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Original poster

Wedding Invite but no kids!!!

192 replies

Bellabutterfly2016 · 10/04/2016 11:44

I think this is just weird;

My friend is getting married in June (we all went to uni together) - there was 4 of us really good friends we lived together for the entire 4 year course. 2 of us have kids, my dd is 5 months and one of the other girls has a newborn and 3 year old twins.

The bride has invited all of us as bridesmaids - we knew about this we've been shopping for dresses and shoes and the bride has paid for them no expense spared either!!!

Anyway I've already bought a dress for my dd and told our other friend with the baby and Twins (all girls) we ordered them all the same from NEXT so they'd look lovely on the photo's. We haven't told the bride as we thought it would be a nice surprise but the surprise was on us.......

Official invite yesterday came and said "sorry no kids"!!! My other friend with kids got hers first as I was out yesterday and phoned me in floods of tears - I must admit I was pretty upset too - I haven't spoken to my friend without kids or the bride I'm in shock!!! I told my mum who said she'd have my daughter (this would be for the weekend as its in a country hotel miles away and we've been booked in fri-sun we just assumed with a travel cot!!!) but that's not the point.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tackle it?

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 10/04/2016 22:19

Becciandbump said that children of the family were invited, and all babies under 1.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 22:22

She also said that her bridesmaid was bottle feeding her baby and she paid for a cottage so they could be close. So I would assume that baby didnt go to the wedding and would assume that baby was over 1.

It was a genuine questions as if it was cost then I would have thought the cottage was more.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2016 22:23

'When I got married I invited all children as I don't really get what the problem is with them. People mention 'not wanting screaming kids' but I have never known this to be the case. I must admit I was upset when my baby was excluded from weddings and we couldnt attend as a result. I didn't leave him overnight until he was 2.5 and certainly wouldn't have left him as a baby.'

I've seen a lot of screaming kids. I've known people who are surgically attached to their kids, again, their choice, but I avoid them entirely as everything has to be child-centred when you're with them and I find that tedious and annoying.

I don't have childcare, either, so couldn't attend a childfree wedding but certainly wouldn't take offense or be upset that my darlings weren't invited.

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Weddings
becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:25

My bridesmaids baby was 4 months not that it's any of your business

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:26

And the baby was sat on the front row in the church god u people are odd

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:31

I booked a cottage so she didn't have to travel far the morning of the wedding to get ready for the day she could keep nipping back to check on him. Yes it cost me but my friend is worth it!

Waltermittythesequel · 10/04/2016 22:34

becci she just asked a question.

If it's not her business, why post at all?

If you put something on a chat forum, people will occasionally ask you about it.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 22:36

So the bottlefed 4 month old wasn't invited to the wedding but all the breastfed under 1s were obviously invited.

That was a nice thing to do for your friend anyway.

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:40

I just don't see why because I said I'd invited my breastfeeding friends babies but s couple of people took so much of s dislike to what I'd written. Or start commenting that they assume I had done this or that or assume I wouldn't invite a bottle fed baby. I'm bound to feel a bit got at

Waltermittythesequel · 10/04/2016 22:44

Look, there's regularly robust discussion on here. It's par for the course.

I wouldn't take offence so easily or you'll be miserable.

FWIW, nobody was "getting at you", they were clarifying what you said. It happens.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 22:44

It was what you wrote,

We invited all babies under 1 as obviously they were breastfed.

It's not obvious at all!

Then you said your bridesmaid had a 4 month old who was bottlefed. That baby was in a cottage.

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:46

Honestly all the babies went to the wedding including the bottle fed one in fact when we were at the back of the church opening prosecco we were in the side room with the dad of my bridesmaid bottle feeding his baby. He made a quick exit mind I think he felt like he was in the way but he really wasn't! We told parents of young children to let them run around and be themselves at the church it made me smile seeing my nephew run up and down the wheelchair ramp. I think people just have to remember that every bride is different maybe this bride has a lot of friends with kids and it would be too hard to choose between them you can't possibly invite them all

dalmatianmad · 10/04/2016 22:48

We've recently had an invite to a child free wedding and I'm quite excited at the thought! I think most kids get bored at weddings, especially if they are there all day! You enjoy your child free weekend!

becciandbump · 10/04/2016 22:49

The wording of my answer was in response to my original suprise that the bride excluded a 5 month baby from a wedding the word obviously is just a word but it's obvious that a 5 month old baby may or may not be breastfeeding and therefore while this bride has chosen not to invite babies I didn't think I could possibly expect my friends with young children to leave their babies at home babies of that age need their mums

Therealloislane · 10/04/2016 22:50

I'm from N.I. and we don't usually invite children to all day weddings (unless nieces & nephews)

Eg: I got married four weeks after two of my family members had given birth. They were in the church, at the reception for photographs then two sets of grandparents picked the babies up & minded them.

Their elder siblings (aged from two til about 11) stayed & danced the night away.

But we wouldn't think of asking children of friends - and wouldn't dream of expecting an invite (unless family) where our children were included.

It's just not the done thing here.

Therealloislane · 10/04/2016 22:52

What I meant to say was that my four week old niece & nephew would've been more than welcome to stay all say but their parents chose to let grandparents mind them whilst they enjoyed time with their siblings.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 22:52

Woooow Becci, you've contradicted yourself more times than I can keep up with.

Anyway, it all seems very nice for you.

donajimena · 10/04/2016 22:52

I think the OP has gone to Maui with Haley..

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2016 22:56

You do realise that your children are not the centre of everyone's world don't you? And that child free weddings are very common. You've reacted like you've never heard of them before

LittleMisslovesspiders · 10/04/2016 23:12

I think the OP has gone to Maui with Haley

Grin
Primaryteach87 · 10/04/2016 23:13

I think given you are a bridesmaid and two of you have very young babies it is extremely odd not to tell you it was going to be child free. For many (most?) Mums of newborns they simply couldn't be a bridesmaid if their newborn couldn't. So you & your friend with a newborn should have been told upfront before you said yes to being bridesmaids.

I think you should send bride a message to say it came as a real shock and whilst you can make arrangements the other bridesmaid might well not be able to.

All really weird!!

gingercat02 · 11/04/2016 09:03

Thereallloislane maybe in your circle that's normal, but not in my NI experience. I've had only been to one child free/family kids only wedding in NI. I have nothing against them but def not the norm with my friends and family
OP is never coming back sadly. I want to know what happens Blush

RudyMentary · 11/04/2016 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjskelton · 11/04/2016 09:43

I hardly think I was being patronising. She's a bridesmaid with a newborn. The bride CLEARLY doesn't understand that the other girl needs to be with her baby.

Where was I being patronising?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/04/2016 10:02

Of course you were.

Children are not invited to the wedding - the bride doesn't need to think further than this.

And the other woman (presumably she's an adult so 'girl' is a little patronising too) may decide that she wish to be with her baby or she may get childcare - it's not the bride's problem, it's a decision for the child's mother to make.

And given how the bridesmaids are behaving, I wouldn't blame the bride for disinviting them both.