Eating Disorder Recovery

[OhIFellOff]

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

Hi Beatrice x

It's great to see we have been chatting so much to get to 500 posts. I really appreciate having you all to talk to, it helps me a lot!

jokers I can imagine the news from your cousin is quite stressful to hear. Is anyone in the family aware of your twins now? It must feel hard to hold your emotions in and try show happiness for her.
Roll on the end of june when DP is back with you. The sacrifices we have to make for extras can really be a downer can't they. Although you sound upbeat about the trip at the end of it, which is a good way to get through.
a reduction in your woking hours sounds like a great break for you, without being out of work completely. Time to find you again.

No one else other than dp and myself know about the twins. Or any of the others. Only the little one who made it past the 12Weeks scan was "announced".

It's undstandble jokers. In that case I hope that your family are one of natural quietness, so you're only hearing what you can cope with. You can always sound on here or pm if you need us.x

Thanks, you're all wonderful x I'd be really lost without you x

Anyone else struggling with the "get bikini body ready" attitude that's in the media?

Yes me! It will take a lot longer than 6 weeks to get me ready for a bikini.

All the pressure isn't fair.
I can handle the rise in waxing adverts; hair, fake tan and nail treatments ads but the constant weight loss drive is getting to me.

I guess we just have to think that those ads are aimed at pushing up sales of items. I'm not going to be thin or even slim on holiday in July. but as much as I will battle to keep negative thoughts away, I will do my hardest to keep my head up and enjoy my time away. If I was hit by a truck tomorrow those days with my family are what I'd miss. Would I wish I'd put more sticky goo on my spiders and pulled the buggers off into a neater shape, changed my skin colour before I got there, as deathly white isn't 'on trend' or pushed myself into misery and blown recovery, so I could sit down accepted by people more obsessed with looks than happiness......nope will I bollocks. So getting my strong head on I prefer to stick with Baz Luhrmann's wise words (sunscreen) and keep plodding on with my occasionally flawed but steady recovery. So that this time next year I won't be excited to be a smaller size or all the things I've wanted in the past. I will be happy if I'm recovered enough for food to not be a constant presence in my thoughts, especially on down days. So on that note fuck the bikini ready diet bollocks we've got this and are doing it the hard way but the right way....onto healthiness, not led by media lies

I agreed!......I'll carry on waxing my bikini line as in half done though.....would look strange if I left it half done!!!

good point jokers. Can you imagine...walking along the beach, confidently striding, peoplw looking at you thinking, wow she's happy...but omg what is that poking out of her fab knickers?! omg it's a half done bikini line calm as anything you simply state 'ah bless you, you still think whipping it all off is 'in' that is sooo 2013! swing your confident head round and stride off

I blogged about bikini body bollocks a few weeks ago...IMHO the ridiculous truth is, hardly anyone feels comfortable in a bikini, no matter what their size. It's a shame when you think about how much time, thought and energy we waste on agonising over our 'imperfections', and most people won't notice them anyway, they are either too busy thinking about their own body or yours really aren't a big deal!

Haha half on half off is sooooo in right now! Like that trend when you shave half your head and have the other half long, its travelled down the body!
You heard it here first ladies! I've started a trend!

:'D
Sleep I'm starting to feel the same. I've wasted so many years on wanting to fit others ideal. I had another trip the plus size store yesterday. I'm really loving cloths shopping (bank balance isn't so much) I still want to be healthier and that means weighy loss but it's just factual now. There will be days where I succumb to feeling crap about how I look but that's normal. I started wearing dresses and they look better, so I feel better. on the hunt for a pretty and practical bikini, something retro to flatter my shape. most importantly I will do my best to focus on family time and being happy around my kids. kind of like swapping a vicious circle for a positive one . plus got a job interview soon keep your fingers crossed ladies!
now I just need to get this positive thinking to dampen my anxiety and depression enough to get back in busy mode and off food. Working on it but getting out of this dip in progress is proving very hard!x

jokers don't forget us when your called to strut your stuff on TV and in mags you can drop I some 'stop this bikini ready diet bollocks' too

Fighting you are right, everyone has days where they don't feel great about their appearance, accepting that as a part of life is much healthier than aiming to feel gorgeous all the time! Just like we need to accept feeling sad or irritable or anxious as much as happy . It all comes and goes

You are doing well fighting

I never take much notice of bigger people yet I seem to think everyone looks at me and thinks bad things. I tend to notice slim people more as I want to be like that. I know I don't want to be thin. If I see someone who is very thin I don't want to be like that which is good. I guess we all just want to live a normal life not feeling self conscious.

I got some new holiday clothes yesterday. I didn't have many and knew I would feel even more self conscious wearing the same thing so I am happier now I have more to wear. I am hoping I can take tomorrow off so I can get everything done before we leave on Wednesday.

Thanks purple. Glad you have more clothes, its always nice to have a few options.x

Hi girls. Im off on holiday tomorrow for 2 weeks so won't be on here. Kind of nervous about my holiday - the agony of being self conscious in a swimsuit. But I am going to try and remember that I will get there, even if it's a long road.

Anyway, I hope you all have a good couple of weeks. Will be back on here when I get back. X

Have a great time!x

Have a wonderful time relax and be happy x

Thank you. A tan always helps. Have just been looking at the weather there. It's going to be very hot.

Ooooohhhhhh im green with envy. I love the heat
But i'm sure even if the weather was crap you'd have a great time. You seem like the sort of person who looks for the good in situations

Have a lovely time Purple!

Running are you still around? How are you doing? And what about you Jokers, how are you feeling and eating atm?

Feeling ok-ish, not as bad as I was just after the MC but could be better. I've fallen into my old habit of using filter coffee for energy. But I an at.least puttinr milk in which I didn't used to do.
My dance class has started again which is a massive help. So I just do yoga and dance each day. Its good as both have a beginning, middle and end rather than, say running, which can just be of indefinite length.
Still hard though