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Original poster

Paying for Nephews University

222 replies

PetitFilous123 · 22/08/2017 23:00

Have NC so I don't out myself 😳

My brother has always been really good to me, looked after me after our parents died when we were young.

As things have worked out I have a good job and have saved quite well and generally just had a bit of good luck where finances are concerned. He and his wife struggle a bit financially and had been worried about how they would pay for their son to go to uni this year.

I spoke with my DB and suggested maybe I could pay his fees for the next four years and help out with accommodation costs etc. All fine. Didn't have the conversation with SIL because I wouldn't have wanted her to be offended or anything like that.

SIL has now just text to ask if I can give her the money she needs for a new car.

I could do this, and I probably will, I just sort of feel a little bit meh that she has asked me this. I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft though. I don't mind to help out, and I don't want to be rude, just sort of feel a bit out of sorts about it and can't tell if I'm being a bit unreasonable.

In my situation, wwyd? I'm not struggling for money, but equally I don't have a massive amount stashed away.

OP posts:
Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 12:42

He is registered and had previously submitted all his student finance papers but we can change this to self funding up until the date of the first payments with a bit of jiggering around. Same with the accommodation, although he has paid his deposit for this, but we can give that back to him.

I do think given his projected career path it will work out much cheaper for him if we pay the fees, but we can talk about it all over the weekend and maybe if his mum and dad think it's a good idea we can tell him what the plan is too.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 23/08/2017 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 13:20

OP, when you talk about "we" and "us", do you mean you and his dad but not him nor his mum?

It just seems a bit weird that you're planning all of this without asking him if this is what he wants. For all you know he may be mortified at the idea that you're doing all of this planning behind his back, even if you believe you're doing it for the best reason.

I asked both my DC - one just finished uni and one just about to start - how they would feel if my (wealthy) sister had done the same for them.

They were both horrified at the thought of not being included in the discussion.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Higher education
SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 13:30

Just read your last update.

Please do ask him for it's what he wants. It's infantilising him not to.

Please do also check whether what you think (about it being better financially to pay off his student loan) is actual fact and not just conjecture on your part.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 14:09

zzz I totally take your point, but realistically they won't be able to pay for his education costs whether I buy a car for them or not, and SIL's suggestion wasn't an instead of thing, it was an on top of thing. My brother and SIL have no problem with me paying for this as far as they have said.

Suburban the initial discussions were between my brother and I and I would be happy to leave it up to him to decide what to tell his son, and he obviously discussed it with his wife after the fact. We are a pretty close family.

If my brother had the money to do it himself that's what he would do, it's basically just me giving my brother the money to do what he wants to do but can't because of circumstances. I'm on board with kids being involved in decisions, but at the end of the day he is only 18 and it seems like it would be a lot of pressure on him to decide what he wanted to do. When it comes time for my kids to go to university I will be paying their fees and expenses for them, and really I can't imagine why they would want to take on the debt as an alternative. If he genuinely had a problem with it he could repay me when he starts work.

Obviously we can't predict his future so he may well end up in a lower paying job, but if he achieves his goals it will have saved quite a bit on interest for us to have paid these things in advance.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 15:20

I'm on board with kids being involved in decisions, but at the end of the day he is only 18

He's not a "kid", he's an adult. And you're clearly not on board with it at all, otherwise you'd have asked him, not his dad.

You sound very controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if he says yes (if you ever deign to tell him) because you seem unwilling accept that anyone's opinion matters more than yours and your brother's.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 15:56

Suburban You obviously have strong feelings about people supporting their kids financially which is fair enough. I think a lot of parents make decisions for the financial well being of their kids/young adults at this stage in their lives. I don't particularly see a problem with it.

I'm not sure why trying to head off financial hardship for him would be controlling but I've maybe missed something along the way. Thank you for your input though, there is certainly a lot to think about.

SIL has decided she is going to buy a car on finance so I think all is well on that end.

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:00

Have you even looked at the link that many PP posted about paying the fees upfront??

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:02

Persian - I had a good look at it, and it seems that if he is potentially a high earner it saves in the long run to pay the fees up front

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:04

SIL has decided she is going to buy a car on finance so I think all is well on that end
So because you are paying for her son's uni, she can afford to buy herself a new car??

Please tell me that it isn't just me that finds that really odd??

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:06

Persian - I had a good look at it, and it seems that if he is potentially a high earner it saves in the long run to pay the fees up front
What makes you so sure that he is going to be a high earner??

He could always take the loan for the fees and if he walks into a super high paid job the minute he leaves uni, you could pay the loan off there and then for him.

