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Original poster

DH drinks & drives - should I whistle blow?

214 replies

abbdabb · 11/10/2011 21:38

... and if I do, can it be anonymous?

Don't know what to do, how much is too much?

DH can drink a large amount & not appear to be drunk. he then drives. I have told him he should take a taxi, he tells me he is OK to drive because he has had something to eat.

What are the limits? I, personally would not drive after having ANY alcohol - maybe I'm being a bit anal about the whole thing?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 11/10/2011 22:34

A collegue was hit by a drunk driver 2 years ago. My collegue was a 40 something profesional, with a 3 yo and a 6 yo.
He is still alive.
He is brain damaged, and will never work again. He can sometimes walk, but won't ever race a cycle, hill walk or play squash - which is what he used to love.
On a good day he can read his kids a bedtime story.
As well as the physical damage, he is clinically depressed.

Would you like me to put you in touch with his wife? She's a lovely lady.

MrsApplepants · 11/10/2011 22:36

Personally I would divorce someone who did this. Drinking and driving is utterly despicable. There's no excuse. Ever.

My dear friend was cycling and was killed by a drink driver and died horrifically (aged just 26) It ruined so many lives, forever. I also think that the sentences given for drink driver who cause death should be akin to that for manslaughter.

jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:36

Yes slarty, it seems like he has an alcohol problem. There is just a chance that being arrested for drink driving might lead to him seeking help for this. If not, it's another issue for OP to deal with, after this more immediately pressing one. There is also a chance that losing his licence may lead to more excessive drinking as he won't be driving (lost licence) so won't need to be 'sober'.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Driving & parking
jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:37

abdab, I think the best way to see if he's alcohol dependant is to think, what would he be like with NO access to alcohol?

faverolles · 11/10/2011 22:38

Do you know the times he is likely to be driving, and where?
I would be tempted to make an anonymous call saying you've seen a car driving erratically and give them the make and the registration number.

A friend of the family was killed by a drink driver on Christmas Eve a few years ago.
Could your Dh live with the guilt of that?

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:38

yes, slarty - bigger issues. appreciate your reply though.

OP posts:
jade80 · 11/10/2011 22:38

Abdab, would you consider giving someone else the details and them reporting for you? Trusted friend or family?

AnnieLobeseder · 11/10/2011 22:39

First I would report him.

Then I would leave him.

I would not spend my life with man who thinks his enjoyment of a drink and convenience in getting home is more important than the lives of other people.

He's a selfish fucker.

And/or an alcoholic. Does he admit he has a problem?

How does he behave in other aspects of his life? Is he so selfish in other things?

The bottom line is, how would you feel if he killed someone and you had stood by and done nothing.

Rivenwithoutabingle · 11/10/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 11/10/2011 22:41

An alcoholic is someone who is powerless enough over alcohol for it to rule their life, and to ignore social norms.

Starting to drink at mid day and carrying on all day, everyday is not socially acceptable or normal.
Denying that drinking and driving is a problem is not socially acceptable or normal.

I am the child of an alcoholic. I would say that your DH has a problem, sorry.

I'd advise talking to someone at Al-Anon. Please. It may come to nothing, but you sound so worried and there is a lot on the line.

MidsomerM · 11/10/2011 22:42

Does he work? what does he do that enables him to drink all afternoon? It certainly sounds like he has a drink problem to me. The drink driving is a symptom of an underlying problem.

mrsm123 · 11/10/2011 22:43

please get your husband off the roads, i have 3 lovely children.

and yes, i think he has a drink problem, not a full blown alcoholic yet, but if hes drinking all day now, give it a few years and the brain will be pickled and personality changes and then youve really lost the love of your life.
nip it in the bud.
go onto AA website and read the chapters of the little black book i think its called? frighteningly accurate of an alcoholic. theres a great chapter for wives of problem drinkers.

x

pithtaker · 11/10/2011 22:44

Please do this. I reported a serial drink driver from the pub I worked

in,despite my boss telling me to ignore it.

He was met at the end of the road, breath tested, and subsequently

arrested. He arrived on foot from that day on. It works.Smile

incognitofornow · 11/10/2011 22:45

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Fizzylemonade · 11/10/2011 22:48

If he drinks in a particular place then the police can lie in wait for him to get into his car and pull him over.

I would ring the police and ask their advice on how to do it so he doesn't know it is you.

incognitofornow · 11/10/2011 22:48

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MysteriousHamster · 11/10/2011 22:50

You need to report him and you need to do it the very next time he has a drink even if it is tonight.

This man is an accident waiting to happen. A cliche perhaps, but true. He will kill someone - that someone could even be you. Where do you live? One of us reading this could be killed.

He has to learn he can't do this. Someone could die tomorrow and though he is the responsible party you will always be wondering if you could have stopped it.

I feel quite cold at the thought of this man drinking from midday and then deciding he can drive because he doesn't feel drunk.

Drink affects judgement. Whatever he thinks, he will not be capable of driving safely.

On the radio today it said a six-year-old boy had been knocked down and killed by a hit-and-run driver. Do you want that to be your husband? Reporting him will protect him and save lives. There is no downside.

Please, please, report him.

Bossybritches22 · 11/10/2011 22:50

Abbdabb- the thing about alcohol is that even if the drinker does not appear drunk, the alcohol affects the awareness & perception of how they are reacting. So they THINK they are OK when they are not. If he drinks from lunchtime till 7pm regardless of whether he is an alcoholic or not it is too much.

Driving whilst under the influence is no better than going out with a weapon in your hand.

For your DC's sake as well as yours (AND your DH if you love him) give him the wake up call he needs.

FunnysInTheGarden · 11/10/2011 22:54

just to get this straight, we are talking 2 glasses of wine with a meal? Really? Divorce him, gets him a criminal record etc? Talk about over reaction

incognitofornow · 11/10/2011 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:55

sorry, don't want to seem ignorant. I need to read your replies & digest properly.

I really don't know what to do.

my instincts say report him, regardless of the consequences.

my instincts are coming from a mum of 4 DCs - that's my priority.

What do I do?

that sounds crap & pathetic.

OK, a bottle of red (btwn 12 & 7pm)= 10 units, 2 meals ... is that over the limit? who do I phone? the local police station when he leaves to go home? obviously not 999, give his reg no - the drive is only 5mins - do I say he does it regularly?? what happens if he isn't over the limit?Phone every time???? I know when he gets home he drinks. He has a very distinctive car/number plate.

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 11/10/2011 22:55

Whoa Funnys...read the whole thread!

incognitofornow · 11/10/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
abbdabb · 11/10/2011 22:56

funny - do you think I am over reacting?

I really don't know what to do

OP posts:
lovingthecoast · 11/10/2011 22:57

My beautiful mother was killed by a drunk driver whilst standing on the pavement. I am bringing up 4 children without a granny because of a man just like your husband. Two of my children never even got to meet her.
I love my husband dearly but would leave him without hesitation if he ever got behind the wheel of a car after drinking.

How would you feel if this was your neighbour's wife and he came home drunk one evening and mowed down one of your children who lay there under the wheel, conscious but in agony;screaming for you to help them and all you could do was watch them die whilst the neighbour's wife wondered if she should have reported her drunken wanker of a husband?

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