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Original poster

DH drinks & drives - should I whistle blow?

214 replies

abbdabb · 11/10/2011 21:38

... and if I do, can it be anonymous?

Don't know what to do, how much is too much?

DH can drink a large amount & not appear to be drunk. he then drives. I have told him he should take a taxi, he tells me he is OK to drive because he has had something to eat.

What are the limits? I, personally would not drive after having ANY alcohol - maybe I'm being a bit anal about the whole thing?

OP posts:
AnyPhantomFucker · 12/10/2011 00:00

oo thanks jade, have some Thanks too

and a Brew

but no Wine if you are driving...

Original poster
abbdabb · 12/10/2011 00:00

OK, didn't mean to start a bun fight,

If, I think he is over the 'limit' & drives & I phone local police number - what happens next? it is a 5 min drive from my house to his. do they stop him on the way, or knock on his door??

I know that i personally can't control what he does, but I want him to be stopped, to never drink & drive, to never be in a situation in which he could kill someone. Not because I feel for him, but because of the person on the receiving end of it.. because there will be someone, one day.

OP posts:
AnyPhantomFucker · 12/10/2011 00:01

I hope OP is OK, and that this thread has strengthened her resolve to sort this out

FWIW, I think she has many more issues with her relationship than just the drink-driving (which is bad enough...)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Driving & parking
electra · 12/10/2011 00:01

Good luck abbdabb

AnyPhantomFucker · 12/10/2011 00:02

oops X posted

yes, do what you said

please...for everyone's sake... including his own

GypsyMoth · 12/10/2011 00:04

So you don't live in the same house?

jade80 · 12/10/2011 00:05

Lol thanks. have had quite enough Wine so will accept the Brew gratefully!

Abdab, i think what they do will depend what staff they have available... we can't really say. Just phone them, tell the the details and where he usually goes. They may not pick him up today, but they will soon.

Original poster
abbdabb · 12/10/2011 00:11

So,

I phone the police, he's stopped, breathalised, goes to police station, & does what happened last time - asks to go to the toilet, drinks lots of water, gets breathalised again & then released as not over the limit.

tiffany - no, we don't live in the same house.

OP posts:
jade80 · 12/10/2011 00:13

Look, that will only happen if he is a tiny amount over the limit. The water made no difference- the time until breathalising did. If he's lots over, half an hour and loads of water will make no difference. At the very least it may make him think he was bloody lucky and needs to be more careful now he's been pulled over twice.

MysteriousHamster · 12/10/2011 00:14

Phone for a chat in advance, then ask them if you can ring next time he's driving after having a few.

Best of luck. It really does need to be reported, for his own sake as well as everone else's.

jade80 · 12/10/2011 00:14

Plus, once they've put the marker on his car they will proably not just stop him once, especially if he is near the limit the first time they pull him.

AnyPhantomFucker · 12/10/2011 00:19

off to bed now..all the best abb and well done you for coming to this difficult decision x

Planetofthegrapes · 12/10/2011 01:49

Maybe you should tell them that he's been stopped before and drank copious amounts of water in the police toilet.

Good luck.

KatharineClifton · 12/10/2011 03:33

My mother called police numerous times to report my drink driving father. They never did anything and he was never caught. Her calls were written off. If what is said about markers etc. above is the case now then I am very glad. I don't understand why anybody would have to think twice about reporting.

CowboysGal · 12/10/2011 04:10

Glad you've decided to report him abbdabb Do it everytime you suspect he's drink driving. The ignorant, selfish, stupid, drunken bastard man who ploughed into me and my 3 young children got out of his half crushed car and said he hadn't drank when confronted. Turns out he'd had a couple of glasses of wine. He lost his licence,for a short while. My DS wet the bed and had nightmares for almost a year. I had panic attacks for a few months. Cannot bear people who think it is acceptable to drink and drive. It is all of our responsibility to report if we are pretty sure drink driving is occurring. Those posters who seem to genuinely think the priority here is the drunk drivers licence or job need a serious rethink

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 12/10/2011 05:05

Abbdabb, I remember you, I think - forgive me if I've mixed you up, but do you have a very unusual set-up whereby he lives elsewhere, and you live with the children, and you've posted before about how incredibly unequal this relationship feels and how he's (almost) convinced you it's normal?

