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Original poster

Absolutely raging - need to vent!!

535 replies

Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:41

14 year DD went away bank holiday weekend to the seaside with her dad, his gf and her 10 month old baby brother, she's seemed a little upset and withdrawn since coming back and tonight she finally told me why.
Two reasons - firstly for 2 nights out of the 3 DD was made to babysit her brother so her dad and gf could go out for dinner and drinks, apparently they were only at a bar a couple of minutes walk away so told DD to call if baby woke up and left her with a KFC for dinner both nights - ok some might say at 14 DD is old enough to babysit but they were all supposed to be on a holiday together.
Second reason I'm so raging I've sank a bottle of red in 20 minutes trying to keep calm. They all shared a room, DD was on a sofa bed, she heard/saw her dad and his gf having sex TWICE!!! First time she said she was facing the wall drifting off to sleep and heard them having sex, second time she was facing out into the room half woke up with a cramp in her leg wanted to turn over but saw they were having sex and shut her eyes and didn't dare move as she didn't want them to know she saw anything.... I'm fuming!!! DD said they came back from both nights out extremely drunk so don't know if they were both so pissed they weren't with it but what the actual fuck!!

DD has made me promise not to say anything to her dad as she doesn't want them to know that she saw/heard anything cos she's so embarrassed, upset and she spends every second weekend with them so doesn't want any awkwardness, obviously i wanna rip his head off but want to respect my DDs wishes. DH thinks I need to say something regardless of DD asking not to as he thinks it's too serious to just leave.

OP posts:
CarrieBlu · 02/09/2018 21:43

Surely this is a safeguarding issue? I would have to say something.

sillysausage16 · 02/09/2018 21:45

I have no words. How irresponsible of them

bigchris · 02/09/2018 21:47

Oh my goodness Sad

(Have you really drunk a bottle of red in 20 minutes )

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 02/09/2018 21:47

That’s really grim. Your poor DD. How inappropriate and irresponsible, they obviously just wanted a free babysitter.

MooBaaWoof · 02/09/2018 21:47

I would be absolutely appalled by this.
He had sex knowing his daughter and his baby son were in the room, previous poster who suggested this is a safeguarding issue is right. You definitely need to be having strong words here. Explain to your daughter that although you understand why she doesn't want you to say anything it is too serious for you not to.

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:48

DH says the same. I’m just so bloody shocked, upset and disgusted. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, he’s been a good dad to DD, we’ve never had any issues managed to co-parent fine, don’t know the gf too well but she seems pleasant enough and DD has always liked her. Maybe they were just so drunk they were out of it, I don’t want to look for excuses cos it’s bloody disgusting but I have no idea what the bloody hell they thought they were doing!!!!

OP posts:
Lookatyourwatchnow · 02/09/2018 21:49

That is absolutely outrageous.

ellaV · 02/09/2018 21:50

Poor poor girl!! How bloody hideous!!!

I've started typing out several suggestions, but just can't finish a single one because I honestly don't know what I'd do (besides drink the red in 20 - fair call).

Christ! Arseholes!!

TokyoSushi · 02/09/2018 21:50

Oh your poor DD, that's absolutely awful Sad

CrazyDogLady87 · 02/09/2018 21:51

i can understand why you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as the first poster says this is a safe guarding issue, what the hell were they thinking! grot bags!

Returnofthesmileybar · 02/09/2018 21:51

I think you need to say it, I know she doesn't want you to and I would explain it to her first (before I grabbed my keys and drove over and ripped his fucking head off). Dirty horrible fuckers

GreenMeerkat · 02/09/2018 21:52

Ewww. Gross.

Explain to your DD how serious the issue is and why you need to say something, even though you understand why she doesn't want you to.

You definitely have to raise it with them. It's disgusting. Your poor DD.

BifsWif · 02/09/2018 21:53

It is a safeguarding issue, I think there’s something actually called non contact sexual abuse although I’m happy to be corrected.

I’d be furious too, you need to raise this with him. I hope your DD is ok.

agedknees · 02/09/2018 21:53

I would kill him, honestly. Wait until tomorrow when you have sobered up and go for the jugular. What they did is beyond disgusting.

MooBaaWoof · 02/09/2018 21:53

"Maybe they were just so drunk they were out of it"

Then what was their plan if either your daughter or their son was ill? If there was a fire in the night? They were responsible for them both so this alone would piss me off. But the sex, Jesus bloody Christ...I would be fuming.

Smellybean · 02/09/2018 21:54

Wow Shock
you need to say something.

pallisers · 02/09/2018 21:54

that is really bad.

I've had 14 year old babysitters - for my 7 and 8 and 10 year olds. not for a 10 month old baby. That is way too much responsibility for a 14 year old imo.

And the sex thing ... so so grim. I have no idea what i'd do. would be tempted to say it to them but wouldn't want to break her trust. They are horrible though to do this (wonder if they were very drunk - again a horrible thought as they were in charge of a baby) I certainly wouldn't want her to ever go away with them again.

haverhill · 02/09/2018 21:55

You have to say something in very strong terms to your ex. This is wholly unacceptable and potentially damaging to your DD. I’d also be incandescent with rage.

Stripyhoglets1 · 02/09/2018 21:56

Exposure to innapropriate sexual behaviour is emotional child abuse. I'd never let her go anywhere with them where they are sharing a room again - even if they were so drunk they didn't know - that's just as bad.

Stripyhoglets1 · 02/09/2018 21:57

I'd tell them tbh. They need to know how much they've just damaged their relationship with her.

pallisers · 02/09/2018 21:57

god, just re-read OP and saw that they were extremely drunk both nights. That is awful. I think you have to say something. They left a 14 year old as the only person able to deal with a 10 month old and had sex in front of her. I suspect your dd is even more upset that she is saying - it will take a while for it to sink into her that her dad treated her like a babysitter (is this why they brought her along) and got maggotty drunk in front of her and had sex in front of her. the last 2 things in particular are really traumatising.

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:57

bigchris - No DH said the bottle was half full when he bought me a glass in, thought he opened a new one. Not actually paying attention though as so upset.

DD is upstairs in her room now but has been in tears all evening. She’s idolises her dad!!!!! Ex did say when he dropped her back “oh I don’t think she feels too good because she’s not been right all holiday”.... wonder why arsehole!
12 years have gone by with not any big issues to be faced with this!

OP posts:
IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat · 02/09/2018 21:57

Woah. That is actually a form of sexual abuse and you can’t not say anything to your ex. As others have said, this is a safeguarding issue. I understand Dd is embarrassed but you have to act.

Fucking hell. How traumatising for her.

sophiec123 · 02/09/2018 21:58

Sounds like they wanted a babysitter! Poor girl! Whether she's responsible for her age or what not I still believe that to be too young to be in charge of a baby! I would send a text, let your daughter read it but she does need to know that that is not acceptable and something needs to be said

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/09/2018 21:58

Oh my god. That’s horrifying. You really do need to say something to him. Yes she’s find it awkward be she’s not the one who should be embarrassed, he should!

Other horrifying issues aside, why the hell is a 14 year old being made to share a room for 3 nights with her dad and his gf?

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