Stupid/offensive things people say when you're disabled

[SeekingClosure]

I have ms and use a mobility scooter for longer distances. Yesterday I was at a tourist attraction having a nice time, when a member of staff came up to me to say 'oh it's alright for some, riding about on that all day!'. I was quite taken aback at his crassness but my female conditioning came into play and I did a cross between eyes raised in incredulity and a smile. I didn't make a complaint because his I.d. indicated he was a volunteer.

When I go to Aldi I walk around leaning on the trolley, some days with more difficulty than others. One day the assistant on the till remarked brightly 'you're hobbling less than usual today!'. Hobbling fgs.

I realise these two examples were not intentionally hurtful but really, why comment on a person's disability at all? My illness is not public property!

Share your examples of this kind of thing please. I would especially love to hear any fitting retorts you have made as I am always stunned into silence!

"you don't look sick"

Well no. I'm not sick, I have lupus. On good days, you'll see me. On bad days/weeks/months you won't because I'll be in bed and you will be unable to appraise my health from your high horse.

DS1's grandad, I'm afraid I snapped at him, when DS1 was diagnosed "Will he still be able to run around like a normal little boy?"

1. He was a normal little boy, just one with CF.

2. He was born with it, so he could still do everything he did the day before.

'There are too many disabled spaces in car parks...we should turn them into parent and child spaces instead'

Some of these comments are awful. I'm so sorry for the thoughtlessness and downright stupid people you've encountered.

I use a wheelchair for distance or if we are out for the day I sometimes use it for a walking leaning aid anyway I have had have you lost your patient, can you not make your mind up! with the person thinking they are totally hilarious

Not something said to me but something I said - 10 years later and I still feel awful.

Man in a manual wheelchair trying to get up an slope in a subway under a motorway. I approached and offered to push him up which he accepted. Chatting a bit he said he always had difficulty going up the slope and was appreciating the help, to which I replied ‘I bet it’s a lot more fun going down the other side’

Said without thinking but I really really hope he didn’t think I was trivialising his struggles.

“Good to see DD looking so well the other day”

She has severe depression. She went to the most enormous effort to go outside to help shift the suicidal thoughts from her head. The moment she came home the suicidal thoughts returned. But you can’t see that, can you?

I do know people mean well, really.

Can I just make a statement for parents.

It's different if your 3-5 year old asks me why I walk with a stick. I don't mind telling them my legs don't work properly, you don't need to be embarrassed.

'Oh my mother/cousin/auntie's sister's best friend's dog walker had that. She took some fish oil and was as right as rain. Have you tried fish oil?' Or variations thereof. I have rheumatoid arthritis. I then have to explain that it's an autoimmune disease and what that actually means.

Also, 'You're young to be using a walking stick! Why do you need a walking stick?'

I know most people mean well. It just gets exhausting explaining personal health details to people.

"so good to see you out and about in your condition"
"my sister is in a wheelchair and she even got married"
"Disabled women don't wear nice shoes"

One guy walked into me and apologised to my partner for it

I was browsing in a shop and a woman wheeled me out of the way so she could look at what I was looking at.

A shop assistant assumed the person in the queue behind me, who I had never met, was my carer and tried to give her my change

My most favourite twattery ever
“Your colleagues are pissed off because you don’t look ill.” Thanks boss.
Also, “you can’t keep using this as a get out of jail free card you know”
(Chronic kidney disease and EDS)
I am now self employed. Wankers .

Oh and also, “but why is it still sore?”
Because it was a fully dislocated hip with a torn labrum you knob end. It takes longer than a week.

I’m amazed at some of these, even before I started doing support work etc I’d never in a million years dream of making some of these comments .
@Hedgehogblues those are horrific comments , in those instances it’s not a lack of education its just inherant arseholery

@TheGonnagle did you ever ask you boss (twat by the way) if there was any proof of your colleagues saying that? I’d have been straight into the union and tribunal etc

Chatting a bit he said he always had difficulty going up the slope and was appreciating the help, to which I replied ‘I bet it’s a lot more fun going down the other side’

That's not twattish, it's funny in the context of your conversation.

"Have you ever thought of getting better so you can have a job and function in society?"

Or

"Why do you let your conditions run your life?"

