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Original poster

Wedding Invite but no kids!!!

192 replies

Bellabutterfly2016 · 10/04/2016 11:44

I think this is just weird;

My friend is getting married in June (we all went to uni together) - there was 4 of us really good friends we lived together for the entire 4 year course. 2 of us have kids, my dd is 5 months and one of the other girls has a newborn and 3 year old twins.

The bride has invited all of us as bridesmaids - we knew about this we've been shopping for dresses and shoes and the bride has paid for them no expense spared either!!!

Anyway I've already bought a dress for my dd and told our other friend with the baby and Twins (all girls) we ordered them all the same from NEXT so they'd look lovely on the photo's. We haven't told the bride as we thought it would be a nice surprise but the surprise was on us.......

Official invite yesterday came and said "sorry no kids"!!! My other friend with kids got hers first as I was out yesterday and phoned me in floods of tears - I must admit I was pretty upset too - I haven't spoken to my friend without kids or the bride I'm in shock!!! I told my mum who said she'd have my daughter (this would be for the weekend as its in a country hotel miles away and we've been booked in fri-sun we just assumed with a travel cot!!!) but that's not the point.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tackle it?

OP posts:

HildaFlorence · 10/04/2016 20:36

Surely you wouldn't have to pay for a newborn and a 7 month old?I think the issue here is the late notice , if you ask someone who is heavily pregnant or has a newborn to be bridesmaid then you should be able to understand that they would have to bring the baby or at least you would say , I would love you to be bridesmaid but the wedding will be child free and let the person decide .

Muskateersmummy · 10/04/2016 20:53

I find this really strange. I totally get a child free wedding, but why would you go to all the time and effort with bridesmaids getting dresses etc, and then tell them they can't bring their very young children? This puts everyone in a very uncomfortable position. It seems very thoughtless on the brides part. It's not just an invitation in this case, it's an invitation to be a bridesmaid, with lots of money already paid out for dresses and accessories so a very large amount of obligation to attend.

I usually wouldn't say check with the bride, but in this case I potentially would, if it was a case of you not being able to attend without your children. If your bridesmaids, you should be close enough friends to discuss this sensibly.

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 20:54

Sorry I read this wrong didn't realise they were newborns involved we invited all babies under 1 year to the wedding obviously as they were breastfeeding. It was older kids we couldn't invite any over the age of 2 needed a meal and then there is room capacity some venues have a capacity of around 80 guests

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Weddings

mrsjskelton · 10/04/2016 21:10

There are heaps of child free weddings! I don't see the problem. It's her big day and it's her decision! You jumped the gun buying the dress before getting the invitation I'm afraid.

mrsjskelton · 10/04/2016 21:12

The newborn situation is different. I'm assuming the bride is childless and doesn't understand that mum needs to be with her baby.

NicknameUsed · 10/04/2016 21:15

"You jumped the gun buying the dress before getting the invitation I'm afraid."

So did the bride.

usual · 10/04/2016 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 10/04/2016 21:19

I'm assuming the bride is childless and doesn't understand that mum needs to be with her baby.

The patronising continues....

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 21:26

All babies under 1 were obviously breastfed Becki. That a pretty bold assumption.

HanYOLO · 10/04/2016 21:27

LittleMisslovespiders

Why do you think comments are patronising? They are based on personal experience, and of many many threads along these lines. I think it is very clearly the case in relation to the OP's situation. Either the bride hasn't realised that mothers unlikely to want or be able to leave their very young babies, or she basically doesn't really care. As the OP and her friend are bridesmaids I think the former is a safer bet, don't you?

TBH my previous comment was in response to another poster who has basically cut someone who didn't invite her kids to their wedding out of her life. Which, IMO, is nuts.

HanYOLO · 10/04/2016 21:30

sorry - terrible grammar above

rephrased - in response to another poster who has cut someone out of her life because they didn't invite her kids to their wedding. Which, IMO, is nuts.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2016 21:31

Maybe they don't like kids! I don't. I have 3 and don't like toddlers or pre-schoolers. I wouldn't want any at my wedding. I don't find them cute or funny and I've seen entire events sidetracked by toddlers.

If you don't have childcare, don't go.

HanYOLO · 10/04/2016 21:33

Yep, expat that's possible too and entirely fair enough should they have made that choice.

usual · 10/04/2016 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetMeBakeCake · 10/04/2016 21:36

I know child free weddings are considered normal now but I really don't understand it. I know there are a lot of people that say that parents like to come to weddings without their children so they can let their hair down but personally, I'd rather be given the choice.

When I got married I invited all children as I don't really get what the problem is with them. People mention 'not wanting screaming kids' but I have never known this to be the case. I must admit I was upset when my baby was excluded from weddings and we couldnt attend as a result. I didn't leave him overnight until he was 2.5 and certainly wouldn't have left him as a baby.

I'm really surprised as you are in the bridal party that your children are excluded - I wouldn't be happy leaving my DS for that length of time and he's 3.5 now.

BackforGood · 10/04/2016 21:39

we invited all babies under 1 year to the wedding obviously as they were breastfeeding

eh? MASSIVE presumption there.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 21:40

I pointed that out too Backforgood

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 21:42

Maybe formula fed babies got dis invited?

Not sure what happened to all the 1-2 years old that eats solid food?

exLtEveDallas · 10/04/2016 21:50

Hold on, stop giving becciandbump grief for the "babies being breastfed" comment. Those people were her friends - I would assume she knows how their babies are being fed. I know I certainly did.

Bloody hell, some people can find a fight in anything

Lucked · 10/04/2016 21:56

I breastfed so this wouldn't have been possible but I think given that you are all so close you should go but minimise the time there. Arrive late Friday and be up and out on Sunday.

Another alternative is now to consider driving. I know my DH would not drink if it was the wedding of one of my friends and we wanted to get back to baby.

Exactly how far away is miles away?

Shadow1986 · 10/04/2016 22:03

Can you get a sitter? If yes then is there a big problem? If no, then tell her and see what she suggests. As you're part of the bridal party she may make an exception, I did at my wedding.

theclick · 10/04/2016 22:05

Floods of tears?! Bloody hell. Slightly OTT much? Frustrated and aggravated may be a better response. While it is annoying, why not just take the opp to have a decent time child-free?

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:05

I didn't post on her to get comments back which are darn right rude if my friends choose to breastfeed that's great do you really think id uninvite my friends if they chose to bottlefeed. My bridesmaid was bottlefeeding and I went out of my way to book her a cottage for her and her husband to stay in so she could stay close to her baby. God I only joined this site since I became pregnant really hope I don't become a critical parent like some people. Each to their own snd I was only sticking up for the bride everyone has been so quick to criticise her . Weddings are bloody expensive and yes I invited my bridesmaids kids who were pageboys but we just couldn't afford to invite other children that's no crime!!

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:11

And by the way 2 year olds can eat solid food wtf! The 2 year olds at our wedding fully enjoyed their child sized roast chicken breast .

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 22:16

Just a question - did you book the cottage so they could be close to the baby, but not invite the baby to the wedding?

You did say all babies under 1 were invited, so this baby was over 1?

Just asking as I assumed it was a coat question.

Genuine question BTw

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