I’m in a lavender marriage (DH is gay) AMA

[dontquestion]

I knew DH was gay when we agreed to get married and have children together.

Married 10 years, 4 DC and its working perfectly for us.

AMA

Did you get pregnant the usual way?
Good for you if you're both happy.

Do the kids know? Do either of you see other people? No judgement here - you are probably happier than many couples!

Did you have sex in order to conceive or did you use artificial insemination?

Why did your husband not feel able to live as an out gay man?

Who knows? (Apart from us?)

Yes

What are the benefits to you of being in a lavender marriage?

Why is your self esteem so low that you would marry a man who could never fully love you?

Have you thought about the impact on your children in the future in terms of finding out their parents marriage was one of convenience?

What do you do about your libido? Do you have sex with other people or do you not feel the need?

So does he have sex with men?

Does he have sex with you?
If so does he like pegging and or bumming more than PIV sex?

Are you definitely hetero yourself?

Thank you.

Why did you decide this when gay marriage is accepted and legal? Don't you want/need/deserve love?

No they don’t. DH is Bi to the few family and friends who know about his previous relationships with men, this is what he will tell the kids if they ever question it.

We both have but not in the last couple of years, we have 4 young dc, jobs and no time to.

We do love each other very much, he is my best friend.

We agreed that we could create the life and family we both wanted together and be very happy, we did and we are.

Why did you marry when you had the option of finding a heterosexual man? Does sex not bother you at all? Don't you want a partner who finds you sexually attractive?

Is he very religious? Why does he not live as an out gay man?

Love comes in all different ways. Who is anyone to say that the Husband does not love her? He could have more love for the OP, then lots of other hetro Men, in their marriages for all anybody knows.

Do you love each other? If so, is it romantically and just with no physical attraction? Or as very good friends?

We both have done in the past.

We do have sex with each other ‘for fun’ not just to conceive. We are comfortable with each other and it is still pleasurable on both sides.

To echo another poster, why doesn't your DH want to live as a gay man? Does he have affairs with men? You say he had them previously. Does he not feel frustration at (presumably) hiding his true self?

Sounds like everyone is happy for now so good for you i guess...

but it reads like you married and had sex regularly (in order to have 4 kids) so really you have an open marriage with a bisexual man not a lavender marriage...?
The fact you still have sex "for fun" doesnt scream lavender marriage either

Was it because he wanted children, it is quite difficult for gay men to have a family if they are not In the privileged show bizzy type world.

How is he gay then? Surely he is bi?

Surely he is BI.

If he willingly has fun, pleasurable sex with a woman, is he not actually bi?

Why did you not just say he's bi?

I had lots of questions if this was a genuine lavender marriage.