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Original poster

Bizarre comments your children have made

138 replies

ContessasGulagSpaDay · 23/09/2018 19:17

DS2 (6yo) turned to me while we were watching some cartoon and commented, casually "Mummy, my willy is SO STIFF and it won't go down". I stared at him for a moment before admitting that I had no idea how he should address this issue Confused

Please tell me the weird shit your DC have said that you can't really share with other (non-anonymous) people Grin

OP posts:
MrsNacho · 24/09/2018 22:44

@Vonvon222 Thanks, I made him myself. He always looks at me these days and says Mum I know you are being sarcastic. I can't say anything now. He was talking to his friends dad about an avengers film and ds said oh yea, that was Ultra Intense. With much emphasis. The kids dad said oh have you seen it?! This would have probably been a 12 film I am guessing? DS replies, no but I saw a poster for it in the cinema.

SausageSimon · 24/09/2018 23:00

Literally just been shouted up by DS who is 5, he'd woken up and said "you've got to have a nice time before you die" he's not wrong Grin

Asmallrole · 24/09/2018 23:12

My DD works at a vets and told my DGD age 4 that she'd been holding a lovely little puppy at work today. DGD said 'aww that's cute, had it come to die ?'

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Original poster
ContessasGulagSpaDay · 24/09/2018 23:15

Asmallrole that's a perfectly logical query!! I realised I had become a bit too morbid with my two when I would telling them about a random person they'd not met and they'd break in with "And are they DEAD now, Mummy?" The thing is they often were Blush I'm too predictable.

OP posts:
mrsnolasco · 24/09/2018 23:34

This is very outing but have to share.
When DC3 was 2, she went through a phase of callear my herself Doris if she was being naughty. No idea why.
Anyway around this time we moved house, and she introduced herself to all the new neighbours as Doris.
About a year later, we were out getting into the car when the old lady over the road shouted across “Hello Doris, are you alright?” Without missing a beat, she replied “my name isn’t Doris you stupid bastard. My name is insert name here”.
I wanted the ground to swallow me. Thankfully the neighbour found it hilarious.

Flobalob · 25/09/2018 03:52

My kids have known about periods from a young age. Just after the first conversation we'd had (after they saw me replacing a tampon in the loo at home) we were in a public loo. 4 year old DS loudly asks "Mummy, do you have your period? Do you need to change your tampon?"

Flobalob · 25/09/2018 03:54

While bending down and peering to have a closer look!!!!

LieInsAreExtinct · 25/09/2018 06:26

My son, when about 8, when asked what he had had for lunch at school, replied, "Bathingstoke'." I guessed he must have heard someone mention Basingstoke and liked the sound of it. I asked him what it tasted like and he said, "A bit dusty".

RangerLady · 25/09/2018 07:01

Nursery regularly tell me that dd1 amuses them with her grown up turns of phrase; "I just LOVE cakes with glitter on" but my favourite to me was reading a Beatrix potter book, Mrs McGregor says she wants to make a rabbit fur coat and will cut off their heads. DD1, head cocked quizically to the side: "With a knife or scissors?"

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/09/2018 07:33

banterlope wins with 'I don't want the tooth fairy to come, she'll knock my teeth out and steal my money.'

Onthebrink87 · 25/09/2018 07:43

Ds, 4 whilst helping me clear the table (a novelty in itself) look mummy, im a slave too! 😢Blush

BikeRunSki · 25/09/2018 07:59

“Sheesh Mummy, that is far too hard for an old woman like you” - DS, aged about 6. I have no no idea where he got “Sheesh” from, and I can’t remember what I was doing, but it still makes me chuckle.

BikeRunSki · 25/09/2018 08:01

Where Willy Went is a very good early book about sex and pregnancy. It is aimed at 6-8 year olds. Lighthearted and factual.

Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 25/09/2018 08:18

DD (4)But Mummy! I don't want you to get married to DP. I want to marry you!

Hellohah · 25/09/2018 09:25

My DS once told the vicar at a christening he was wrong, because he referred to God as a man. God couldn't possibly be a man as he wouldn't have been able to give birth to the world as he didn't have a vagina.

Original poster
ContessasGulagSpaDay · 25/09/2018 09:30

Hellohah that is amazing Grin what did the vicar say?!

OP posts:
Hellohah · 25/09/2018 09:52

Credit where it's due, the vicar just laughed and said it was a wonderful point. He was a really nice fella, really great with the kids so I imagine he had heard more crazy things than that in his time - he might be a good contributor to this thread haha!

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 25/09/2018 10:18

My son when he was 2, "Mummy concerned face are you fat enough?"

Deathraystare · 25/09/2018 10:41

GoodbyeSummer - you haven't provided answers to all those questions!!

Deathraystare · 25/09/2018 10:42

"What is tax? I don't need any. I have a piano"

Wow, must tell my brother as he has a piano so therefore won't need to pay tax!!!

gimeallthecake · 25/09/2018 10:46

@Chwaraeteg I'm in stitches! Where did you get the book?

dontbesillyhenry · 25/09/2018 10:55

When ds was about five he said he wanted to marry my brother. I told him you can't marry your uncle to which he replied 'I can I can be a lesbian'
Ds age two walks into nursery and loudly points at a mixed race child and shouts 'he's the colour yellow' please ground open up and swallow me

Deathraystare · 25/09/2018 10:55

She's told me she's never moving out, she's staying with me till she's 100.

NoCuts - I am not sure which is the scarier - the mini psychopath posts or the above!!!!!!!

Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly · 25/09/2018 11:05

Shamelessly placemarking

Tinythenewt · 25/09/2018 11:13

DS2 aged 4 asked, "does strawberry flavoured milk come from pigs?"

He also regularly says "Mummy, when you die you will come back as a baby and I will look after you and push you on the swing. I quite like that idea.