I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

I’m 60 and me and my husband still fancy the pants off each other.
Do you and your husband still fancy each other?

When you talk about ‘difficult conversations’, do you mean conversations around jealousy in order to fix any insecurities?

You’ve missed the crucial question from a PP: do you have pampas grass in your front garden??

I'm happy to be proven otherwise, but I think most people would baulk at the thought of being a prostitute.

What site do you prefer fab or swinghub??

im not a fan of swinghub my self but fab is also dier 🤣

ive been on the scene for 17 years more a stag and vixen dynamic. But I have started a blog about balancing normal life and swinger life if anyone is interested in reading it

So you’ve been doing this since your mid 20s and within a year of meeting your husband, whose raised it first?

I have a family member that has something going with a married couple .
He lives with them for about 3 months at a time a few times a year and then for the odd long weekend . He's been away with the woman on holiday and also days out / dates but I have no idea if he is involved sexually with the husband as well .
It has been going on for a few years and as far as I know , they have no plan to stop .

Is that something you would ever contemplate , and if not, why not ?

I’m another who hasn’t ever been attracted to many people. I find it very hard to believe that swingers find so many people they actually want to shag.

As time goes on, does your bar go lower OP?

What do you think the misconceptions are?

A mere 12 months in to your marriage @AMA097155 ??

Why so

My parents were swingers, i genuinely think it has deeply affected me in such a negative way; even though they think they kept it from me (not in the home etc)

just a warning, no matter how well you think you’re hiding this from them, they will eventually find out and no matter what approach you take, it will be confusing at best, and most likely, disturbing and uncomfortable for them.

Did I say discuss? I said tell - not the same thing at all.
Also…… kids are necessarily toddlers or primary school aged kids.
My kids are in their 20s. Sex as a concept (biology) and as an act has been mentioned/talked about and to some extent discussed.
Regarding parents, yup I’ve done that too “I’m pregnant!” Or more recently the fact I’ve been single for years and might want to find someone…….. details not required but yes if I had a partner my parents would be aware whether or not we were having sex - based on the obvious fact of whoever it is staying overnight/moving in together.
If swinging is nothing to be ashamed of of why not mention it?

I was thinking the same thing! 🤣 Still, I'd rather be thought of as a right go-er than at home with my knitting and my rocking chair!

People are so quick to tell the OP she’s traumatised, shallow and has a crap marriage and sex life. Is it that hard to believe that there’s more than one way to be happy in a relationship? (I don’t swing.)

How did you find out?

I've not time to read every post but your first one suggests it's more an open marriage.

I thought swingers were where married couple/ couples threw their car keys onto the coffee table and whichever they those was their sexual partner for the night. Nope?

It sounds as if you have sex with whoever you fancy and your H is just a bystander, letting you do whatever you want.

Do you attend orgies?

I enjoy the community, I enjoy the freedom (from normal/vanilla life), I enjoy the feeling of belonging, I enjoy that it's (mostly) non judgemental,

But the same would apply to a choir, book club, knitting club, tennis club.

I enjoy that it's something that's just ours (me and my husband)

It's not though.
Your body is being shared with many other men.
It's hardly just you and your H.

But solid could also be seen as 'not at all arsed' and not really into being married, picking and choosing the bits you want, which doesn't include fidelity.

Do you know you can now get doxy prep? Syphlis is rife at the moment in the swinging/sex working scene.
My ex gave me an std from secretly participating in both of these things.
Syphlis can be passed through kissing, unprotected oral both ways and some skin to skin sex if ulcers present(are often small to see). It is not something to be flippant about

What initially appealed to you about it? Do you have any trauma in your past? I remember watching a documentary following some couples into swinging and dogging and all the women had some kind of trauma - eating disorder or one had an abusive Dad I think

I get regularly tested. I also use condoms. So no. (Although I'm not blind to risk, there's always risk but the most risk is when you don't test regularly)

No, the biggest risk is the actual number of sexual partners.
Surely you know that?

Testing is not prevention for STIs!

Fucking hell, the misogyny in these comments is horrifying.

You know it's perfectly possible to say 'swinging isn't for me, I'd really hate it' without implying (or even outright stating) that OP is disease-ridden, a sex worker, degraded, an object, used goods or desperate for male approval. These judgments say absolutely nothing about OP and a lot about your attitude to a woman enjoying consensual, safe sex in a manner she happens to enjoy.

It's a debate and anyone who starts a thread about being a swinger can expect a wide range of comments.

Just like the poster a few days ago who said she was a sex worker.

Misogyny? Would the answers be different if it was a man posting this?

If you don't like to read any critical comments, move away and ignore the thread.