I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

I've no idea but I'm sure she will be along in a minute to shout at you for asking!

Och yes I bet you can't wait to hear details of how she fucks men with her husband sitting watching. Or how he fucks people at parties because that's the lifestyle SHE wants.

Bore off

Obviously this thread has touched a nerve!!!

What kind of nerve. Do elaborate. Cod psychologist

Sounds like byedriver has no interest in prostitution for herself (himself?) personally either, but is just weirdly offended that OP doesn’t.

Its very obvious that the husband isn't into this as much as she is. She has him. A FWB and multiple other partners. Him? What does he have

2 questions …

hubby and I have been talking about at least trying this once. We would be open to MFM, MF/MF… perhaps MFF in the future. But where do you start. Swingers club? Here (the UK) or abroad… to give yourself some distance (and also a hotel room!). What about websites & apps… some mention of Fabswingers.

also, I know STD checks - great. But what about herpes? You can give a BJ to a guy, he’s clean from the hiv, gonorrhoea etc point of view but you could still end up with herpes - this is my biggest worry!

This post shows that your husband is going along with this because it's what you want. Its very obvious. You were 25 when you started this and married a year. Your choices are questionable. Not because of your lifestyle but because it's clear your husband isn't into it as much as you are.

If you are into the swinging lifestyle why do you need a FWB too? You call your husband your person. He's not your person if you have a friend with benefits. There is something really lacking in your life if you have a husband. Are into swinging and have a FWB

Where's the choice on all of this on your husband's part. I actually don't think I've read a thread as delusional as this in a long time

Genuine question - why do you think their children will find out? If they’re not swimming at home, how would the kids know what they’re doing when they go out?

I don’t have kids - do people’s children normally know about their parents’ sex lives?

Like other posters have done I'm going to step back from replying to you because you're wildly angry for no apparent reason. I'll ignore the random insults thrown my way.

where did OP go? Isn’t AMA interactive by definition and inflammatory at times?

what do you wear OP to swinging events?

is your mouth and vagina a mess after a swinging party? I would think giving multiple
men oral sex while having PIV simultaneously or soon after would leave you ragged.

do the men use Viagara? I know my ex swings. He’s been an ex for a long time and this never came up in our marriage but he has a huge penis both length and girth and i
would guess this makes him a popular guy at a swinging event. When our son was cleaning out his dad’s car he came across a baggie of slidenafil I mean a good sized zip top bag of it.

I dabbled with an ex a couple of years (it's not why he became an ex)
It was fun. We had a regular thing with a woman in the end who was much more into me than him.
There are plenty of young and attractive couples out there that are into it, they aren't all old weird misfits at all. You likely have friends on fab, KK etc. You just don't know it

I also dabbled a little as a single woman or "unicorn" on there.
Unicorns are in HUGE demand and can be very, very picky.

My life became a little more sedate and I found my thrills in other things, but I'm very glad I did the things i did. I have incredible body confidence and few inhibitions. My current partner adores that about me. He knows my past, and couldn't care less.

Hes not your person. You sleep with multiple other people and you have a FWB on top too. There will come a day when you look back and regret this. If someone gives you an STI or if you get pregnant by someone who isn't your husband

My friend had an alternative lifestyle and she ended up with an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed her.

You sound like someone who has issues. Because my friend certainly did and her choices didn't make her happy

Doing this a year after you got married sounds huge alarm bells. Your husband sounds like he got dragged along for the ride because you want to fuck as many other people as possible

What’s your body shape, do people of all shapes and sizes swing?

Have you got a great body/or are you simply confident about your body? I struggle to let people see me naked… whereas I guess plenty see you naked. so if you are confident, what allowed you to be like this? And yes, I’m sure I could learn a thing or two about self acceptance!

Lol, this exactly. And it's soooo booooring.

Yes I came here to say that, yes I felt that need. Yes, I still find the subject boring af and not even remotely titillating.

People who announce what they do sexually to strangers are attention seeking wankers, no pun intended.

Obvs I meant a bit more than just that.

I find it interesting that supporters of eg Swinging, Onlyfans etc always say "its fine, its consenting adults, not shameful" but then seem all coy when asked if they are happy tell their kids thats what they do. If its not shameful why not be open about it?
Eg I was a virgin when I got married. Im completely open about that. Not embarrassed or ashamed about that in anyway. Or my complete lack of "action" since dh and I split.

If I was into Swinging Id be open about that too. Why not?

And if the reason is "Well its not suitable for little children to know about" - is it therefore an ok thing for a childs parents to be doing? I would argue, no, probably not a suitable activity for a parent of young children.

I'm very shocked at the amount of female anger and bitterness directed at another woman because she happens to be doing sex wise what she wants,is enjoying herself while not hurting anyone or following conventional norms. I can't believe a woman stating she enjoys having sex with different partners has provoked 12 threads of vitriol accusing her of everything but terrorism. The slut shaming is real.

women: We really are our worst enemies.

If this is just a brag about how much sex you are having. Who cares. Anyone could go on fab swingers and get banged into next week. When I spoke to that guy from twitter I sent him a photo of me and he was like go on there you'll do really well and then he was trying to set me up with his mate saying he'll fuck anyone -do you want to shag him.

Its really zero to brag about. Some of the folk on these sites would stick their dick in anyone. That doesn't mean you can't have this lifestyle. You can. But some of these men are nothing but desperados. They would fuck anything that moves as that guy told me.

They just want a vagina to stick their dick in. The guy I spoke to was bi and he slept with men too. They had gang bangs 16 at a time so testing is sensible. Because you have no idea who these people are fucking when they aren't fucking you

@Stinkybooks s a virgin when I got married. Im completely open about that. Not embarrassed or ashamed about that in anyway. Or my complete lack of "action" since dh and I split.
**
If I was into Swinging Id be open about that too. Why not?

Because children do not need to know what goes on in the parents bedrooms. I don't swing but I would never tell my kids "mum likes to get of with her dildo" or " dad likes it up the bum" right? or are you also open about this? 🤔 (inserts worry emoji)

Your children could still find out, very easily, especially if they're currently younger. How would you feel if they did? What if they reached badly?

It's not true at all that in order to have an open relationship of any sort, you need to have a solid marriage and be secure – swingers have bad marriages, or divorce, all the time. I know several couples personally who had open relationships (more in the kink community than swinging), who developed issues and split up fairly acrimoniously, after years together.

Why is it that you and your husband are unable to fully satisfy each other sexually, do you think? Is it some sort of fetish (eg. voyeurism/exhibitionism) you both are affected by? Or a lack of sexual compatibility?

I know. It's mad.

She's not bragging about anything nor she's critizicing your monogamous lifestyle so relax, the OP happened to open a thread on this section of MN, it's called: "ask me anything", it's not called: "please judge or insult me".

You want to know if she has been made airtight don’t you?