Stupid/offensive things people say when you're disabled

[SeekingClosure]

I have ms and use a mobility scooter for longer distances. Yesterday I was at a tourist attraction having a nice time, when a member of staff came up to me to say 'oh it's alright for some, riding about on that all day!'. I was quite taken aback at his crassness but my female conditioning came into play and I did a cross between eyes raised in incredulity and a smile. I didn't make a complaint because his I.d. indicated he was a volunteer.

When I go to Aldi I walk around leaning on the trolley, some days with more difficulty than others. One day the assistant on the till remarked brightly 'you're hobbling less than usual today!'. Hobbling fgs.

I realise these two examples were not intentionally hurtful but really, why comment on a person's disability at all? My illness is not public property!

Share your examples of this kind of thing please. I would especially love to hear any fitting retorts you have made as I am always stunned into silence!

I've a friend with CP. Quite often when pushing him about town (and we do not hang about, woe betide any walkers that try to cut us up we move at normal walking speed) we come across situations where I, as the wheelchair pusher, am spoken to over the top of him eg 'Would he like to try ae sausage samples' at a food fair. My mate loves to pipe up 'I do have a name, it's Steve, and yes I can speak, and would like to try them'

flobalob I hate that too "We're all a bit autistic" or people saying that Aspergers is just being a bit odd, you wouldn't think that if you knew my sister!

OMFG yes. Or "autistic? Nah, he's just quirky!" Punched me in the tit yesterday because he came for a cuddle and I was wearing a different perfume to my usual (birthday gift from DM), last week he ran off at the shops because there was a fire alarm, and this afternoon I got a phone call from school to say was it okay to bill my account for a dinner because he couldn't eat his sandwiches, DH had cut them into triangles instead of squares.

Yeah. He's fucking quirky alright.

And the ones who say things like "send him to me for a week, I'll straighten him out".

Sweetheart, you wouldn't last a day

… when an acquaintance noticed I wore hearing aids (usually hidden by my hair), she commented, "but you don't look deaf" … I've still never figured out what I am supposed to look like.

I have a condition that means there's pressure on the nerves in my spine.

This can make my legs and arms unreliable. Before this I already had slipped discs and sciatica. Other people with slipped discs and sciatica but not in the same way or with my added complications are often saying things like:

You should get the op - they won't touch the discs because long story short there's more likelihood that op could make things MUCH worse. They don't fuck about with nerves, especially the ones that tell your legs to walk!

You should go to my physio she'll soon sort you

Have you tried a chiropractor? Most chiropractors won't even touch me!

And again for...osteopathy, acupuncture, acupressure...

"You don't look disabled" yea well you don't look stupid seems we're both wrong!

Also been challenged verbally attacked for using lifts, disabled loos, priority seating on public transport...

I'm slowly mobile on flat (very flat) surfaces but steps, even a slight slope if there's no bannister, can lead to my legs buckling under me.

On the multiple mental illness issues:

OCD - 'oh I'm a bit OCD' proceeds to tell me how they alphabetise their cookbooks or some such crap - FUCK. OFF!

Depression -

we all get a bit down though eh
Bet you get good happy pills - yes cos I need them to feel remotely normal!
But you smiled once 6 months ago you can't be depressed 😡

Anxiety -

It's just a case of mind over matter
Have you tried breathing exercises/cutting out caffeine/going gluten free... Erm yea I've tried most things to no avail
You just need to calm down and not worry - yea righto if it were that easy I'd already be doing it!

Dd has a disability too. Hard to say what as there are certain posters will jump on AS and say "oh but on that post you said it was X" it's still being investigated/assessed, initially diagnosed as one thing now looking like either it's another or she's got more than one thing going on. You guys will get it, people who haven't been through the rigmarole of just getting a gp to take you seriously enough to get a referral to a specialist, then specialists tend to diagnose things that fall under their remit and don't consider other possibilities etc

So... She has a disability at least one that we know of. It's largely invisible unless a mishap that others could shrug off occurred and she's on crutches or arm in sling. - to the op who said she's also had the "what happened?" To which she answered "basically...genetics". As well as joint and bone issues, growth issues (kinda opposite to restricted growth it's accelerated her growth, she's far taller with longer legs and arms and feet than is within an understandable range based on her dad and i's measurements plus the generational adjustments, another oddity is longer teeth which looks slightly odd), she has digestive, respiratory, reproductive and circulatory system issues, her mucous membranes are very fragile, her skin is delicate, nails soft, she's more vulnerable to certain germs that are EVERYWHERE eg strep, I could go on and on - I'm still learning myself plus as I said it's looking like even the specialists aren't completely sure what's going on.

