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Original poster

DH drinks & drives - should I whistle blow?

214 replies

abbdabb · 11/10/2011 21:38

... and if I do, can it be anonymous?

Don't know what to do, how much is too much?

DH can drink a large amount & not appear to be drunk. he then drives. I have told him he should take a taxi, he tells me he is OK to drive because he has had something to eat.

What are the limits? I, personally would not drive after having ANY alcohol - maybe I'm being a bit anal about the whole thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:01

slarty - why would I want to report him? to lose his licence, to get a fine - no, hadn't thought about that - to save a life/lives.

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 11/10/2011 22:03

would he lose his job, if he has one, if he lost his license?

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:03

If you do report him and he's caught then it may have a serious knock on impact- how will he get to work? Will a criminal record affect his job? Try and get him to see sense first, but if he won't, quickly, then as I think you know, you don't have much choice.

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Driving & parking
LadyDamerel · 11/10/2011 22:04

We had this issue with a neighbour and I spoke to the local policeman. He said I basically had 2 options:

One was to ring 999 if we actually saw him driving and knew him to be drunk. We could have done that anonymously.

The other was to report him if we saw him arrive home in his car, drunk and they would come and breathalyse him at home. However, we would have had to give a witness report and possibly go to court to give evidence if we'd done that.

thisisyesterday · 11/10/2011 22:06

so slarty, if your kids were hit and killed by a drunk driver and that person's wife said "oh yes, i knew he was out drunk, i DID talk to him about it"

that wouldn't bother you? you'd just shrug and say "ho hum, nothing anyone could have done about it"

ffs, this man is risking people's LIVES and you're more worried about whether he'll get a fine or lose his bloody job??? he deserves to!

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:10

am speed reading replies.

ok ...

A long time ago i raised this issue, we bought some kind of alcohol reading device - it always said it was too high, DH said it must be faulty. I have to admit, it did come up with a high reading after one glass of wine. So it was thrown away & forgotten about.

We haves Dcs - the oldest in his 20s (mine from prev marriage) will not get in a car with DH if he has been drinking. The youngest are 7yo & baby.

OP posts:
mrsm123 · 11/10/2011 22:13

oh my god!! what a selfish person he is!! sorry if this upsets you but that is awful! you have to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does that again you will call the police on him. that way you are letting him know the score and he knows the consequences. he could kill someone! no way. i love my husband and id be doing him a favour by calling police, if he ignored my threat several times. plus, whats the big deal? he can drink but just get a bloody taxi like everyone else?? is that half bottle so necessary he breaks the law and doesnt think of other innocent passers by or drivers? doe she have a drink problem? they are always in denial.

take care abbdabb. and get him told. good luck. x

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:14

would he lose his job - I hadn'e thought about that ...

would someone lose their life?? - that's what's on my mind

OP posts:
hellhasnofury · 11/10/2011 22:19

I'd have to report him. I reported my BIL years ago for driving under the influence, all the talking to him in the world wouldn't make him see sense and I didn't want anyone's life on my conscience. I just called the local police station and gave his registration plate and where he was going from and to.

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:19

It's not half the bottle that I'm concerned about.

Since I raised my concerns I suspect that he is now drinking in secret. It starts at midday - by 7pm he has consumed a bottle, then drives home.

what do I do?

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 11/10/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:22

We can't tell you what to do. Do you want to give him a last chance to sort it?

chrispackhamslovebunny · 11/10/2011 22:25

you are fucking cracked if you allow this to continue. im goiing to say no more or i will get myself banned.

Bossybritches22 · 11/10/2011 22:27

Forget "someone" abbdabb....FFS it's you & the DC's the selfish sod should be thinking about!!

Not easy to tackle but neither is knowing you've killed your own children

(sorry to be blunt but he needs to be shocked)

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:29

Look making the op feel even worse won't help, she knows she has to do something and is obviously trying to work out what to do for the best. She wouldn't have asked the question otherwise, she just needs to get her head straight on the options.

Bossybritches22 · 11/10/2011 22:29

OK x-posted. So he is not a heavy drinker he is an alcoholic.

Drinking from lunchtime till 7pm will be more than one bottle & then driving is madness.

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:30

I think, I have to report him.

He thinks he is above the law. He has been stopped before, breathaliser said over the limit, but after he had been to the station (& had a lot of water to drink in the station loos) he was OK.

I feel really shit about this, but I have been in the car when he has been driving & I know his reactions have been slower, he hasn't seen things, pulled out in front of other cars. I know that can happen when not drinking. Don't know what to do

he will know it is me.

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 11/10/2011 22:30

Jade I know- abddabb I'm not getting at you just furious that your not-so DH is putting you in this awful predicament.

chippy47 · 11/10/2011 22:30

He is an arrogant prick. And if he starts drinking at 12 everyday then I suggest he may have a problem. What job does he do to get away with that behaviour? A judge?
Hope you do not live near me. Even when under the limit reaction times are slower than when clean.
And to reinforce the point- food does not lower alcohol levels. Fact.

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:32

abdab, drinking water would have made no difference.

He will NOT know it is you, that is not how the police will work it.

Please, please refuse to get in the car again, or let the kids in, when he has had more than 1 glass.

MidsomerM · 11/10/2011 22:32

He starts drinking at midday? When he's at work? Does he have a drink problem? I would definitely shop him. He's going to kill somebody one day.

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:33

Just to be clear, if you report this, the police will take the car details and details of trips he usually makes. They will put a marker on the car and he will be stopped on some pretext (light out, erratic driving, random check, speed) and breathalysed. He will never know you rang them.

slartybartfast · 11/10/2011 22:34

just trying to give a different perspective. but op seems - by her disagreeing with me - to have made up her mind.

seems though it is a bigger issue than drink driving.

hellhasnofury · 11/10/2011 22:34

No he won't know it's you. The police do random stops all the time, they'll pull him over without saying you've contacted them.

You have to do this. Better a licence lost than a life.

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:34

??Bossy - do you think he is an alcoholic? I am trying to educate myself. What is an alcoholic? the lines are blurred when I look it up. I have looked on line. the definition seems to change.

He seems to have a HUGE capacity for alcohol.

Help!!

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