Stupid/offensive things people say when you're disabled

[SeekingClosure]

I have ms and use a mobility scooter for longer distances. Yesterday I was at a tourist attraction having a nice time, when a member of staff came up to me to say 'oh it's alright for some, riding about on that all day!'. I was quite taken aback at his crassness but my female conditioning came into play and I did a cross between eyes raised in incredulity and a smile. I didn't make a complaint because his I.d. indicated he was a volunteer.

When I go to Aldi I walk around leaning on the trolley, some days with more difficulty than others. One day the assistant on the till remarked brightly 'you're hobbling less than usual today!'. Hobbling fgs.

I realise these two examples were not intentionally hurtful but really, why comment on a person's disability at all? My illness is not public property!

Share your examples of this kind of thing please. I would especially love to hear any fitting retorts you have made as I am always stunned into silence!

I have MS too and I will happily batter the next person who tells me that I don’t look ill. I appreciate it’s meant to be kind and maybe complimentary but it always seems to be on a day when I feel like absolute shite. Oh and when the fatigue kicks in and I can’t even speak I’m so tired and someone (usually the same culprit) will say oh yes I get tired too

I can understand how the op feels, many people don't seem to be able to - say nothing! Hopefully, if they are young, they will learn but some people never do unfortunately, they're tactless for life.

Still, as op says, the remarks aren't meant to be offensive.

All we can do is try to make sure we are not insensitive and to bring our children up to be tactful.

For me it’s the constant staring ( I make allowances for children) I want to scream “ Have you never seen someone with a limp before?”

The feeling of being public property. Some people feel it’s acceptable to barge into a family outing with comments like “What on EARTH happened to you?” It is very upsetting to my children, especially my youngest. She doesn’t even want me to go swimming with her anymore because of the stares and comments :(

Ohh yes and have you tried this diet that cured so and so doctor in Australia... thanks for that I’ll stop taking all my pain relief and disease modifying drugs and eat a bloody carrot and some kale

My partner has chohns disease, he told me it actually upsets him when I make constant remarks about him going to the loo, or play the "I'm more tired" game. I forget it's an auto immune disease sometimes and that he is very poorly. So I'm guilty of actually being the ignorant one!

Yes @SecretWitch absolutely people feel entitled to pass any random comment they feel like regardless of how hurtful it is :

For example a bus driver pretty much called me fat to two strangers getting on as I was getting off

"There's a lot of weight on that thing"

Also a bus driver

"wheelchairs have priority by law now..... UNFORTUNATELY"

The classics:
Have you tried homeopathy?
You should change your diet
You should go gluten free
Drs in conventional medicine are in a conspiracy with drug companies to make you take medication
Etc etc
I do enjoy telling people that I have modified my diet and it's LOW fibre, that always stuns them

I have degenerative arthritis too and I hate when someone points out my limp. Do you have to? Do you fucking have to?

Yes we are wheelchair friendly and only have two steps to the disabled toilet. No sorry we don't have a ramp.

Eh?

When will you get better?

Where did you get your wheelchair from? I might get one for shopping trips because my legs get tired when I'm in and out of shops all day.

You're too young to have a blue badge.

I don't believe that blue badge is yours, let me see it, now! If you don't show me the photo I'll report you!

What's your wheelchair for?

Do you speak English? (said very slowly and deliberately)

Can your chair just go up one or two stairs?

Sure I'll think of more.

OMG, your scars are horrible aren't they?

You should have that cut off and get a fancy one like the soldiers (regarding my non functional arm)

You can't still be in pain can you?

I am disabled but it's not evident unless you look closely.

I was on a bus recently and sat on one of the disabled seats as there is no way I could have got up the stairs. Another woman got on the bus and told me to "shift as I'm more disabled than you are".

I did manage not to tell her I didn't realise it was a competition.

@ValleyClouds, I’m so sorry. It feels like our disabilities are for public consumption. Almost as if we are characters in their play and not humans with real feelings.

@SnipSnipMrBurgess, I’m always stunned when people make remarks like that. I sometimes feel like gaping back at them and say “WHATS THAT YOU SAY?? I HAVE A LIMP? ARE YOU SURE?

@SnipSnipMrBurgess - I've been told by perfect strangers that I limp too. It makes me feel like saying "really? I've only been liked this 40 years, I've never noticed!"

Not quite the same, but still a daft comment made by someone related to disability......

