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Original poster

Paying for Nephews University

222 replies

PetitFilous123 · 22/08/2017 23:00

Have NC so I don't out myself 😳

My brother has always been really good to me, looked after me after our parents died when we were young.

As things have worked out I have a good job and have saved quite well and generally just had a bit of good luck where finances are concerned. He and his wife struggle a bit financially and had been worried about how they would pay for their son to go to uni this year.

I spoke with my DB and suggested maybe I could pay his fees for the next four years and help out with accommodation costs etc. All fine. Didn't have the conversation with SIL because I wouldn't have wanted her to be offended or anything like that.

SIL has now just text to ask if I can give her the money she needs for a new car.

I could do this, and I probably will, I just sort of feel a little bit meh that she has asked me this. I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft though. I don't mind to help out, and I don't want to be rude, just sort of feel a bit out of sorts about it and can't tell if I'm being a bit unreasonable.

In my situation, wwyd? I'm not struggling for money, but equally I don't have a massive amount stashed away.

OP posts:
Zampa · 23/08/2017 07:56

With interest rates on fees at 6%, OP's nephew will have an extra £5K of debt to pay off at point of graduation. Whilst he may never have to pay off the full amount of the loans, he could/will end up paying a considerable amount in interest.

OP - maybe discuss your nephew's course choice/career plans with him and work out what's best to do. He may be dead set on law or want to become a social worker. This will help inform your choice.

With regards to your SIL, I'm amazed she sent a text with such a request. My reply would be to ask her to come and talk to you about it. I'm about to buy a new car for £500 and maybe that's what you offer?

I agree with PPs that if you agree to this request, the demands will increase.

poisonedbypen · 23/08/2017 08:04

Think of it as a graduate tax, not a loan. If you owe £50K you pay 9% of your SALARY (not if the loan) each month. If you owe £10K you pay 9% of your salary each month. No difference in the repayments. Yes it would take longer & be more in total, but 75% of people will not repay the whole loan.

Belindaboom · 23/08/2017 08:06

Yes and it's a noose round your neck every month and one more thing to pay. Not having that would be amazing.

Interested in this thread?

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Higher education
Tensecondrule · 23/08/2017 08:11

The fees will add up to a lot more than 30-35k if he's living away from home. £9,250 per year plus accommodation at most uni outside London is 6k per year, plus living expenses....you'll be looking at nearer 55-60k I'm afraid. As others have said, no point paying fees up front when he can get a loan he may never have to pay back. I would suggest a monthly allowance while he's at uni, that will be a massive help and he won't blow it all at once.

troodiedoo · 23/08/2017 08:12

Very kind of you to put nephew through uni. Very kind.

To ask for new car costs by text? Text! The height of entitled cheeky fuckery! Tell her to fuck right off.

DressedCrab · 23/08/2017 08:23

How embarrassing. I'd have to say no because it could be the start of a series of demands. I wonder if your brother knows.

looneymumtoteens · 23/08/2017 08:30

What a lovely auntie you are to offer to pay for his fees, I agree with other posters that a monthly allowance would be a better idea under the circumstances! Do NOT give money to your grabbing SIL cheeky cow!

2014newme · 23/08/2017 08:32

Do not get the car. It will be something else next, yours like the bank to them they ask you whenever they want anything.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/08/2017 08:32

If he gets loans doesbt it cover more than living costs? So money to spend to? In which case that plus interest is definitely more than fees and accommodation.
Do they still means teat for fees? Def make him do that to reduce what you are paying.

If he wants spends he needs to get a job so there's your lesson in financial responsibility.

What you're doing is fantastic but don't become a cash cow to SIL

" I'm sorry SIL you know I always help when I can but until Neph is in university / I've worked out what that will cost I'm afraid I just don't have any disposable cash. I could probably lend you X amount"

babybigapple · 23/08/2017 08:33

Bloody hell... beginning to see why the university system is such a shambles if people are advising so strongly not to pay for tuition fees if you can!! I imagine the same people who will complain their DC are saddled with £xk debt for years and years.

It MAY not make the best financial sense but paying for his fees upfront would be incredibly generous and the right thing to do. Ignoring the financial argument above, it really would give him a 'mental advantage' in knowing this is taken care of.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 08:36

OP, please read some actual financial advice about why paying off student loans only makes sense for a tiny minority of people.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/repay-post-2012-student-loan

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 08:36

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/repay-post-2012-student-loan

Sorry, link fail.

foodiefil · 23/08/2017 08:39

Student debt is pretend debt. It only ever come out of your salary once you're earning a certain amount. Where is he going to uni? If it's a good area buy his student house for him and his mates and invest the money for him. Then he can use it as a house deposit or pay his loan off.

