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Original poster

Wedding Invite but no kids!!!

192 replies

Bellabutterfly2016 · 10/04/2016 11:44

I think this is just weird;

My friend is getting married in June (we all went to uni together) - there was 4 of us really good friends we lived together for the entire 4 year course. 2 of us have kids, my dd is 5 months and one of the other girls has a newborn and 3 year old twins.

The bride has invited all of us as bridesmaids - we knew about this we've been shopping for dresses and shoes and the bride has paid for them no expense spared either!!!

Anyway I've already bought a dress for my dd and told our other friend with the baby and Twins (all girls) we ordered them all the same from NEXT so they'd look lovely on the photo's. We haven't told the bride as we thought it would be a nice surprise but the surprise was on us.......

Official invite yesterday came and said "sorry no kids"!!! My other friend with kids got hers first as I was out yesterday and phoned me in floods of tears - I must admit I was pretty upset too - I haven't spoken to my friend without kids or the bride I'm in shock!!! I told my mum who said she'd have my daughter (this would be for the weekend as its in a country hotel miles away and we've been booked in fri-sun we just assumed with a travel cot!!!) but that's not the point.

Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you tackle it?

OP posts:
CommanderShepherd · 10/04/2016 13:07

I detest weddings with small children, I was always upfront that there would be no children at my wedding, I would call to clarify incase she's ok with you bringing yours, but she should have told you when she asked you to be a bridesmaid.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 10/04/2016 13:09

Are you breastfeeding? Most child free weddings will allow breastfed babies. If not I'd take your mum up on her offer and go along and enjoy yourself!

LittleNelle · 10/04/2016 13:15

Waltermitty - Bridesmaids are usually obliged to attend!

Very silly of the bride to spring this on bridesmaids now as presumably she does care very much about whether they go.

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Weddings
Waltermittythesequel · 10/04/2016 13:21

Only if they chose to continue being bridesmaid.

Heatherbell1978 · 10/04/2016 13:21

I had a child free wedding 3 years ago. Can't think of anything worse than saying my vows with a kid screaming in the background. I have an 18m old btw now and hold exactly the same opinion. But.....2 girls who are close friends with DH had young babies at the time and were breastfeeding so we knew it was hard for them so we 'invited' the babies but were clear they weren't allow in for the ceremony. They girls both brought their parents along who we invited to the day as well so they did have childcare. Yes, it can be hard if you don't have access to childcare but sorry, it's the brides day and whatever she says goes!

Northernlurker · 10/04/2016 13:23

The Op's baby is 5 moths in April so will be no more than 7 months in June. Not 10-11 months Hmm

Stillunexpected · 10/04/2016 13:27

The only weird thing about this is that your friend is in floods of tears about this situation. Childfree weddings are very normal, not everyone likes them, but lots of people equally do. Your mistake was assuming that children would be invited. I also think the bride won't care about your children all being dressed alike although you run the risk that she may notice and think you are trying to pretend that your children are somehow part of the wedding party.

Sistersweet · 10/04/2016 13:30

I honestly can't believe you assumed that your child would be invited. Take your mum up on her offer and enjoy yourself. I always assume a wedding is child free bar the children of immediate family e.g siblings

WipsGlitter · 10/04/2016 13:31

Dressing them in the same stuff is a very, very bad idea. It's like you're trying to force them into being part of the wedding party and be in the photos. Essentially making them flower girls when the bride obviously didn't want them to be that.

Lunar1 · 10/04/2016 13:37

I wouldn't have left my children at that age so I'd be sending a reply ASAP saying I was sorry but wouldn't be able to be a bridesmaid. She should have told you her plans for child free before dress shopping.

Lunar1 · 10/04/2016 13:40

You friend is allowed to be in floods of tears, she has a newborn and young twins. People are being a bit harsh criticising her, she'd probably sleep deprived and not at the right time in her life to think about child free events.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 10/04/2016 13:41

Can't imagine why you thought having matching dresses for your children would be remotely exciting for the bride - it really does suggest you don't have a proper sense of proportion as to the interest other people have in your children

Exactly.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2016 13:47

Some people without kids don't understand or consider what it is like to have kids

Meh - why should they? It's their day, it's not compulsory for guests to attend.

