I am swinger AMA

[AMA097155]

As the title says really. I think there's a lot of misconceptions about my/our choices so I'd thought I'd post.

I am what some term a 'hotwife', although that word gives me the ick.

(A hotwife in the swinging and consensual non-monogamy community is a married or committed woman who has sex with other men with the full knowledge, consent, and active encouragement of her husband)

I have sex with people other than my husband, a a friend with benefits whom I'd seen for a over a year, and friends all within the swinging world.

My husband joins socially and for things like a party but isn't so keen on meeting women solo. We've also jointly attended a club, but the dynamic wasn't for us.

If you have any questions, ask away.

It all sounds so grim , but then I'm boring 😬

If you were a prostitute you wouldn't be able to say no to the clients. That's what the money's for.

OP I don't understand you when you say orgasm isn't the main goal for sex. Errr, for me it absolutely is! And for almost all men it will be too. Why not for you?

My DH is great in bed - knows all the right buttons to press and scores 10/10 every time. If I were to sleep with another man, I'd have to train him in the things I like, how my body responds, etc. I actually couldn't be arsed. I'd rather have no sex than mediocre sex.

Also, I always notice on these kinds of threads that the whole lifestyle is presented as 'just some consenting adults out to have a jolly good time with each other and then go back to their cosy marriages'. What I suspect is closer to the truth is that the whole scene is rife with coerced wives appeasing their pervy, controlling husbands and sleazy, predatory, sexually incontinent men - with and without cuck fetishes - who couldn't care less who they stick it into.

There is something so dissociative about all of it that really speaks to some deep, unresolved attachment issues. You probably won't answer this OP, but I wouldn't be surprised if you and/or your husband had a physically or emotionally absent parent in childhood?

@Nevs homophobic because MM action is considered taboo in the swinging scene. So if there were 2 bi married men at a swinging meet, they would likely get ejected if they did anything together. However, their wives fucking each other would be fine.

@choccytime and @IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions Yes and yes!

If you were a prostitute you wouldn't be able to say no to the clients. That's what the money's for.

Wrong. Your average UK sex worker has just as much agency as a swinger.

That's where the exact term it comes from. It's not that the wife is deemed hot.

It's that any man can use her. It's a gross term.

I used to know a guy whose parents were swingers and it totally fucked him up.

I'm sorry you had that experience in life too 💐

Trafficked prostitutes don't have any say whatsoever so let's lose the 'average happy hooker' myth because most prostitutes in the UK will be trafficked.

I'm not thinking it's rare or common, I'm just expressing surprise at OP stating having an orgasm wasn't important when swinging.

What on earth are you basing that statement on? The happy hooker myth is exactly that - a myth.

Are you really suggesting that there are prostitutes who screen their clients for attractiveness and spark and only have sex with the ones they fancy? Pure and utter bollocks.

I missed her age, gave up on some responses as found it hard to follow. I’d probably assume most would be older but I’ve no idea of the average age of swingers

Being aware someone has a bf or gf is hardly the same as telling someone you're a swinger (or any other sexual preference).

The best research we've got estimates 6% of migrant sex workers in the UK are trafficked. That is not most.

Stop using the mysoginistic term hooker.

I really don’t think that’s true.

How do you know it's a myth?

Stop using the mysoginistic term hooker.

Ha!

Or addicts as per my experience working with prostitutes in a previous career. They are by and large, desperate, damaged people and they're certainly not doing it because they enjoy having sex.

No I agree, you would have to be able to shut off your feelings.

Is it true you have to put your keys in a bowl at the front door if your game? What is it about upside down pineapples?

How do you find your local group? To start with.
what sort of places do you meet up? Like do you all meet at a party or do you chat then decide to meet another couple?
do you allow one extra person or have an extra couple involved?

fascinated post and sharing thank you.

Are you sure all your kids are your husbands? Did you do DNA testing?

What would you do if you got pregnant by a swinging partner?

Would you know, assuming there may be occasions where you have sex with another and man and your husband at the same event?

Contraception is never 100% effective is it?

I can imagine loving someone as a romantic partner, who I would enjoy watching have sex with other people, but that's just me.

Good on you, so was I back in the 2000s.
At 30 it was fun and so hedonistic..
Wouldn't do it now.

Are you polyamorous?

How have you got such a keen insight into the swingers scene if you're so disgusted by it? The lady doth protest too much! Suspicious.

Maybe some women struggle to orgasm.