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Original poster

Absolutely raging - need to vent!!

535 replies

Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:41

14 year DD went away bank holiday weekend to the seaside with her dad, his gf and her 10 month old baby brother, she's seemed a little upset and withdrawn since coming back and tonight she finally told me why.
Two reasons - firstly for 2 nights out of the 3 DD was made to babysit her brother so her dad and gf could go out for dinner and drinks, apparently they were only at a bar a couple of minutes walk away so told DD to call if baby woke up and left her with a KFC for dinner both nights - ok some might say at 14 DD is old enough to babysit but they were all supposed to be on a holiday together.
Second reason I'm so raging I've sank a bottle of red in 20 minutes trying to keep calm. They all shared a room, DD was on a sofa bed, she heard/saw her dad and his gf having sex TWICE!!! First time she said she was facing the wall drifting off to sleep and heard them having sex, second time she was facing out into the room half woke up with a cramp in her leg wanted to turn over but saw they were having sex and shut her eyes and didn't dare move as she didn't want them to know she saw anything.... I'm fuming!!! DD said they came back from both nights out extremely drunk so don't know if they were both so pissed they weren't with it but what the actual fuck!!

DD has made me promise not to say anything to her dad as she doesn't want them to know that she saw/heard anything cos she's so embarrassed, upset and she spends every second weekend with them so doesn't want any awkwardness, obviously i wanna rip his head off but want to respect my DDs wishes. DH thinks I need to say something regardless of DD asking not to as he thinks it's too serious to just leave.

OP posts:
Stormzyandme · 06/09/2018 21:37

Tell her not to come to your house ever again for a start.

SymphonyofShadows · 06/09/2018 21:39

She's a massive twat, a cheap one at that. If they had provided your DD with her own private space then all this could have been avoided, but it was just free babysitting wasn't it?

Dollymixture22 · 06/09/2018 21:40

We don’t know who you are. But have local people figured this out?

The main priority is your daughter. If you think her class mates could get wind of it hen shut the thread down. It doesn’t really matter about the gf.

ashtrayheart · 06/09/2018 21:40

You haven't named anyone, if she recognises her own shitty behaviour than that's her lookout.
All you did was support your daughter and seek advice on an anonymous forum.

This must be horrible. Thanks

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 21:46

Dollymixture - that’s a good point! I would like to think not although a few of neighbours probably heard her shouting.

OP posts:
GiraffeObsessedBaby · 06/09/2018 21:48

Oh god OP I've just rtft and was of the camp of yes it was shitty but you've all parented brilliantly so far so use your instincts. But her actions are outrageous and has obviously made everything worse and possibly caused irreversible damage to your dds relationship with her dad.

I really hope it all calms down soon Sad

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 06/09/2018 21:52

Oh Lordie!

Look, this is an unfortunate development, but you just need to keep on putting your dd's welfare at the forefront of it all. That has been your prime motivation all along.

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2018 22:00

Well I didn't expect that to be honest.

If this is real, and actually I'm struggling to believe anyone would behave as deranged as the girlfriend now has, then there could be some mental health issues there. I'd also strongly suspect even more they did have sex, were drunk, and did dump the baby sitting on your daughter. It's exactly as she said.

I hope your daughter and you are ok. 💐

Wellmeaning · 06/09/2018 22:03

Your poor daughter cleaner feeling used and abused, confides in her (lovely) mum. A couple of days later the girlfriend comes round to her house banging on the door and shouting. Dreadful, foul. woman.

Obviously your DD’s rather is pretty repellent too but at least he stopped short of all of the physical harrasment.

If I’d been in your position I would have sought advise too, though.
There’s hardly a childcare manual on What To Do If Your Teenager Witnesses Her Father And His Girlfriend Having Sex.

Wellmeaning · 06/09/2018 22:04

Advice

Quantumblue · 06/09/2018 22:04

Wow. Keep putting your dd first. Hope she can feel her boundaries respected by her father from now on.