I was on a day out somewhere with DH, FIL and a family friend. I was about 36 weeks pregnancy with DS.

DH pulled up at the entrance to the car park and asked the attendant for directions to the disabled parking.

Family friend (dead serious) looked at me and said "oooh I didn't realise they gave you a blue badge for being pregnant!"

No, they don't. It's FILs. You know, cos he has MS

(Friend did get ribbed for quite a while afterwards about that one!)

Why are there so many disabled parking bays and not enough Parent and Child bays? The disabled ones are always empty, they should have less, and give the space to people who really need them.

Dick: Do you have a licence for that? [when in my powered wheelchair]
Me: Yes, the NHS don't give them to anyone. I had to pass a test showing I have the cognitive function to manoeuvre without endangering myself or anyone else.
Dick: hahaha! You're joking right?
Me: No, now fuckoff.

Have you tried aloe vera gel? It's all natural and many find the healing properties amazing. I can't say it will cure you....but...
[aloe vera unfortunately is not a cure for a genetic progressive condition that includes chronic pain and, for which, there is no cure]

Have you tried mindfulness? You are bit pessimistic...

SecretWitch oh yes, I've had family members ask what has happened to me, I don't look the same and have gained so much weight. Thanks family, I love the fact I've gained weight, take immunosuppressants that have caused lots of infections, I've really loved being an inpatient on an nhs holiday, I can't exercise anymore other than a jolly good potter around the house, have no social life, blah blah blah. It's a fucking hoot 🙄

“He’s a bit old to be in a pram isn’t he?” - about his SN buggy.

“Oh ye my aunties Dogs brother has asthma, he needs to have an inhaler sometimes” - well ya boo sucks to you; ds needs multiple medications each day to Breath so not really comparable!

“You spend a lot of time at hospital, you must go there at the drop of a hat” - strangely no, it’s not a pastime we enjoy

Oh the aloe Vera shit boils my blood. I used to run a self help group and some forever living fucker would pop up pretending they had the same condition and pretend they were cured by drinking aloe Vera because our arthritis was caused by a leaking gut.

I went for an interview recently and I walked into the room. The first thing said to me was "Oh did you hurt your leg?" I said no and smiled, continued to introduce myself. The fucker persisted. He says, but you have a limp, is it your back? I said no not at all, tried to continue but he kept asking. Eventually I said it was arthritis. I didn't get the job.

Have you tried losing weight?
You should exercise more.
But you were ok walking the other day?
:eye roll:
But you didn't need a stick the other day, you sure you're not just using it for the attention?
I'd love to be as lazy as you, but some of us have to work for a living.

I have degenerative disk disease and associated sciatica, back pain and referred hip pain. I have some good days, some bad.

@legocardsagain

If I had a pound for every HILARIOUS person (usually male) who has asked me if I have a licence for my powerchair, or expressed their hope that I have a licence I'd have enough money over the last 4 years to fund a dream destination holiday

It is beyond tedious and yet they always think they are so original

I work as a carer/support worker for 2 people , both in wheelchairs, person A with brain injury person B with muscular dystrophy, was out last week walking thru a car park with person A pushing wheelchair and a woman shouted to her 10 yr old son
“JONTY!! GET OUT OF THE WAY OF THE DISABLED MAN!!”
Only a little thing but you wouldnt say “get out of the way of the black/old/fat/Chinese/blonde man”, so why say disabled when there was no one else around ?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤔
She was BU to say disabled man
She was DEFINITELY BU to call her son Jonty 😂
Person B I take on the bus and it’s a proper faff with his specialist wheelchair with pipes and ventilators etc attached and it get me the rubbernecking of people staring as we struggle to get on , or the bus drivers who don’t bother to get the ramp out as per their duties. Last week I could hardly stop laughing, as the lad has “ Lindsey issues” as the bus doors were open and the driver stayed out he said in car to loud a voice “is this c**t getting this fucking ramp out or what?” Everyone on the bus was either mortified or howling laughing 😂

I realise these are just minor examples compared to what others have to deal with on a daily basis but just thought I’d share! 🙂

*boundary issues!!! No idea what Lindsey issues are 😁

"Oh, I've only heard you speak about him before, but your son seems less disabled than I thought he was!"

There cant be much wrong with your mental health I saw you in town twice this week

HOW BOUT THE OTHER 3 WEEKS I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!

....and breathe