When I worked an email group was set up to slag me off. Either for my "shitty attendence" or whenever I was spotted out and about "lazing around". I kept quiet for months. I had access to this group as I was IT manager and was automatically copied in to all groups, there wasn't an option to not do this for very good reason. Them all being in IT they thought they could get away with setting it up so I wouldn't find out. Shortly before I left my manager found out and made everyone apologise to me and disciplined the lot. They never knew what was wrong with me and my manager never said.

I didn't know but I found out previously they'd done it with someone else who had terminal cancer, I didn't have access then (it was something bought in towards the end of my job), but after what happened to me my manager pulled the archive and they all got fired.

Becca that's awful. I don't know why I am still so easily shocked.

-But you're too young to have arthritis!
-Arthritis isn't a disability, it's sore joints- I was so relieved to hear that one, I thought it was a serious auto-immune condition but nope it's an ouchy knee.
-You can't be disabled you don't have a wheelchair/drive motability/have a blue badge (I'm too scared to apply for BB given how people can be treated).
-You find it incredibly difficult living up a slope with steps, with steps to flat too? Just move! Yeah there is nothing easier than finding a flat while on benefits, landlords adore benefit claimants.
-Estate agent to me, when I followed up about several flats I'd emailed for info on while absolutely desperate for a home- 'Oh I didn't put you forward to landlords, you mentioned disability benefits, therefore I automatically put you in a wheelchair and discounted every flat without wide doors, a wetroom and an extra room for that live-in carer you must have'.
-You're so lucky you don't have to go work, I'd be so happy just lazing around watching tv and shopping- I loved my job, I miss it so much, my day today 'lazing' involved washing the sheets I pee'd on when I couldn't get out of bed this morning. My lazy day tomorrow will probably involve re-washing the sheets if I'm unable to get into kitchen today to remove them from machine to hang up. My amazing days of shopping involve looking at things online and not buying in case I can't get to the door when delivered.

The job one hurts the most. I loved my career, I worked my arse off to gain what I needed to do it, I moved abroad and ended in London in order to do the job I loved so no, I'm not lucky to have so many days off. I'd do anything to be a normal working contributing member of society, in my lovely home I worked so hard to get only to now be stuck miserable in the backend of beyond.

I understand that Goldilocks. DS1 can't work. He can't even make his own supper, it exhausts him. He lives with DM, if she's out she either makes sure there are ready meals in or he orders from Just Eat.

My niece has brain damage which makes her speech slow and hesitant. She generally gets people speaking back to her very slowly, simply and rather loudly. Or they speak to her via my sister or whoever she may be with.
She's thinking of getting a t shirt made which says 'I speak slowly, but I'm not stupid' she has a Masters degree in fact, and has spoken about disability at some very big political conferences.

I also have a friend who had throat cancer and couldn;t speak for many months while she was having treatment, so she carried a notebook around with her so she could write down anything she needed to say to people. Each note was headed 'I cannot talk because of throat cancer'. People inevitably wrote down the answers to her questions - even though there was nothing wrong with her hearing.

I also have a friend who is blind and she regularly gets beeped at when she is standing at a zebra crossing with her dog by people who have stopped. She goes when her guide dog tells her to, not when arseholes beep at her.

Oh yes Goldilocks as a teenager my body must have been mistaken when the Arthritis started 🙄

And yes also to the job bit. I no longer work, no one would employ me. I'm not wildly happy spending day after day watching tv to amuse myself because even a two minute walk to the shops is too much, especially if you've had the audacity to wash your stinking hair and then need a nap and your arms are rendered useless for hours after. I'm fairly sure my neighbours discuss me and my not working, they have no idea what I have.

"You look like a big baby in that pram" to my son aged about 10 in his sn buggy.

When my late mum was in the early stages of dementia ...
We were out walking and passed some neighbours I vaguely knew by sight.

We said "Good morning"
then as we moved on, Mum waved and said "Happy Easter " (it was Autumn)

One neighbour shouted "Oh, she's SENILE ! "
and they all chuckled at the great joke of an elderly human being having dementia

Fortunately (?) my mum didn't understand and just joined in the laughter,
which made them laugh even more

Nasty cunts BigChoc. 😠