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Original poster

Paying for Nephews University

222 replies

PetitFilous123 · 22/08/2017 23:00

Have NC so I don't out myself 😳

My brother has always been really good to me, looked after me after our parents died when we were young.

As things have worked out I have a good job and have saved quite well and generally just had a bit of good luck where finances are concerned. He and his wife struggle a bit financially and had been worried about how they would pay for their son to go to uni this year.

I spoke with my DB and suggested maybe I could pay his fees for the next four years and help out with accommodation costs etc. All fine. Didn't have the conversation with SIL because I wouldn't have wanted her to be offended or anything like that.

SIL has now just text to ask if I can give her the money she needs for a new car.

I could do this, and I probably will, I just sort of feel a little bit meh that she has asked me this. I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft though. I don't mind to help out, and I don't want to be rude, just sort of feel a bit out of sorts about it and can't tell if I'm being a bit unreasonable.

In my situation, wwyd? I'm not struggling for money, but equally I don't have a massive amount stashed away.

OP posts:

horsesforcorses · 24/08/2017 23:25

Madness. You're crazy to pay the fees upfront. Unless you have 200k+ in the bank and no mortgage. Maybe you do.

Original poster

PetitFilous123 · 24/08/2017 23:27

sub For all it matters, since you're pretty determined to view the thing in bad faith, his fees aren't actually that much.

Again...why do you assume he will have any idea how his parents afford a new car or to holiday or to do home improvements. Yes, he's a bright boy, a very bright boy as it happens, but my brother doesn't generally discuss his financial situation with his 18 year old son and I'm sure his interest in it is limited.

The money has been given to his father, I think you're introducing a lie where there isn't one. It can't be that unusual for parents to help their kids out with university.

OP posts:

Rhubarbginisnotasin · 25/08/2017 04:58

It can't be that unusual for parents to help their kids out with university

Its not unusual at all. Not that some want to believe it.

Yes, you've made it clear you don't think you need to tell him who's paying for his tuition fees, but I'm wondering, why lie? You said upthread that you know him well enough that you're certain he'd be delighted with your gift, so why not tell him? I just don't get it.

Its ok for you not to get it so just relax and accept the fact that Its happening and you don't get it.

Madness. You're crazy to pay the fees upfront. Unless you have 200k+ in the bank and no mortgage. Maybe you do

Its not madness. Its common sense in the world of a lot of people.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Higher education

horsesforcorses · 25/08/2017 07:19

It's really not... there's no way he'd rather you paid his fees than have him a house deposit. How many kids do you know struggling to scrape together a deposit? Now how many do you know worrying about their student loan?

Original poster

PetitFilous123 · 25/08/2017 08:33

He'll be in a good job, so actually saving a deposit won't necessarily be a massive issue for him, and if he doesn't have student debt he'll be able to borrow more anyway. His parents will also be able to start saving some money for him, but then again people keep telling me he's an adult and should be independent and manage his own finances so probably I can't win anyway 😁

Thank you for your voice of reason rhubarb 😁

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 25/08/2017 08:41

For all it matters, since you're pretty determined to view the thing in bad faith, his fees aren't actually that much.

The current level of tuition fees is £9250 and dentistry is a five-year course, which comes to £46,250. How is it less than that?

zzzzz · 25/08/2017 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBuckets · 25/08/2017 08:56

You're a great aunt as I said upthread! But I agree with others that I'd not want to lie to my nephew. And I suppose - just my opinion here! - that I've always found it easier to pay off a debt than save up the same amount! But that's just me, and as a new graduate I went into postgrad study so wasn't earning anything near a graduate salary until I was well over 30. Unlike the likely future for your DN.

I always knew roughly about my parents' finances as a teenager - I think it gave me a good sense about care with finances and financial wisdom and experience. I'd just be a bit worried that your DN isn't careful of his finances and doesn't make the most out of his opportunities. Sometimes when things are given to you on a plate, you might fritter away opportunities.

It's tricky, as obviously you don't want him to feel beholden. But I don't see why you can't be open about your gift. You're obviously a lovely aunt and sister and if I were your nephew, I'd want to honour that. I'd want to know, so I could ensure that your help is acknowledged properly. Not in a forelock tugging kind of deference, but just a happy loving thank you to a lovely aunt.

