Stupid/offensive things people say when you're disabled

[SeekingClosure]

I have ms and use a mobility scooter for longer distances. Yesterday I was at a tourist attraction having a nice time, when a member of staff came up to me to say 'oh it's alright for some, riding about on that all day!'. I was quite taken aback at his crassness but my female conditioning came into play and I did a cross between eyes raised in incredulity and a smile. I didn't make a complaint because his I.d. indicated he was a volunteer.

When I go to Aldi I walk around leaning on the trolley, some days with more difficulty than others. One day the assistant on the till remarked brightly 'you're hobbling less than usual today!'. Hobbling fgs.

I realise these two examples were not intentionally hurtful but really, why comment on a person's disability at all? My illness is not public property!

Share your examples of this kind of thing please. I would especially love to hear any fitting retorts you have made as I am always stunned into silence!

I don't quite know what I'm going to say, but let's see what brain and fingers come up with and just go with it...
Your illness may not be 'public property' but as you write they're not intentionally hurtful, suppose it could be thought its being empathetic to you and your condition?
People are (mostly) nice and want to help, do you agree?
True that sometimes they're not hitting that sweet spot for you but id give them 10/10 for trying.

I'm so b.disabled now that things I did for years as common courtesy for others, ie,holding doors open for the next person?, I absolutely appreciate now when someone does it for me. Like opening and holding open doors to toilets cos theyre all pig heavy firedoors now?

i never ever dreamed id become like this, but i accept how life is, and appreciate the help im given.

So, not 'retorts' but thanks from me.

Oh! and bonus!! Peeps are really nice in pubs and bars. My order's taken quickly and my drinks are delivered to my table. Gotta be good

To be honest comments from randomers pass over me these days.

I'm increasingly miffed at my social circle though who are all born again exercises now they have hit 50. Really fed up with lunches and dinner parties where everyone drones on endlessly about their 10k times and their next "challenge". Have a little chat about it sure, but making it the sole subject of conversation effectively excludes me from participating. I wouldn't bore a blind person with my opinion on a painting exhibition or expect an infertile friend to enjoy my monologue about my amazing pregnancy.

I suspect I need to widen my social circle.

Have you tried changing your diet?

Not ANOTHER hospital appointment?? That’s one every three months??

I know you say you had this degenerative debilitating deformative illness confirmed 15 years ago but are you SURE it’s not in your head?

How do you cope?

The presumption that if you say you can't do something you just haven't tried/haven't tried a different way/are lying

Yeah because I it's hard enough asking for help as it is so I'm totally going to make it harder on myself by asking for help to do stuff I CAN do

The assumption that you can't/don't/have never had sex

The assumption that a physical disability also impairs your cognitive function

Being referred to as She

DO YOU KNOW THEY'RE IN A WHEELCHAIR

The assumption that anyone accompanying you is your paid Carer for who would choose to be with you voluntarily?

And many more.

"I feel sorry for your husband, having to do everything."

From ds1 - I’m not a special child. I’m deaf and it is really hard. To yet another doctor who called him special. He is only 8.

Cfs/chronic pain

But you don't look disabled
Are you sure you really need xyz reasonable adjustment
Have you tried cbd oil
Have you tried cannabis
Have you tried being a vegan
Are you sure you don't have Lyme disease instead
No-one needs to sleep for 10 hours plus a day
Those seats (on the bus) are only for the pensioners
Disabled people can work and you can still claim PIP if you're working

Yes, I might not look disabled however what people can't see is the spinal arthritis that's slowly getting worse, the sacroillitis that prevents me from standing/sitting for anything more than half an hour, or the brain fog thanks to the drugs I take to function at a basic level. Or the chronic fatigue which is way more than being 'a little bit tired'. And the next person who tells me I shouldn't be using my blue badge because they are only for people with a wheelchair/walking stick/pensioners/properly disabled people is going to get told to take my disability or go fuck themselves.

I really ought to start playing disability bingo. Every time I hear a phrase I should tick it off my bingo card. I reckon that I would have a full house within a month.

mrs.pear your son's remark, and so true, has made me tear up...