I'm sure it's still one of the cheapest loans you can get so why pay for it and get loans for other things?

Up to you obviously but I always thinks it's bananas to pay the fees. For most people anyway

RandomDent · 23/08/2017 08:50

I'm with you, I think she's having a dig.

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 08:59

I think I'll just sit down with my brother at the weekend and do some more sums. I would be happy to pay the fees and accommodation and top him up each month with a monthly stipend, it's not just one or the other, and as a family we are a bit debt adverse, so it's probably more that paying them up front will take them off our minds.

He is going to study dentistry, so potentially a quite highly paid graduate job and he would most likely have to repay his loan. Which I think he should do if he can.

With the house deposit by the time he gets to that stage I could probably find something to give him towards that, but not having debts from uni would hopefully help him with that at any rate?

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 23/08/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 09:20

OP, please read the excellent article I've linked to by Martin Lewis. He says people think about student loans in the wrong way - they aren't like any other financial product and you need to look at them differently from, say, a mortgage or a payday loan.

You say you haven't got much "stashed away" - surely you need to protect your own family against ill health, unemployment, etc. before you even think about paying tens of thousands of pounds to your nephew, almost certainly without needing to?

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 09:32

suburban I just mean to say I didn't win the lottery or anything, but my kids are well set up with trust funds, so their education will be sorted out pretty well, and if i get sick or die i'm probably worth more to them in insurance policies than i am working Grin

I just want my nephew to have the same opportunities that my children will have, but that he doesn't have because his father had to make a lot of sacrifices for my sake.

OP posts:
Haaaarrrryyyy · 23/08/2017 09:35

please be aware that tuition fee loans do not show up on credit reports so aren't a debt as such, these are repaid at a small amount each month taken immediately from wages when earning over a certain amount per year.
paying accommodation fees would enable your nephew to keep all of his student loans that are there to mainly to pay for accommodation, resources and food. paying this would leave him with a large sum of money at his disposal to buy food and in effect learn to manage his own money.
I would be wary of paying all of this as it is very easy for students to waste all of their money on nights out etc which is just part of student lifestyle
In your position I would (and this is what I would do not what you should do! just a suggestion) allow nephew to get tuition fee loans and student loans from student finance and ease his worries by paying his accommodation fees. student loans would see him easily get by throughout his university life and would maybe give him money as a deposit for accommodation near a job when he has graduated which would help out a lot more and still leave him capable of managing his own finances.

InfiniteSheldon · 23/08/2017 09:36

Excellent update OP ignore the uncalled for and frankly wrong advice and tell SiL to do one. He's doing a great degree (not that offering to help him should give you veto rights anyway) and you sound like a fabulous Auntie

Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 09:41

I would probably just look at how much of a student loan he could get and then just give him that amount instead of him borrowing it. So that way he will still have to be financially responsible but we don't have to worry about him living off pot noodles and skipping meals to buy books. The idea is to put him in the same position he would be in as a regular student borrower, but i would be the "lender" if you see what i mean.

He is a hard worker and his course will be quite demanding so I just want him to be able to relax and enjoy his time and be able to focus on his education. I would much prefer he didn't get a part time job whilst away. He has his whole life to work and worry about finances, but I will look into it all more and decide with his father how we do things.

I think the consensus is that it wouldn't be rude of me not to supply a vehicle for my SIL though.

OP posts:
Original poster
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 09:45

Infinatesheldon I'm glad he is doing a more vocational degree, but equally if he decided to go study the philosophy of cross stitch I would be happy to help him out all the same Grin

When I went off to uni my brother took on an extra job and sent me £50 a month, as well as supporting me through the trials and tribulations of moving away and getting things done. I was funded for university though, and felt i had a responsibility not to waste my opportunity (as i saw it) so I also chose a vocational course, but really my brother and I had no clue what we were doing at the time so as I say I was just lucky to have picked something that i got a job doing and have had some success along the way.

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 23/08/2017 09:57

Sounds like you are establishing a great family tradition of paying it forward Smile

Bekabeech · 23/08/2017 10:06

PLEASE read www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes before paying your DNs fees etc. There are better uses for this money than paying the fees.
Yes to helping him by topping up his maintenance allowance. But Student Loans are not really Loans but a tax. They do not count as Loans when buying a house,just as a regular outgoing.
And your DN having some kind of job is actually helpful for his long term career, as long as he doesn't over do it.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2017 10:12

beka

I've already linked to that article but the OP has ignored it.