and says 'I can't believe he's wearing that'. He was wearing his normal work shirt so nothing she hadn't seen before.

Not my child, but a friend's: "If you're not nice, Father Christmas will come to your country, come down the chimney and kick you in the stomach until you die."

Found a smiley face drawn by our bedroom wall.

Said to DS then 5 did you do that?

DS No it wasn't me, it was my hands that did it.

Deathraystare
GoodbyeSummer - you haven't provided answers to all those questions!!
I think most of those were answered with, "Errrr... I don't know love. What do you think?"