Oh, shutupand you mentioned the term 'brain fog'? I'd not heard it before hearing it yesterday. Thought he was saying "brain fuck"and thought...yep! that's about right

My disability is hidden, so usually all I get is why is she using the disabled toilet, there's nothing wrong with her. Nobody has outright questioned me yet.

I do get the change your diet, etc. Which is redundant, as it's usually about things I've been specifically told by doctors not to eat.

'Gosh that sounds exciting!' Said a dentist when I described my DD's life threatening heart condition. Hmm it really isn't! Worse still he was a dentist at a hospital for patients with additional needs 😬

Do the assistants in Aldi have onligatory training on hobbling and pain levels? I have inflammatory arthritis and they've commented on the hobbleness of the day in my local store

Obligatory ffs 🙄

Aviator- brain fuck is also a quite apt way of describing it as well!

My DP asked a colleague who was carrying a heavy bag if he was using the train station lift. Colleague replied 'lifts are for people like you.'

When talking to another colleague DP sneezed and explained he had hay fever. Colleague said 'is there anything that isn't wrong with you?'

My most regular one is

" But you aren't properly disabled are you?" ( I have a joint disorder and am waiting for two new knees).....

but I also get plenty of others.

"Bipolar? I get a bit excited at times too. And a bit sad. That's normal though, don't know why they say it's not".

The worst ones are from medical staff themselves believe it or not. I went to hospital in an ambulance, was blue lighted in as I couldn't breathe. The doctor asked me if I had any other health issues and the first one I list is always bipolar as I have had it forever. He didn't let me finish, just huffed and walked away, telling me over his shoulder that it was a panic attack and I was wasting his time. My husband forced him back in to examine me and I had pneumonia as a result of the chemo I was on !!

I've had "aren't you lucky?" When I said DS has a blue badge. Yeees but he's never called me Mum, I think I'd trade.
Another one, we were in a supermarket and DS raced ahead of my to the crisps display and stood right in front of a woman who was looking at them. I caught up and apologised for him standing right in front of her, "he's very rude" she said so I told her he's got autism and she said "but you haven't" I did tell her to fuck off

Are you sure? You look so well.

I've known you for years and I didn't know you're depressed/have ADHD.

But you look so normal!

I have minor disabilities, but my mum is now bed ridden. When I was able to get her out in a wheelchair, I used to get sooo frustrated at the people who talked to me about her, often even not looking at mum.

I used to ask them why they were asking me, at which point mist would go red, apologize and speak to mum

Apart from one twat, who replied "who else would I ask?". Told him to speak to mum, loud voice and crowded area, and reminded him that a physical disability didn't mean mental issue. Twat

Like PP I find careless remarks from strangers a lot less hurtful than the systematic insensitivity from my friends.

I do like the following, however...
"What happened to you?"
Erm, genetics? 😂

are you SURE you're in that much pain? no one can be in that much pain, its not possible

do you realyl need those crutches, they are embarrassing to be seen with don't you think?

why can't you just get on with it? everyone else to and they have aches and pains too

oh so you have mental health issues as well? is there anythign you won't lay a claim to having?

i'd love to lay in bed all day, it must be so nice to not have to get up, i'd love it

why'd you need so much medication?/have yu thought about yoga?/why not go gluten free it cured my auntie of her arthritis/it's all the pills makign you sick you know.

fed up of it tbh

Bipolar? I get a bit excited at times too. And a bit sad. That's normal though, don't know why they say it's not

I get similar about dyspraxia. ‘Well I have a bad memory/am clumsy/lose concentration too but there’s nothing wrong with me!’ Well good for you!

Gonna have this tattooed all over my face!!

My son has complex learning disabilities and autism he also has chronic constipation to the extent he has had several hospital admissionns and is treated with enemas and suppostories s(he refuses all oral meds) the amount of people on hearing this who have suggested a bit of prune juice might work if only it easy!

Yes to Aa!!

DD has been in & out of paediatric care for constipation including on her 2nd birthday and Mothers Day and if the in-laws tell me ONE more time it’s because I’m feeding her incorrectly, someone will get hurt.

They fed her 100g of white chocolate and a packet of ready salted crisps for her lunch today.

They just don’t want to understand, do they!?