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Original poster

Wedding Invite but no kids!!!

192 replies

Bellabutterfly2016 · 10/04/2016 11:44

I think this is just weird;

My friend is getting married in June (we all went to uni together) - there was 4 of us really good friends we lived together for the entire 4 year course. 2 of us have kids, my dd is 5 months and one of the other girls has a newborn and 3 year old twins.

The bride has invited all of us as bridesmaids - we knew about this we've been shopping for dresses and shoes and the bride has paid for them no expense spared either!!!

Anyway I've already bought a dress for my dd and told our other friend with the baby and Twins (all girls) we ordered them all the same from NEXT so they'd look lovely on the photo's. We haven't told the bride as we thought it would be a nice surprise but the surprise was on us.......

Official invite yesterday came and said "sorry no kids"!!! My other friend with kids got hers first as I was out yesterday and phoned me in floods of tears - I must admit I was pretty upset too - I haven't spoken to my friend without kids or the bride I'm in shock!!! I told my mum who said she'd have my daughter (this would be for the weekend as its in a country hotel miles away and we've been booked in fri-sun we just assumed with a travel cot!!!) but that's not the point.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tackle it?

OP posts:

HanYOLO · 11/04/2016 10:44

The bride does need to think further than this if she wants the mother of a newborn to be her bridesmaid.

Salene · 11/04/2016 14:34

Especially is couple have no children there is nothing wrong with not inviting kids

I'm sure you can get a baby sitter

We had no children at our wedding , I don't see a issue with it .

NicknameUsed · 11/04/2016 15:20

"The bride does need to think further than this if she wants the mother of a newborn to be her bridesmaid."

Of course she does. I don't get why people don't understand this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

Underdogsbollocks · 11/04/2016 15:22

There is no issue with having a child free wedding, the issue is that two of the bridesmaids have newborns and weren't told as soon as a child free wedding was decided.

Hulababy · 11/04/2016 16:41

Salene - how easy is it really for many people to get a babysitter to have their baby/toddler (in the OP one is a newborn, one of 5m and there are also 3y twins) for a night, let alone a whole weekend.

BTW - no issue with you choosing a child free wedding so long as you don't complain if anyone didn't come as a result of that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/04/2016 16:50

The bride makes the decision to invite her friends to be bridesmaids at her child free wedding.

What the friends choose to do about that is up to them, I'm sure their absence won't ruin the wedding (although the identically dressed children was a tacky idea). The bride doesn't have to think about how babies are being fed because it's not her problem! I'm sure she has much more to think about than how her friends are going to deal with their family commitments.

Go or don't go - but don't whine (or be in 'floods of tears' - FFS) if you choose not to attend because you can't/won't leave your baby.

I still think the bride is making an excuse because she heard about the matching outfits.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/04/2016 16:51

And as far as we know the bride hasn't moaned about them not going as she isn't yet aware!

LittleMisslovesspiders · 11/04/2016 16:52

I still think the bride is making an excuse because she heard about the matching outfits.

Maybe right.

That is very very weird

MrsHathaway · 11/04/2016 17:41

I haven't seen anyone ask OP not that she'll be back when she was asked to be a bm. We hear horror stories often of weddings being actively planned for two years or longer, when the two babies in question hadn't even been conceived yet.

The bride might well have asked her three best friends who were all then childless to be her bms, and assumed when they later got pg and gave birth that they would perform full bm duties as agreed eighteen months in advance.

There are still lots of solutions that don't involve floods of tears or broken friendships - eg having the children stay near or at the venue so that their respective fathers (or grandparents) maybe can look after them while the bridesmaids are attending the bride.

I'm the kind of mother who "can't" ie won't leave her small children overnight while they're bf, and who bfs well past the first birthday, so I've had to address this dilemma a lot of times.

mrsjskelton · 11/04/2016 21:40

Wow livia. If you can't see how it's ridiculous to ask a friend with a newborn to be your bridesmaid and then ban her from bringing the baby then there really is nothing more to be said!

mrsjskelton · 11/04/2016 21:41

You also clearly have issues if the term "girl" is offensive to you. I'm 28 and perfectly happy to be referred to as a girl. You are not representative of every woman out there.

NicknameUsed · 11/04/2016 21:42

Same mrsjskelton

mrsjskelton · 11/04/2016 21:51

That's true mrshathaway. But if you've asked friends to be bridesmaids, it's not fair that they should put their lives on hold for the sake of the bride's choice to have a long engagement. Life goes on!

MrsHathaway · 11/04/2016 22:25

Sorry, to clarify, I don't think the bride necessarily expected her bms to put their lives on hold generally, just for the wedding itself.

I mean, there are brides who sack bridesmaids for getting engaged or pregnant, but that's pretty extreme zilla-ing!

LittleMisslovesspiders · 11/04/2016 22:46

You also clearly have issues if the term "girl" is offensive to you.

I have no issues thank you. I don't want to be called 'girl'.

You are not representative of every woman out there.

Neither are you.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/04/2016 08:00

Unless I'm missing the point here, nobody is in the wrong here.

Bride asks friends to be bridesmaids

They say yes

It then turns out that no children allowed

Bridesmaids:

(A) Get a babysitter
(B) Don't attend

The bride isn't wrong to make the wedding no children, and doesn't need to concern herself with arrangements for childcare - as long as she accepts that two of her bridesmaids can't attend.

The OP and her friend aren't wrong to not be bridesmaids any more.

The only odd things are the grown woman in 'floods of tears' (presumably she has other things going on in her life to provoke such an extreme reaction) and the two bridesmaids deciding to dress their children up identically so that they look like part of the wedding party as a tacky surprise for the bride.

oohlalala · 15/04/2016 03:05

I'd say enjoy the break. I've been to a wedding with my children and without, I was constantly on edge when they were there as it was a fancy hotel & they can be little terrors when they want to be, plus had to go to bed early and not drink. Being a bridesmaid you're meant to be mingling and getting everyone on the dance floor, not putting the children to bed at 7pm then not able to leave your room. Enjoy the freedom!

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