Stupid/offensive things people say when you're disabled

[SeekingClosure]

I have ms and use a mobility scooter for longer distances. Yesterday I was at a tourist attraction having a nice time, when a member of staff came up to me to say 'oh it's alright for some, riding about on that all day!'. I was quite taken aback at his crassness but my female conditioning came into play and I did a cross between eyes raised in incredulity and a smile. I didn't make a complaint because his I.d. indicated he was a volunteer.

When I go to Aldi I walk around leaning on the trolley, some days with more difficulty than others. One day the assistant on the till remarked brightly 'you're hobbling less than usual today!'. Hobbling fgs.

I realise these two examples were not intentionally hurtful but really, why comment on a person's disability at all? My illness is not public property!

Share your examples of this kind of thing please. I would especially love to hear any fitting retorts you have made as I am always stunned into silence!

My neighbours complain about me doing nothing all day, and shout abuse when I'm struggling with my mental health (which means I struggle not to respond to voices) they think I'm doing it deliberately, which not surprising makes it worse!

I've osteoarthritis which I've had ten years.

Though I've been not so reliably informed that is medically impossible by everyone including the staff when I was last in hospital. I was also told that Ehlers Danlos was invented by professor Grahame and his team in London so he could "make a name for himself" when it's really meaningless and apparently anyone who "does nothing" will get loose joints like mine, I told them to ring the team and was told he confirmed I was fine and a pathological liar.

Professor Grahame retired many years ago. In fact he was technically retired when he diagnosed me over ten years ago!

Was diagnosed ten years ago, probably had it much longer!

I've got MS too.

Random strangers asking what's wrong with me when I'm out on my mobility scooter.

Random stranger asking if I can walk at all.

"You're looking well!"

Are you sure you don't have Lyme disease instead
Just had a friend send me lots of links about this and where I can privately get tested......because of course I have lots of money to burn on benefits.
Same friend giving me endless lists of supplements and vitamins to take and how to modify my diet. Some of it is helpful but it's mostly patronising. I mean I have the internet too and know how to google stuff.

"How do you manage the stairs?" (In my house.)
Erm, carefully?

Is your restaurant wheelchair accessible?
"There are 3 steps into restaurant but once up the steps the restaurant and toilets are totally accessible."

Pitying looks/no eye contact/speaking to dh instead of me when I'm using my wheelchair.
Funnily I noticed in comparison when I'm on my mobility scooter EVERYONE talks to me/says hello. Sometimes I get life stories just from going to the park or the shops. It's like they've lost the ability to self edit. Quite funny and I'm pretty sociable but a bit annoying when I'm not in the mood or in a hurry. imagine that, disabled people have places to be

I've only been "properly" disabled for about a year. Before that it was invisible.
I suppose I'm lucky that I haven't encountered and nastiness or malice directly. I've encountered ignorance but tbh I was ignorant before I became disabled.

Chatting a bit he said he always had difficulty going up the slope and was appreciating the help, to which I replied ‘I bet it’s a lot more fun going down the other side

If I was in my wheelchair I'd find that funny......and totally correct!

Talking to the person who is with me and asking what I'd like/how I am etc.

Grabbing me without asking to help me on a train/cross the road etc. If they offer fair enough but it's rarely offered.

Surprise when I say something intelligent - I'm registered blind, not a learning disability.

@HappyHippy45

It’s one of those things I look back on and cringe at. Hopefully he wasn’t offended and found it funny too.

I hate the accessibility issue which is always fine, except for the couple of steps.

In the case of the community dental service who spent ages telling me they could help someone with very severe dental phobia and were specially trained for all disabilities including the ones I have so there's no problem, they can see me locally and even arrange free transport from my door to theirs and there's a place in the town they can see me - and it's true they don't have a couple of steps, they have flights apparently if I tried hard enough I could get up them.

I was forever getting "but you're intelligent" from mental health workers, even now I get it from social workers who specialise in mental health.

Yes I am. However, it doesn't protect me from what I am going through, and no I can't just come up with a way to cope. If I could I wouldn't be bothering them!

@SmurfandTurf
I still cringe at me probably patronisingly shaking a man's hand who was in a wheelchair. (At a bar and I was chatting with regulars.) I was 18 at the time and trying to show how "right on" I was most likely.
He held my hand REALLY tightly and glared at me. His friend told him to behave.
Nearly 30 years ago and it still makes me cringe.

3 months on from my last psych inpatient stay:

“So, are you cured now then?” From the condition I’ve had for the past 25 years

Oh yes and from my Mum who is lovely and has suffered from depression herself yet 'How can you be unhappy you have 2 beautiful kids'

Depression doesn't really factor reality into it really.

oh.. one of the best was for DS who's autistic.

Upon asking if I could come in as his Carer, another parent in line piped up 'We're all our kids carers, can we get in free too?'

cunt.

I always want to ask if they'd like the disability that goes with the 'privilege' of being his carer.