ShesABelter · 06/09/2018 22:07

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if they did or didn't have sex as far as your daughter is concerned. What matters is that whatever they did do was enough to make her feel uncomfortable and believe that is what was happening. They over stepped the mark and shouldn't of been having any cuddling or kissing whilst his teen was in the room, it is disgusting.

I hope your daughter is okay.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/09/2018 22:20

Something tells me the GF won't be becoming the next MrsCleaner ... well, not unless exH has completely lost his senses Hmm

As ever, thank goodness your DD has you

LexieLulu · 06/09/2018 22:20

I just want to write this in the hope GF does read it...

WTF leaving a 14 YO with a baby so you could have a date night (or two) when you have taken said 14 YO on HOLIDAY. Lovely treat for her eh?

The sex/none sex/dry humping under the covers is another matter

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 22:21

I’m think I’m gonna leave it here considering the development. Thank you again to all that gave advice, it was appreciated more than you’ll realise.

OP posts:
meercat23 · 06/09/2018 22:23

So sorry that you and your daughter have had to go through this. Whatever they did it did not do in that room. The GF's actions since show that she has no care for anyone except herself and had no idea what your DD Felt in that situation.

LexieLulu · 06/09/2018 22:28

Be sure to change your username OP, hope all ends well Thanks

Fourscoreandtwitter · 06/09/2018 22:42

GF behaviour makes her sound guilty and a bit unhinged. I really hope your dd wasn’t home when she came round making a scene. If your dd was home then GF has very clearly demonstrated that she has no regard for your dd’s well being and feelings whatsoever.

I hope your dd feels happier soon - you are doing a great job supporting her.

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2018 22:46

Fair play op. Batten down the hatches, look after your daughter.

Auntpetunia2015 · 06/09/2018 22:51

Good luck to all of you.

Ginkypig · 06/09/2018 22:52

I'm really sorry that the anonymous (that bold is for you gf!) support for you but actually more for your dd has been taken away from you.

It's good that outside agencies are involved as that means everyone that's not aimed at you will be forced to behave like responsible adults.

Branleuse · 06/09/2018 23:02

I dont see why you cant, but be careful it doesnt put you at risk. Im sorry it has all kicked off. It sounds massively stressful

Sounds like the gf is massively panicking too. They may well have been drunk and regretting it now, but some things cant be undone or unseen. They really fucking messed up and might not be fixable

BewareOfDragons · 06/09/2018 23:03

Wow. GF has lost the plot, making it all about her when it's supposed to be about a traumatised 14 year old girl who had every reason to feel anxious and traumatised. Her father and his GF behaved inappropriately with her in the room! (And appeared to take her on holiday so she could watch the baby, even though she 'agreed'.)

This is the 14 year old daughter of the man GF supposedly loves! Has had another child with! And rather than focus on making sure the 14 year old is all right and is getting the support she needs to move forward with her relationship with her father, etc, goes off the deep end because her mother sought advice for the situation. Anonymously.

If it's no longer anonymous, that's on GF.

I don't blame the 14 year old for not wanting any more to do with her. If her father wants his daughter to stay in his life, he probably needs to think long and hard about his next step here. GF is prioritising herself over his 14 year old child when SHE and HE were in the wrong, not the 14 year old ... he needs to do better by 14 year old.

Santaclarita · 06/09/2018 23:10

Hey if the gf is watching this thread I stand by what I said:

Anyone who thinks having sex in the same room as their teenage child is a good idea, whether they are asleep or not, needs their head checking.

Get yourself to a psychiatrist love. You need one.

Passingwords · 07/09/2018 00:30

OP you poor things. Having all the authorities involved should lead to the best conclusion. Your DD can talk it,through with a pro who can guide her and you through it. The authorities will take your ex's and gfS anger away from you, (protecting you and DD ) but importantly, hopefully helping them to turn their necks around to see the whole thing & see not about them now, even though they caused it, it's about your DD, how she feels and how to help her through it, and if they want a relationship with her again they need to listen up and take the advice. You've handled this brilliantly OP and the escalation by GF is by default a good position as it's all out in the open for the parties concerned to focus on it

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