JadeT2 · 25/08/2017 09:10

Welsh and Scottish students don't pay fees that high for those confused.

I also agree that paying fees is pointless. Also even if he does go straight in on a fairly high salary saving for a deposit would still take time and require to him to possibly waste money on rent, so a deposit would be far more useful.

Original poster

PetitFilous123 · 25/08/2017 09:37

It's a good point that paying off debt is possibly easier than saving, it's just that it was affect his borrowing and the interest rate is quite high and will accumulate from the minute he takes a loan.

The whole thing is very tricky, but we have had some good advice and whilst it's a calculated risk to pay upfront it does seem to make the most sense.

He's careful with his money and not the kind to take advantage of his parents or his opportunities, so I feel confident that he'll manage his budgets in a responsible manner.

If my H and I can help him out if he decides to buy later then we certainly will.

OP posts:

babybigapple · 25/08/2017 13:04

People are missing the point though that although the best 'investment' financially, how many 22 year olds would want the potential burden of being homeowner if OP gave him a house deposit when he graduates instead? Some people want the flexibility of renting/housesharing for a few years to be able to spend their new earnings on holidays rather than a new boiler and that's fine too.

Original poster

PetitFilous123 · 25/08/2017 13:06

I think probably it will take a while for him to know where he wants to settle, so house deposit is a ways off I suppose

OP posts:

babybigapple · 25/08/2017 13:06

Admittedly it was pre-2012 levels but my parents paid my fees and I've only just managed to buy a house but I wouldn't give back the good few years I had enjoying life with money I'd otherwise been paying off student loan with.

JadeT2 · 25/08/2017 13:10

baby my student loan payment is about £60 a month, I can't see that having a huge impact an your enjoyment of life!

babybigapple · 25/08/2017 15:13

I don't know Jade - £720 a year would get a nice holiday or a couple of weekends away plus more if you're on a higher salary.

JadeT2 · 25/08/2017 15:16

Yes but to be paying the higher repayments you would be on a large enough salary anyway that the deductions are unlikely to have too big an impact on you. Your post implied that you may got more enjoyment out of life than most people because you didn't have those repayments.

Merryhobnobs · 25/08/2017 15:56

I cannot believe how opinionated and rude people are being. I started university a couple of months before university. My Dad insisted he would cover costs and give me £x a month for food etc. It wasn't enough but it meant that although I had to have a part time job I didn't have to stress and work ridiculous hours. On my 18th birthday he gave me some paperwork to sign which turned out to be some sort of policy that meant there was some money when I turned 18. I didn't receive it directly but my Dad used it towards my university costs. Fast forward to now and my husband and I are some of the few people we know who are not saddled with a mountain of student debt (he paid his off when he inherited a small amount of money). It made getting our mortgage a lot easier and I know friends say they wish they had the foresight to not get into so much debt. Even if it is only a % a month it is still debt and another outgoing which can be hard when you have mortgages, kids, cars, bills etc. I know full well that my Uncles if they had extra money would have done a similar thing for us OP and it is a wonderful gift and will hopefully act as a further incentive to do well on his university course. I think adjusting to budgeting and adult life will happen just fine for your nephew - unless you are planning to give him an extra £1000 a month for fun!

Also asking for a car was cheeky. Glad it was sorted out with no bad feelings.

Merryhobnobs · 25/08/2017 15:56

*started university a couple of months before turning 17!

Merryhobnobs · 25/08/2017 15:57

*18... bahhh sleep deprived/confused brain!

Merryhobnobs · 25/08/2017 15:58

Also speaking to your brother first was the right thing to do. I also don't know why people are being judgemental about that? It is hardly controlling unless you stipulated I am only going to cover costs if you do this course in this location. Thats controlling!

Original poster

PetitFilous123 · 25/08/2017 17:01

thanks Merry I genuinely didn't consider it would be such a hot topic for debate .

OP posts:

SittingAround1 · 25/08/2017 19:25

The nephew will have several years to save up a deposit with the money he is not spending on paying back a loan. Hardly anyone buys straight out of uni so he could potentially have extra £1000s that he wouldn't have had without the OPs help.

He is very lucky.

I also don't understand the problem with the OP just speaking to the father. It's better than just wading in and taking over.

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