It's just that...I can't see why on earth you're married to this man! If he's telling you about a bottle of wine, it's almost certainly a LOT more (I think the norm for GPs, when a patient confesses alcohol abuse, is to automatically double the amount? Or triple. Anyway, the point being that people minimise). But really that's not the issue. The issue is that you're married to a selfish bully who tells you that you're mentally ill if you express concern about your own children's safety.

Why would you be with someone like this? And who is much much worse, if I do have the right poster?

Bossybritches22 · 12/10/2011 08:19

Tortoiseshell- me too, this is starting to sound VERY familiar.

I felt a bit groundhog day-ish last night. I'm sure Abbdabb you have posted about this for several years now. (forgive me if it's just a similar scenario, but your unusual set-up isn't that common.)

Not saying it's not a real problem but obviously you aren't any further forward with freeing yourself from this man.

Please get some support & help to stand up to him for your children's sake.

Most women would kill to protect their kids when their lives are endangered, so making a few calls should be do-able (not saying easy )

Rivenwithoutabingle · 12/10/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notcitrus · 12/10/2011 09:20

Haven't seen anyone mention sources of support for the OP in dealing with her husband's alcohol issues -
www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ provides help for anyone affected by another person's drinking, and may be able to provide more advice on dealing with the police or doctors.

OP - please give his details to the police, assuming you aren't in a position to hide his car keys, and strongly consider what you are actually getting out of your relationship with him. Best wishes.

BikeRunSki · 12/10/2011 09:25

NotCitrus I linked to Al-Anon last night. Hope OP sees one of our posts.

Original poster
abbdabb · 12/10/2011 09:26

tortoise - yes, we have an unusual home set up.

I have raised this issue with DH many times. I'm phoning the police.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 12/10/2011 09:33

Abbdabb, there are so many huge warning signs about your DH's drinking habits that they are unignorable.

  1. This is a long-standing problem.
  2. He starts drinking at midday.
  3. He drinks every day.
  4. He drinks at least a bottle of wine a day.
  5. He habitually drinks and drives.
  6. An alcohol reading device gave high readings.
  7. He refuses to talk about his drinking.
  8. He had to have a drink, from the bottle, while on a train with children.

And that's just the stuff you've said here. I imagine there's a lot more as well.

I would bet a lot of money that he is never properly sobering up before he's drinking again. He's keeping himself permanently "topped up" with booze. I suspect that you probably haven't seen him truly properly sober for years.

You are married to an alcoholic. Alcohol is more important to him than you, your children, or anyone else. Luckily one of your children is smart enough to refuse to get in a car with him when he's been drinking. I'd very strongly recommend you do the same. But I do get the sense that you are scared of his reaction if you cast light on his drinking. I can understand that. I have also been in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic. I know how scary it can be. Is there any chance you could get some one-to-one counselling? It helped me lots.

You are also married to a criminal who, purely by luck, has not yet been caught. He is, in every sense, an accident waiting to happen.

Please talk to the police on the non-emergency number and ask their advice about what you should do.

FrightNight · 12/10/2011 09:34

Thank you OP. Good luck.

BikeRunSki · 12/10/2011 09:37

Hi abbdabb How are you? Did you sleep OK?
I honestly think that there are bigger drinking issues here than drink driving. Once you've spoken to the Police, ring Al-Anon too, they will provide you with the support and help you need.

Well done for accepting that there is a problem.

Al-Anon 0207 403 0888

EightiesChick · 12/10/2011 09:40

Yes, report him. And do not let the kids travel in the car with him, given that you can't trust him to be driving sober.