Do you think the bride may have heard that you were dressing your kids the same? I still can't believe how anyone would think that was a good idea! I don't have any patience with bridezilla types but I would imagine she would have been pretty pissed off at your 'surprise' - people would assume they are part of the wedding party.

PurpleDaisies · 10/04/2016 13:47

Non parents have a completely different view of children and parents have a completely different view of those own vs other people's.

It is so lazy to assume that it's always non-parents who are in favour of child free weddings. My sister had kids when she married and had a child free wedding (apart from her daughter). We didn't and had loads of kids there. Many parents on here have said they would happily attend child free weddings. Please stop implying non-parents have absolutely no idea what it's like having a child.

unimagimative13 · 10/04/2016 13:48

Does the bride have children?

Something they don't think of issues such as BF. Most brides don't see issues in leaving children - myself included. I now have a DS so see some more challenges but you shouldn't have assumed DC would be invited.

Also you've kinda of made your children like little matching flower girls with our telling the bride? This is weird.

You just seem like those sorts of people that think everything centres round your children. Brides don't tend to see it like that. Go to the wedding and enjoy it.

Ouriana · 10/04/2016 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2016 13:57

So now she has a choice of let down a good friend by not attending which will no doubt piss the bride off or leave her newborn for a whole weekend.

Or, she could talk to the bride.

Wheelerdeeler · 10/04/2016 13:58

You need to realise that your child is the centre of your universe not anyone else's.

The cheek of you buying the kids matching dresses. I can't get over how you think it would be ok to surprise the bride with 3 flowergirls

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2016 14:02

Just because the bride hasn't got kids, that doesn't mean she is totally unaware that they have to be fed!

I think the poor mare has probably dodged a bullet now that she has avoided her 'surprise'.

If you do decide to go, and even if you can take your children I hope you will re-think the matching outfits.

YesThisIsMe · 10/04/2016 14:03

I agree that the friend's tears are understandable. She's probably been looking forward to being a bridesmaid for ages, the bride has shelled out for the dress and will presumably be furious if she backs out. If the baby is new born now it will be 3/4 months at the wedding which is a really big ask for babysitting if she's BF. Let's face it, when my babies were newborn a dropped coffee cup or not getting home in time to watch Doctor Who could prompt huge floods of tears let alone an actually difficult emotional choice.

exLtEveDallas · 10/04/2016 14:05

Oh dear. Well I suppose it's easily sorted, you and your friend just need to respectfully decline the invite.

It's a shame if you were looking forward to being a bridesmaid, but it was a bit daft of the bride not to have told you this in the first place (personally I think the invites have gone out really late as well - most weddings I've been to have had at least 6 months notice).

Bride isn't BU to want a child free wedding, but has to accept that a number of guests won't attend without them. As long as neither party get narky with the other it should be fine.

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 14:08

I don't get why you buying your child a dress from Next was "a surprise on us!" Were you told she was a flower girl and you were trying to save the bride some expense of getting her a dress?

gingercat02 · 10/04/2016 14:08

You have childcare, your dd will be nearly 1. Leave her with your parents and have fun. Other BM will have to decide whether to go or not. You're biggest problem was dressing them all the same. Totally out of order to sneak them into the wedding party as "a lovely surprise". Bet the bride would have been surprised not in a good way

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 14:20

And FWIW I don't blame anyone for having a child free wedding. The last wedding I went to was not child free and the vows ended up being painful as there was screeching and screaming throughout. Some parents can't tear their attention away from their DC when they're around and expect everyone else to fuss over them as if it's the first time anyone has ever seen a small child.

The weird non surprise of co-ordinating children's outfits makes me seriously question your perspective. NO-ONE would consider that a gift to the bride. It's so so weird. Just take your mum up on the babysitting offer and get on with your life!

Doilooklikeatourist · 10/04/2016 14:20

I think the bride was a bit daft to just assume her bridesmaids would happily leave their babies behind for a weekend ( she should have checked before buying the dresses )

Going against the grain here , but I think it's quite sweet that the little girls would all be dressed alike , and a photo of the bridesmaids with their children would be a lovely idea ( for the bridesmaids , not one for the bride to frame and put on her wall 😄)

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