She looks "normal" albeit is the tallest of her friends (inc the boys) so yea, people don't get it.

She's in pain every day, not least continuing growing pains, has to be careful with various everyday activities (brushing teeth, eating, dressing, applying make up) because it doesn't take much to sprain/dislocate joints, tear membranes etc.

At school she used to get daily really nasty comments basically accusing her of faking it (how you fake a dislocation or torn membrane or joint swelling I'd LOVE to know), inc from teachers.

Also

You don't look disabled
Oh come on just try a bit harder (when walking on sprained joints)
It can't hurt that much
Oh I'm sure it'll soon heal

Have you tried...physio, osteopathy, chiro, etc etc etc

Have you tried cutting out X y z from diet (she's very slim - we - the Drs and I - think this may be related. The LAST thing she needs is cutting out food groups! She barely maintains a healthy weight as it is!)

You can't be disabled you're only a kid - what?! Kids can't be disabled? Oh come on!

I have a friend with cerebral palsy, she's well educated and very ballsy, the amount of people who talk to her like she's 2 is ridiculous! She has far better comebacks than me and I actually can't think of one right now but it's fun to witness! She has 2 masters and a PhD and takes no prisoners!

She did tell me a story of how she turned up to somewhere to give a work related presentation and someone basically tried to tell her she must be in the wrong place purely because they assumed as she was disabled physically and in a wheelchair she couldn't POSSIBLY be qualified enough to work for X company and certainly not in that location (she works in tech/it type role), when the person who'd arranged the presentation spotted her. The person trying to tell her "you don't belong here" was given short shrift and told in no uncertain terms that intellectually she could run rings round him! The irony? The project was regarding tech/IT being designed to make life easier for another disability - sight loss.

She does occasionally give wee kids a ride in her very good wheelchair if they ask nicely though - it's one that can elevate I think it uses hydraulics or something? eg if she needs to reach high shelves in supermarkets and they sometimes ask if they can "ride in your rocket please Mrs"

CMOT - yes unfortunately still a lot of ignorance around non functioning parts and amputation as if it's a cure all - er no! It's a last resort and it's a last resort for a reason! Amputation itself can cause many other issues no matter how good artificial legs etc are they don't actually replace the limb within a functional body with a circulatory and lymphatic system etc to consider. I'm an ex nurse and remember some patients with certain conditions where if they didn't take care of themselves it could lead to amputation (diabetics not monitoring blood sugars properly or eating a poor diet, addicts (including smokers) still indulging despite warnings of the damage they were doing still indulging), seemed to think losing a leg was no big deal 'I'll just get a bionic one'.

Snipsnip - on another thread recently a poster blatantly said they didn't believe that the disabled (this was mainly in reference to the mentally ill but not solely) are discriminated against, certainly not as much as is claimed. Myself and I think another poster put them straight.

Senmum - that's absolutely shocking! He should've been done for assault!

'So I bought a 4 seater convertible' 😂😂 love it!

"Don't look deaf" wtf?!

Scary how ignorant people can be.

💯

I'd just like to say big fuck off to anyone who says "differently abled" We're not "the disabled" either, which is patronising AF.

The correct terms are "disabled people" and "people with disabilities".

What's wrong with you?

Well I can be a right bitch sometimes.

I was diagnosed with arthritis at 26, I wish I had £1 for every person who told me I was, 'too young'.

I get you on that one @sashh. I found it so annoying to be told at 23 I was "way too young" for my disability.

Yep completley agree with the differently abled bullshit or autism isnt a disabillity its just a different ability (yes im well aware some people dont view their aitism as a disabillity ) but my son is non verbal in a special school etc so please dont tell me its just a different ability

their autism*

"God only gives special children to special parents because He knows they'll love them best". Little gem from my MIL for you.

"Are you using your gran's blue badge" when I'm not using my chair (man doesn't have one, actually... but I do) and "oh to be able to sit down all day" when I do use it.

