Absolutely raging - need to vent!!

[Cleanerrates]

14 year DD went away bank holiday weekend to the seaside with her dad, his gf and her 10 month old baby brother, she's seemed a little upset and withdrawn since coming back and tonight she finally told me why.
Two reasons - firstly for 2 nights out of the 3 DD was made to babysit her brother so her dad and gf could go out for dinner and drinks, apparently they were only at a bar a couple of minutes walk away so told DD to call if baby woke up and left her with a KFC for dinner both nights - ok some might say at 14 DD is old enough to babysit but they were all supposed to be on a holiday together.
Second reason I'm so raging I've sank a bottle of red in 20 minutes trying to keep calm. They all shared a room, DD was on a sofa bed, she heard/saw her dad and his gf having sex TWICE!!! First time she said she was facing the wall drifting off to sleep and heard them having sex, second time she was facing out into the room half woke up with a cramp in her leg wanted to turn over but saw they were having sex and shut her eyes and didn't dare move as she didn't want them to know she saw anything.... I'm fuming!!! DD said they came back from both nights out extremely drunk so don't know if they were both so pissed they weren't with it but what the actual fuck!!

DD has made me promise not to say anything to her dad as she doesn't want them to know that she saw/heard anything cos she's so embarrassed, upset and she spends every second weekend with them so doesn't want any awkwardness, obviously i wanna rip his head off but want to respect my DDs wishes. DH thinks I need to say something regardless of DD asking not to as he thinks it's too serious to just leave.

I can't believe the cheap w*e girlfriend had the cheek to come round and become aggressive towards you. Well done OP you've done right by your daughter. The girlfriend and your exh should be hanging their heads in shame.

One very good thing about MN is highlighting issues like this, ultimately some very good advice for a very difficult situation and brings awareness of all sorts of problems and options for resolution - all while remaining anonymous. For this is the case OP. None of the many people know who the people involved are. Only those who can recognise themselves.

Many are now warned about this type of situation, what to look for and how to handle. OP, you have handled so very well. You’re a credit to motherhood, always putting the best interests of your DD first in a truly difficult situation.

Good luck OP your poor DD must be going through so much emotional stress right now.

You did the right thing, far too many parents and people brush what chidlren/teenagers say under the carpet because they are children until it is too late.

Hope it all works out for the better and the father learns to have better judgment with regards to who and what he brings around his children.

I think you are a great mum op. As for the girlfriend - wise up! - you have outed yourself by showing up outside ops home and treating the neighbours to another display of your selfishness!

the 14 year old CHILD in question is who is important here - stop calling her a liar - your behaviour with her dad traumatised her - I believe her.

Seek help.

Jesus that’s grim. As a teacher if we heard this aboutba pupil it would be a huge safeguarding issue.

the dad deserves to get as much flack tbh, rather than it all being piled onto the girlfriend. I know hes her dad, and its desirable that they do manage to keep some sort of relationship, but its a damaging message if they are able to project it all onto the girlfriend as some sort of whore. They both acted abusively.

There is a silver lining to it - SS and the police interviewd your ex - he must realise now how serious it is. All thanks to his GF worried about her anonimity, eh?

The ex and the girlfriend are equally to blame here and it's irrelevant if actual sexual intercourse took place or any level below that.
The only thing that matters is that a young teenager was in the same room as her dad and his gf and some level of 'love making' occurred.
The ex and the gf can rant and rave all they like but what they did was totally inappropriate.
I'm not entirely sure how this could ever be properly resolved.
Your DD still wants to see her dad but not the gf but they were BOTH in the wrong but I do understand the gf coming and shouting her mouth off is part of that.
I really hope your DD is ok. She's got a great mum supporting her

Totally agree branleuse. He's the bigger creep. Who gets turned on enough to have sex with your own daughter just feet away!?
GF I could be convinced was just stupid, rather that abusive. I'm guessing she has no kids, and would have been taking her lead in what's ok from the dad.

Who gets turned on enough to have sex with your own daughter just feet away!?

Shudders.😱

But the girlfriend isn't just stupid, she does have a kid, and she clearly took the lead when she went round to thr ops shouting the odds and calling the police.

I wonder if they will stay together. This has to be a relationship ender. Not just the shame of what they did to this child, but the girlfriend then trying to get her mother arrested, bringing police and ss into it, has to be the killer stroke.

A friend of mine uses the phrase "dirty family" and this is dirty family all day long. I think everyone knows what that means,