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Original poster

Paying for Nephews University

222 replies

PetitFilous123 · 22/08/2017 23:00

Have NC so I don't out myself 😳

My brother has always been really good to me, looked after me after our parents died when we were young.

As things have worked out I have a good job and have saved quite well and generally just had a bit of good luck where finances are concerned. He and his wife struggle a bit financially and had been worried about how they would pay for their son to go to uni this year.

I spoke with my DB and suggested maybe I could pay his fees for the next four years and help out with accommodation costs etc. All fine. Didn't have the conversation with SIL because I wouldn't have wanted her to be offended or anything like that.

SIL has now just text to ask if I can give her the money she needs for a new car.

I could do this, and I probably will, I just sort of feel a little bit meh that she has asked me this. I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft though. I don't mind to help out, and I don't want to be rude, just sort of feel a bit out of sorts about it and can't tell if I'm being a bit unreasonable.

In my situation, wwyd? I'm not struggling for money, but equally I don't have a massive amount stashed away.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 10:15

I would much prefer he didn't get a part time job whilst away

With respect, OP, that's not your decision to make. I do hope he doesn't end up thinking he has to do what you say because you're funding his degree.

Allthebestnamesareused · 23/08/2017 10:19

PM'd you.

Allthebestnamesareused · 23/08/2017 10:30

The article is really only of relevance if it is anticipated that loan will never be repaid in full and written off after the 30 years.

The graduate will still be paying an extra 9% in "graduate tax" or loan repayment and I am fairly certain that if tomorrow the government announced that everyone who currently holds a historic degree (that did not require tuition fees) now had to pay an extra 9% tax we wouldn't all be saying that was a good thing.

If the OP has the money what better gift can she give her nephew than the gift of education and starting his working life debt free. She has already said she could possibly help with a deposit property too so it's not a choice of one or the other. Her money her choice. What a fab aunt!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Higher education
Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 10:46

Sorry, I should have said I did read the articles on the MSE website, and I think probably based on the fact he will be a potentially high earner it actually makes more sense to pay the fees upfront. If he was studying something less vocational I would see your point that he may never earn enough to pay it back. I suppose its just a balancing exercise.

Nephew won't know that I am contributing to his education, because I genuinely wouldn't want him to feel at all beholden, and of course if he decides to start drinking and frittering his money (which is hugely unlikely) that is a matter for him. Equally if he wants to get a part time job of course it is nothing to do with me, but he will have the option not too, which i think if he is sensible he will use.

I feel that there is no harm in encouraging him to think long term, a few extra pounds from bar work at university versus time to study and achieve a better result for long term gains is probably what i would advise, but he is a sensible man, and i trust him to make whatever decisions he wants.

Any money I have set aside for him is his, but when he is still quite young I see no harm in his father and I trying to direct it to the best use we can.

OP posts:
poisonedbypen · 23/08/2017 11:06

How can he not know? Does he think his father is funding it?

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 11:10

Nephew won't know that I am contributing to his education

i trust him to make whatever decisions he wants

Except you don't trust him enough to tell him you've made a unilateral decision to pay off his student loan. Why haven't you told him?

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 11:11

His student loan statement, which only he will have access to, will show that it's been paid off.

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 11:15

I haven't managed to read the whole thread yet but you would be crazy to pay for everything.

Your nephew can get a student loan for his fees and accommodation and then you could give him a weekly sum yo top him up if you wish.

Your family are taking advantage of you if they expect him to go to uni loan free on you.

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 11:17

It's really just so he doesn't get saddled with a lot of debts and I'd rather he didn't have to work part time jobs etc so he can focus on getting his exams
Sounds very cushy to me, why is he so special that he can't be like everyone else?

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 11:17

It's really just so he doesn't get saddled with a lot of debts and I'd rather he didn't have to work part time jobs etc so he can focus on getting his exams
Sounds very cushy to me, why is he so special that he can't be like everyone else?

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 11:18

He doesn't have a student loan yet, so the idea is we just pay the fees rather than him taking a loan.

