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Original poster

Wedding Invite but no kids!!!

192 replies

Bellabutterfly2016 · 10/04/2016 11:44

I think this is just weird;

My friend is getting married in June (we all went to uni together) - there was 4 of us really good friends we lived together for the entire 4 year course. 2 of us have kids, my dd is 5 months and one of the other girls has a newborn and 3 year old twins.

The bride has invited all of us as bridesmaids - we knew about this we've been shopping for dresses and shoes and the bride has paid for them no expense spared either!!!

Anyway I've already bought a dress for my dd and told our other friend with the baby and Twins (all girls) we ordered them all the same from NEXT so they'd look lovely on the photo's. We haven't told the bride as we thought it would be a nice surprise but the surprise was on us.......

Official invite yesterday came and said "sorry no kids"!!! My other friend with kids got hers first as I was out yesterday and phoned me in floods of tears - I must admit I was pretty upset too - I haven't spoken to my friend without kids or the bride I'm in shock!!! I told my mum who said she'd have my daughter (this would be for the weekend as its in a country hotel miles away and we've been booked in fri-sun we just assumed with a travel cot!!!) but that's not the point.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tackle it?

OP posts:
Savagebeauty · 10/04/2016 11:48

Floods of tears?
Bit dramatic.
Perhaps you jumped the gun assuming very young children would be invited.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 10/04/2016 11:49

Just leave dd at home or get your parents to stay local to the wedding so you can see dd. Do not ask the bride to change her mind.

m0therofdragons · 10/04/2016 11:50

Oh god I love child free weddings. I get to drink, stay late and generally enjoy the day. I think our first child free wedding was when dd1 was 4 and our twins were about 8 months. Not sure my pil knew what hit them but it gave us a great excuse to organise childcare. Enjoy it.

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Weddings
fuzzywuzzy · 10/04/2016 11:50

Could you speak to the bride and clarify if this includes your DC?

Cakescakescakes · 10/04/2016 11:50

Could you check with her? I've been at weddings where the bridal party or immediate family brought their kids but no 'ordinary' guest had kids invited. I went to 2 weddings with ds as a young baby. He was ebf so I checked each time when the invites came that I could bring him as not bringing him would have meant me not going due to logistics etc. I didn't bring my older DC to these weddings. I think a babe in arms is different.

PrimalLass · 10/04/2016 11:50

Your daughters a baby and won't care if she is there or not.

stitch10yearson · 10/04/2016 11:50

Give your friend the benefit of the doubt, and assume she didnt realise that you wouldnt be able to come without the kids.
Then, if she is an arse and still doesnt realise how unreasonable she isbeing, get a refund on the dresses etc.

Ginmakesitallok · 10/04/2016 11:51

How would I tackle it? By taking mum up on her offer of babysitting and checking in future before buying dresses

JennyOnAPlate · 10/04/2016 11:51

Many people have child free weddings. It's not unusual or unreasonable at all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/04/2016 11:52

What do you mean by tackle it?

I think you'll have to ask your mum to babysit.

kittybiscuits · 10/04/2016 11:53

'Sorry - no bridesmaids'. It is disgusting to allow you to go through all of this hoopla without mention that even tiny babies aren't invited. When people choose that kind of wedding, you just need to choose what to do about it.

kittybiscuits · 10/04/2016 11:54

*mentioning

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 10/04/2016 11:54

Kid free weddings appear to be quite common, but babies in arms are usually an exception. Your friend should have mentioned her intentions before asking you to be bridesmaids as she's put you in a very difficult position if you want to back out now that she has bought you both expensive dresses. I suppose some people would say you should have asked yourself, but its natural to assume you will be able to bring your very tiny baby - 3 year old twins maybe not always so automatically assumed to be invited.

