Paying for Nephews University

[PetitFilous123]

Have NC so I don't out myself 😳

My brother has always been really good to me, looked after me after our parents died when we were young.

As things have worked out I have a good job and have saved quite well and generally just had a bit of good luck where finances are concerned. He and his wife struggle a bit financially and had been worried about how they would pay for their son to go to uni this year.

I spoke with my DB and suggested maybe I could pay his fees for the next four years and help out with accommodation costs etc. All fine. Didn't have the conversation with SIL because I wouldn't have wanted her to be offended or anything like that.

SIL has now just text to ask if I can give her the money she needs for a new car.

I could do this, and I probably will, I just sort of feel a little bit meh that she has asked me this. I don't know if I'm just being a bit daft though. I don't mind to help out, and I don't want to be rude, just sort of feel a bit out of sorts about it and can't tell if I'm being a bit unreasonable.

In my situation, wwyd? I'm not struggling for money, but equally I don't have a massive amount stashed away.

The link from the MSE forum is actually what convinced us it makes more sense to pay upfront, ironically enough, since his starting salary is likely to be in excess of the £35,000 suggested.

SurburbanRhonda I have read it and that is why I suggested it'll be cheaper for the OP to pay the fees.

People need to sit down with a calculator and work out themselves if the loan is worth it. Not just blindly follow what a random website says.

Exactly sittingaround! obviously each situation will be unique.

Young people see student finance as 'free money' and student debt as 'not real' which is corroborated mathematically by the MSE article but doesn't cover the real life implications. Many graduates I come across (my industry takes top calibre graduates onto a professional training scheme) are appalling with finances as they've had the first few years of adult life accumulating this debt with the assumption they'll never need to pay it back. This is bad for two reasons being that money doesn't grow on trees and a good education is not cheap/free!

Young people see student finance as 'free money' and student debt as 'not real'

No they don't - don't be ridiculous. Most young people from my background are worried sick about it.

Maybe your industry needs to think about who it's attracting and recruiting.

We're recruiting people like the OP's nephew who will be on a starting salary indicating they'll be in the 23% that actually pay back the entire amount plus the ridiculous interest so it's worthwhile paying fees upfront. So if the young people from your background are worried about it then they're probably in the same boat otherwise they're on the 9% graduate tax model who will see their loan and interest written off after 30 years like Martin says

I think you're generally right babybigapple that is certainly the view that has been adopted in this thread, why pay when you may never have too. Though I'm sure there are people who feel nervous about the debt too. It's a mine field!

Not just blindly follow what a random website says

I don't think anyone on here has suggested blindly following anything, just reading some background information about the factors to consider

I don't think anyone has said "why pay when you don't have to?" either.

More "why pay when it may leave you out of pocket financially?".

That's not what you wrote though, babybigapple.

I think the MSE website is useful as a general guide, and having checked it it's confirmed that we should, in our case, pay the fees upfront because we can. I suppose the blindly following the by line is more to do with the fact people are still saying it doesn't make sense to pay the fees, when in my case it does. So rather than just accepting the common notion that graduates will rarely have to pay back their loan it is more a case of looking at things on a case by case basis.

It's certainly a hot topic at any rate 😁

Nephew has now contacted his student loans and changed to self funding, so I think we're pretty well committed to this course of action at any rate

Hope it goes well. You're very generous.

Thanks liney I hope all goes well too!! The sad part of packing him off comes next, that's the real problem 😂

Read MSE and watch Judge Judy.

If you lend money to someone you always end up being the bad guy.

Best to give the money and not expect it back.

I've got one leaving in just over 3 weeks - it'll be bittersweet, I can tell you. You just try and do your best.

babybigapple, I do get what you're saying about avoiding the punitive interest. Sorry I was snappy.

What a lovely aunt you are!

As others have said, there are other ways your nephew could fund his own university education. An allowance from you might be a nice thing - it would mean he wouldn't have to work during term time and could do volunteering work in the summer vacations.

If it were me though, I might be thinking about giving him a lump sum to help towards a house deposit when he's a bit older and more settled. That way, he'll still have to work a bit for his education, so he doesn't take it for granted.

And I think your SIL is very very cheeky - or worse - to ask you to buy her a car.

There's a difference between helping a young person establish themselves in life, and bailing out an adult who could manage her own finances.

I think this is really kind of you to do OP. You've obviously done all the ins and outs so I won't comment on that.

Do you know if your DB is aware of SIL asking for a car? I'm just concerned there may he some marriage undercurrents coming to light. You'll have to decide whether or not to mention it to him - if you don't you are keeping secrets and if you do you are mixing it. Please be careful and be aware of what is going on around you.

zippey it is a gift, not a loan.

I think on the house front being debt free from uni will help a lot, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Hi PetitFilous123

I have nothing of substance/use to add. I just wanted to say, as someone who was petrified of student debt when I went to uni (when the fees were a lot lower), what an amazing and lovely thing you are doing for your DN.
xxxxx

Tbh the thing that puzzled me was why the nephew was being kept in the dark about who was going to be funding him through university and how his dad was going to explain away a sudden windfall of £40,000 when they can't even afford a new car without taking out finance.

I don't think it's unusual for kids not to know the exact nature of their parents finances

Cheeky sil.
She should be so grateful you are so generous to her son.
I'd be and

I don't think it's unusual for kids not to know the exact nature of their parents finances

That's not at all what we're talking about here (as well you know).

We're talking about parents considering lying about where they've suddenly acquired over £40,000 from to pay the nephew's tuition fees.

He's 18, he's clearly bright enough to get into dental school - do you seriously not think he might wonder where such a huge amount of money has come from?

The fees really aren't that much. It's not outside the realms of possibility that his dad could have saved it up.

The money will come from his dads account to his account, why does it matter what the origin is? I just don't really get the issue sub but it's the way we're doing it, and there's no maliscious intent.

£9,250 per year for five years?

That's well over £40,000. And the point is his dad hasn't saved it up, hence why they can't afford to buy a car without finance.

Yes, you've made it clear you don't think you need to tell him who's paying for his tuition fees, but I'm wondering, why lie? You said upthread that you know him well enough that you're certain he'd be delighted with your gift, so why not tell him? I just don't get it.