As you can tell, I think you are mad for paying the fees upfront when you don't have to but it is your life and money,.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:06

I followed their link to do a calculation.

Paying for Nephews University
OP posts:
Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:07

I think the potential problem with paying when he graduates is that by then he has 5years worth of interest already applied, as it is my understanding that the interest isn't delayed until graduation.

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PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:10

But you are assuming that your nephew will walk straight out of uni and into a £35,000 a year job.

I don't know what other posters think but I think that is a very optimistic assumption.

Janus · 23/08/2017 16:12

I'd REALLY not pay his fees. Every student (apart from super rich) get a loan and it's easy, straightforward and a very affordable thing to pay back (you have to earn over £21k before paying back and is roughly the cost of a mobile phone contract a month). However, accommodation fees are huge, about 6k a year, this would be amazingly generous to cover and maybe offer a weekly budget of £50 to go towards food when newphew is there. He'd be a very lucky boy, as would his family.
With this huge saving for his parents SIL should buy her own car. How could she even ask? I'd word a nice text back along the lines of 'I think the best thing to do is for me to pay accommodation and donate a small weekly payment for nephew, I'd love to help him but in all honesty I cannot also afford to buy you a car as I need to leave some savings as a reserve, hope you understand'. Honestly I'd rather tell her where to go but this would keep the peace and should make her think how very lucky she is already.

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:14

I think the potential problem with paying when he graduates is that by then he has 5years worth of interest already applied
What degree is he starting that is five years??

Everytimeref · 23/08/2017 16:15

Havent read all of thread but Martin Lewis the money expert always says "Don't pay for the tution fees" get the loan. Help your nephew with living costs only.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:15

Assuming he graduates as planned he would most likely have a starting salary of above £35,000.00, but anyway, there's really no sense in arguing about it. The plan is to pay fees and accommodation and a monthly stipend. We will go over the numbers again to try and figure out what makes the most sense, but the money is there for him at any rate, this just seemed a good use of it really.

I don't mind for SIL to get herself a new car, she works hard, I just don't want to pay for it outright for her which I think is fair enough.

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PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:16

The more I read this thread, the more it seems as if something is not right.

Even if you give your nephew the money for his fees and accommodation, there is nothing stopping him from taking the loans as well.

This whole situation seems really odd to me.

PersianCatLady · 23/08/2017 16:19

Assuming he graduates as planned he would most likely have a starting salary of above £35,000.00
You don't seem to understand what I am saying.

Assuming that he graduates and that he will walk straight into a super high-paying job is a very optimistic assumption.

Lots of people I know that graduated 15 years ago, have only started to earn that sort of money relatively recently, some have been unable to get the sort of job that they hoped for and work in basic paying jobs.

It is good to be hopeful but it is ridiculous to assume that he will definitely get a great job.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:21

Persian Don't worry about it. I know he could also take out a loan, but if he has money he won't need to take a loan. If he does though that's up to him isn't it. It would just be a bit daft. I genuinely didn't realise people found paying for kids to go to uni such a strange concept. I have sorted out the car business though, which was my concern

Thanks for all the input.

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Allthebestnamesareused · 23/08/2017 16:23

The OP has already stated he is doing dentistry and it is highly likely that he will therefore be in a highly paid job and even his starting salary will be a lot higher than the £21k kick in point. It is not only the super rich that fund their children's education.

If posters on here don't want to fund their child (rather than can't afford to) then that is their choice, just as it is the OP's choice to offer this opportunity to her nephew and to pay back her brother for the kindness and sacrifices he made for her when she was young. She should be applauded for her generosity not set upon! Confused

MyNewBearTotoro · 23/08/2017 16:24

I have a student loan and I would have loved my parents to have been able to pay my fees - I am nowhere near paying it back (most years I only pay off the interest) and although I only get £150 or so taken off my payslip a month coupled with NI, tax and pension it does feel like a considerable chunk being taken out!

The interest on student loans is fairly high and you start paying interest from day 1 so potebtially you could pay back the amount borrowed and still not ever pay off the loan.

Janus · 23/08/2017 16:34

I definitely applaud her but if nephew is earning 35K a year and will probably be single or without children then how could HE not afford to pay it back? I just don't understand why you should pay it all and give away a big chunk of your money when he should very much be able and responsible to pay the loan. That's just my opinion. What if you were to become sick and need money yourself? I think you need to protect your own nest egg too.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 16:39

Janus - I just think it will give him a better start in life really and I don't see the sense in him repaying a loan with interest when he doesn't have too.

I am quite financially secure and this is money that has been set aside for him, so it hasn't been factored into any of my contingency plans for my own family.

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