I would have definitely declined a no kids wedding invite requiring an overnight stay if I had a baby under about 9 months old - you will get lots of "if you aren't identical to me you are a Mummy Martyr" replies telling you to leave your baby with your mum and suck it up as its your friend's "Day" and she can do what the hell she likes, and anyone who doesn't like getting rid of their baby to "let their hair down" as often as possible is a misery... but the fact remains it is very normal indeed not to want to be away from your baby overnight and you are in no way obliged to do it.

You'll need to talk to your friend (the bride not the other bridesmaid) if you are not happy to leave your baby, and either back out or arrange that babies in arms are an exception. I assume the baby will be with your DH while you are actually bridesmaiding so won't infringe on the bride's need for whatever help it is some brides need from bridesmaids?

Tiggeryoubastard · 10/04/2016 11:54

Overreacting with the tears. Take your mother to look after your child. And as an aside - buying yours and friends kids matching outfits to 'look good on the pics' could very easily cause offence. They'd look like part of the wedding party. Bit of a crass thing to do. It wouldn't be a surprise, it'd be s bloody shock.

ruddynorah · 10/04/2016 11:55

You don't tackle it. You enjoy what sounds to be a super fancy wedding, relax without kids, have drinks, have a fabulous weekend. The kids won't care and they'll have a nice weekend with grandma.

gamerchick · 10/04/2016 11:55

Child free wedding? I would be over the moon.

You and your friend are being a smite over dramatic man, tears? Confused

FantasticMax · 10/04/2016 11:55

It's a shame she didn't give you a heads up earlier, but it is up to her who is invited. Perhaps she thought you'd enjoy the time off? Personally for me I think 5 months is a bit young to leave a baby for the weekend so I'd probably pull out, but in general I have no issue with child free weddings.
Can you raise the issue politely with the bride? She'll have so much going on with the wedding that she may not have appreciated that it may be difficult for you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/04/2016 11:55

Also with the greatest of respect, you and your friend may be excited abouut dressing your girls in the same clothes, but I doubt the bride will give a toss. She probably hasn't given your children a second thougnt and probably won't. Before I had children, I was oblivious to most of them.

Angetrain · 10/04/2016 11:55

It's entirely their choice to have child free ...... But perhaps letting you all know earlier would have avoided this shock. Just take up your mums offer & enjoy the day

MrsBungle · 10/04/2016 11:55

I was a bridesmaid for my friend who didn't have kids at the time. My dd was 1. I had had a child free wedding myself - totally child free, crying babies were not my thing then! I assumed friend would want child free too and I arranged a babysitter. I love not taking my kids to weddings, just myself to think about, I can relax and have a drink in peace. I say take up the babysitting offer and go and have fun!

CharlieSierra · 10/04/2016 11:56

I saw a whole other thread yesterday with everyone agreeing they prefer to go child free if they get half a chance. You can't win when you organise a wedding, somebody always manages to find something to be offended or upset about. Why would you think the bride would be pleasantly surprised about you all dressing your DDs up and making it into a 'thing' btw?

TurnOffTheTv · 10/04/2016 11:57

Can't believe you both went out and bought all your children matching dresses without checking. Even if they had been invited they would all look like 'mini' bridesmaids Confused

LittleNelle · 10/04/2016 11:58

Your friend should have made clear when she asked you to be a bridesmaid that she wanted no children.

Call her and clarify the situation, then decide if you still want to go or not.

Brokenbiscuit · 10/04/2016 11:59

Personally, I hate child free weddings and generally decline the invitations, but I know some people don't want kids at their wedding so that's fair enough.

The tears seem a bit of an overreaction if I'm honest - child free weddings are hardly unusual these days. I presume the problem is that she didn't tell you earlier, and now you have no option to decline?

NicknameUsed · 10/04/2016 12:00

The bride should have mentioned the no kids rules before she asked you to be bridesmaids. She was wrong in assuming that you wouldn't bring your children/ could get childcare, and I suppose you were both incorrect to assume that the children were invited.

I just think child free weddings are odd though because for my family and OH's family weddings are more about including all the family rather than all of the friends (plus children).