You cant cure stupid Sqidgee unfortunatley ,im also a care for my child wirh autism and learning disabillities, the ignorance sometimez is astounding

I was told the other day that there is no such thing as autism it’s just a scapegoat for bad parents and my daughter (who has Autism) needed to eat more green veg apparently that would ‘sort her out’
I have also been asked more than once how I deal with the guilt of ‘causing her autism’

Just fuck off.

Mine is only a minor annoyance compared to the shit some of you have had to put up with but it's amazing how many people have rheumatoid arthritis in their little finger.

When my son was younger I was explaining to someone how ASD affects his ability to tolerate things, food, clothes, noise, eye contact etc, I was expecting a reasonable response from this person who worked in Primary Education but instead I was told that "he doesn't look Autistic because he isn't rocking or flapping" Quick as a flash the following reply tripped off my tongue before I could stop my myself, "my mistake, you don't look ignorant but you obviously are, not all children with ASD rock and flap"

Ohhhh spiteful I hear you on that. "Oh yes I have a touch of arthritis, it just aches a bit, that's all"

Hmmm. Mine has eaten my ankles...

squidgee

I was disability rep in a NHS trust when they were discussing sorting out sick leave. I spent hours trying to get them to understand that time off for medical appointments without it counting on their sick record (Which was to be done on a points system whereas if you took Monday or Friday off it was double points, more if Friday afternoon or Monday morning, if you were off after holiday you must provide a medical certificate and could only have something like seven days off over the year before being sent to occupational health for a review) was not discriminatory but necessary and would help them to get seen as a disability friendly employer - they'd scored lowest for trusts in Wales in terms of being disability friendly.

The head consultant piped up that everyone should have the same as anyone can get ill and it isn't fair for The Disabled (he always spoke like being disabled made you a separate species) to get extra time off so the amount allowed for the most ill in the department must automatically be allowed for everyone else, and, if not used should be added to annual leave, which everyone else agreed with I was

I still did the work after I was medically retired. I can only say I really missed work as I would have been better off smashing my head against a brick wall!

No I didn't succeed. Staff never got their own blue badge spaces either - apparently it wasn't fair on other staff.

I'm sorry you've all experienced this. The remarks I related in my OP look feeble compared to some of yours!

Smurf I wouldn't find that offensive at all. You were helping the man and had already entered into a conversation with him, don't worry about it any more honestly!

I never mind what children say and am happy to answer their questions. And 99% of people are lovely.

When I was first diagnosed with ms I rang my oldest friend to tell her. She replied 'is that the one that just keeps getting worse and worse until you die' - mmm yeah thanks for that. Another friend said 'oh god some of the people I care for have that, it's awful they're in a terrible state!' - she said it as if it was something that I really needed to grasp, as if doing so would give me some choice over my outcome? Awful. I don't speak to either of them now.

I think one of the things I miss most is invisibility when out and about. I'm an introvert and would rather go about unnoticed but that's impossible when you're manoeuvring around places with difficulty, or, as I did the other day, getting your wheels tangled in a rug and crashing into a display in Next. The people nearby were really lovely but of course I'd rather go about my business quietly! So when people come up uninvited and make a remark on my disability it's one more reminder that I stand out and that everyone notices me, through no fault of their own.

I've heard a lot over the years about the disabled discriminating against those who aren't. It's all those cars, parking spaces and extra benefits we get given, for free, for no reason at all.

The worst person for this I worked with and when they had a car accident they actually came and apologised to me for being, to use their words, 'a fucking twat'. He was horrified to learn just how expensive being disabled was and diffiicult to claim benefits (he was refused ESA even on appeal). He ended up losing his house as well. He'd expected to get all his treatment for free (here physio is severely limited), along with a free car, lots of benefits and his mortgage paid for. It was an extremely hard lesson for him to learn. No idea where he is now.

Dinosaurs so it's my parents' fault? I was diagnosed recently. I'm 51.

I've heard a lot over the years about the disabled discriminating against those who aren't. It's all those cars, parking spaces and extra benefits we get given, for free, for no reason at all

And the DDA is unique in UK law in that discrimination in favour of disabled people IS LEGAL.

Not about a disability - but when I was taking my daughter to hospital for chemo (she had a childhood cancer) the taxi driver 'helpfully' told us the government had a cure for cancer but they don't use it, so as to keep the population down.

Did you know that autism is curable? I didn't. Until I found out in a review meeting for ds. His "autism specific needs" (as advised by a specialist) were being ignored. When I pointed this out, one of the "professionals" retorted that the diagnosis of autism is an old one (2 years). No one else there supported the diagnosis, so that was that. Cured!! In the eyes of the review meeting.

I was paying for a baby chair in Smyths yesterday.

I use a wheelchair, my DP is able bodied.

I approached the desk and said we'd had the item put aside for us.
The cashier handed my DP the box. DP began to juggle things around so he could carry it to the car.

I sat with my card in my hand waiting to pay.

The cashier waited for DP to make eye contact and then said "that's £** please".
He did that while having seen me waiting with my card.

Did he think I was incapable of making the decision to pay the cost of the item? Or maybe I couldn't possibly be responsible for my own financial decisions and management?