"Have you got a licence for that thing?" When using chair

"Hallelujah a miracle" when I stand and/or walk when using chair

I could go on all day

I have heard simolar Ewits, or i dont know how you do it i couldnt do it , well you do it because they are your child and you love them it isnt really a choice .

Have you tried apple cider vinegar? Because obviously my rheumatologist would prefer to prescribe expensive drugs over something you can buy cheaply at Tesco.

When waiting for a bus, and someone had a buggy in the wheelchair space: but it's not like you're in a hurry, is it? Because wheelchair users don't work, have appointments, etc, of course.

OMG, you can speak! Well yeah, funny how the wheelchair doesn't prevent that.

Or just getting punched for being out in my wheelchair and minding my own business. And all these naice people walking past refusing to help in the aftermath as, clearly in shock, I was stuck in a loop of saying 'that man punched me' - not one offered to find police or even ask if I was OK.

I have only spent the last few years in a wheelchair, and I'm still gobsmacked at some of the things I encounter.

When I asked for the disabled child trolley in Sainsbury's. In a very sharp voice: "Who's disabled?"

I used to look after my friend's DD a lot. She (the DD) had a big growth on her face. We had lots of comments but among the more memorable are:

"Oh dear, and you people [meaning blacks] don't like the disabled do you?"

"That's one reason why I don't want children. What happens if they come out like that, you can't send them back"

"Have you considered a burka for her?"

Are you going to run a marathon with your new leg?
Not every amputee can run plus it costs 5k plus for a blade how the fuck do they think I'll afford that.

Or the you're such an inspiration
Just because you don't see me crying don't think I'm always smiling. My depression has taken a nose dive over the last few months.

Why do you use a disabled bay you don't use any walking aids.
I need to open my door fully to manover my prosthetic leg out I also can't walk massive distances I am having issues with my other side. I'm also sometimes in a wheel chair.

Old people love to check my blue badge how fucking dare they as they normally have 2 bloody working legs and walk faster / better than me. They also push past me in the shops I'm unstable as my centre of gravity is different.

Windmill one of my best friends has had a false leg since she was 26, she's now 42.
She used to have a blue badge but it got taken off her when she said the pain is 'intermittent' rather than all the time!

She does get a lot of phantom pain & nerve pain.
People don't comment as it's not immediately obvious she has a false leg as she wears jeans or trousers or maxi dresses.
She would love a boyfriend but is very nervous about trying OLD because of the false leg. I keep trying to encourage her but I find online dating difficult myself!
She went through the Menopause at 38 due to the chemo she'd had which hasn't been easy either.

Her employer is very good when she has to stay off work due to the pain actually & no one at work makes silly comments,

But when she first had the amputation she had to use a wheelchair and then a crutch and we got so many people asking what was wrong when we were out which is very rude.

Also when she had the blue badge older people could be quite unpleasant as her disability wasn't visible.

She has an NHS leg and has found the Prosthetics department quite hard to deal with as well.

Sirzy I've had friends and strangers tell DS2 that he's too big to sit in a trolley. If I didn't have him in a trolley he'd either run off or roll on the floor.

ALong DS1 was born disabled. What's too young to be disabled?

My child gets a bumper crop.

‘What’s wrong with (insert obvious body parts here)’. Obviously this would be a relevant question if you were talking with a prospective employer and they were genuinely trying to see if any necessary changes could be accomodated in the workplace but a random in the checkout queue not so much.

‘Did you have an accident/How did you manage this’ - uhhm birth lottery and why would it be some random think it’s their business.

Talking slowly and loudly as anyone with a physical disability must also be intellectually disabled and or deaf .

Telling a story about some acquaintances or relative twice removed ‘who was like you’ and was somehow cured (ranging from the miracle of modern medicine to sitting in some holy mud spring with monks chanting over them). Yeah, not only a load of bollocks but invariably the person will gave something completely unrelated so the relevance is ?

Too many to list really.

• have something

My fave is when I’m saying ds can can’t do X, “oh my wee Jimmy would be devistated if he couldnt do X, all his friends do it and they have so much fun and spend so much time doing it”
I fucking know! Ds fucking knows, it’s fucking crushing and all the alternatives and special things in the world doesn’t make up for him not being able to be a “normal” 8 year old.