I'm assuming he will think his father has paid it, but I probably didn't really consider that he might find that rude of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 11:20

Persian I think we just want to do what's best for him, if we can afford to do it I don't necessarily see the benefit to not doing it just to introduce some suffering into his student life. I can see this is possibly a topic that divides opinion though Blush

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 23/08/2017 11:24

Honestly you've done nothing wrong here. It is a great thing for you to offer to pay his fees and it's not a free loan getting a student loan, far far from it. So that's a great start in life for him. I think he should know though, maybe not immediately. But at some appropriate point. Not to feel beholden to you, but to know how much you care for him.

As for your SIL, I think you should speak to her face to face. Explain that you wouldn't want to ever make her or your brother feel anything less than equal to you and so you don't feel comfortable gifting them money in the way that you have your nephew. But if you can afford it, could you arrange an interest free loan for them? Gifting them money to be paid back at an agreed rate set up via DD?
That's quite a kind but Adult arrangement?

Allthebestnamesareused · 23/08/2017 11:28

To the poster who asked why is he so special - he is special because he is her nephew and his father looked after her when she was young and now she has decided it is payback time. She is now in a position to do something wonderful for her nephew and how lucky for him that after qualification he will not be forking out 9% of his income to the government for 30 years. Actually I do know people who are doing the same because they can afford to do this. Gone are the days of the favourable student loan rates. The interest almost accrues faster than payments are made initially! If he does become a dentist he will be in a position probably to pay it off entirely but at this high rate. It is OP's money so her money her choice. I am sure her nephew will be thrilled.

I suspect it is unlikely that in practical terms he won't not find out that his wonderful aunt is funding him.

This thread is about how to respond to the cheeky SIL rather than asking for advice about whether or not to pay uni fees but people have jumped on to this and are somehow outraged!

To SIL I'd say that I was freeing up income that they'd more than likely be using to help their DS (ie. topping up maintenance) so she can now use this to fund her car.

thegirlupnorth · 23/08/2017 11:28

I'd say no the to car.

Rather than pay his fees I would be inclined to set up a weekly standing order for a set amount which would cover his phone bill, tv licence, laptop insurance and some pocket money for food and a night out.

With a lump sum like £30k you'd be better off buying property and renting it to him or gifting it to him.

Brownsauceandsausages · 23/08/2017 11:34

Gosh. It is one thing to (v kindly on your part) offer.

It is a very different thing to ask for money. It is incredibly rude. She is taking advantage of your kindness.

charliethebear · 23/08/2017 11:34

Thats so cheeky of your sil, you would absolutely not be rude to refuse to.
Its lovely that you want to do this for your Dn, but just remember dentistry is 5 years, so 4 years of fees plus 5 years of maintenance, that would be much more like 60k than 30-35k, thats a hell of a lot of money.

MsGameandWatching · 23/08/2017 11:36

Absolutely not! I would frame it as I have committed to nephews education and therefore simply not in a position to do more now piss off you cheeky cow!

Bekabeech · 23/08/2017 11:36

To be honest there is nothing stopping him from having your money and still applying for the student loan.

Ttbb · 23/08/2017 11:37

That's very rude of her. It also seems abit like she's using you.

MsGameandWatching · 23/08/2017 11:37

Sounds very cushy to me, why is he so special that he can't be like everyone else?

What do you mean "like everyone else"? Loads of students don't have to work because their parents pick up the entire tab.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 11:43

I'm going to have a coffee with SIL and do as allthebest suggested and just say that since i'll be helping out with my Nephew they can maybe save towards a car. I don't think that's rude?

OP posts:
ASauvingnonADay · 23/08/2017 11:43

I'd say no to the car but I think it's great you're offering to pay his uni fees. Even if it the whole amount - just the course fees perhaps.
Although, as others have said and having struggled myself, investing that money that would be a house deposit would be much better and more worthwhile.

zzzzz · 23/08/2017 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 12:02

He doesn't have a student loan yet

I'm assuming he's starting in September? So he should already have sorted his finance out because you can't register with the university without proof you have student finance. He will also have to have sorted out his accommodation - how does he think that's being paid?

Ignore all that if he's starting in 2018 and has accepted and deferred a place.