I’m in a lavender marriage (DH is gay) AMA

[dontquestion]

I knew DH was gay when we agreed to get married and have children together.

Married 10 years, 4 DC and its working perfectly for us.

AMA

I want to ask this too!

So a regular marriage then?

But he is bi? He has sex with his wife for enjoyment?

He’s not religious, he did live out as a gay man for many years.

It sounds like you are living as a married couple-happy together, having sex, love each other. What makes your marriage a lavender marriage rather than just an open marriage?

Not sure about your marriage but mine didn’t involve sleeping with other people

I’m sorry but this isn’t a lavender marriage? He’s bi and you have an ope marriage?

A man that has regular heterosexual sex with his wife 'for fun' isn't gay.

This should be my husband is bi AMA

I genuinely don't think I'd care that my parents were in a marriage of convenience, if I had two parents who loved each other (all be it not sexually) and a loving childhood.

That’s true. I was thinking about the having sex, living together, being friends, having children aspect of it.

Agreed. I've had quite a few gay male friends and apart from maybe exploring their sexuality in youth, they simply would not have regular and willing sex with a woman for enjoyment. It just isn't happening, no matter how much they cared for her.

He’s bi and you have an open marriage. He finds you attractive to have sex with you and have 4 DC. You don’t just had sex to conceive.

Not a lavender marriage. Just a normal one with a history of being open before…

He’s not gay. He’s bisexual.

He has only ever had relationships with men or felt sexual attraction to men.

When we met he told me he was gay, when we married I married knowing he was a gay man.

We are very comfortable and honest with each other - physical touch can still be pleasurable even when there isn’t sexual attraction to other person.

Is he also having sex with men? How are you keeping yourself safe from the std that are more prevalent in m to m sex?

Girl, what happens if he meets a man he wants to marry? 🥺🥺

are you happy? Like truly?

I will say though that at least he is upfront and honest with you - many men use a woman to have kids with and then once they’ve got enough, they suddenly ‘realise’ and ‘go on a journey of self acceptance’

the woman’s left there, raising kids with this man who used her, trying to convince herself that he’s a victim 😒😒

all the best to you, why not live the life that you want!! ❤️

How would you feel if your DH wanted to start having sex with men again, OP?
Or Is it completely off the table for you now as a couple?

Well that’s not true because he is in a sexual relationship with a woman he is married to.

What made you choose a life without a shot at being loved in the traditional way?

I still don’t get what you get out of this arrangement, op. He seems to have his cake and eat it, children, home life, wife, sex but can skip off and have sex with men too.

This isn't going to work long term. I know someone who was married like this for 15 years, he did eventually leave for a man. Another friend didn't know her husband was gay and he left after 12 years for a man and it was a huge shock to her and her kids. It's not sustainable. It's really out of order for the children if you knew he was gay as there's a high chance he's going to bugger off with a man and those poor kids that you have openly lied to have to see thier dad with another man. I'd be really angry if I were your child and found out you were in a sham marriage. They will find out so what do you intend to tell them?

I don’t get it to be honest.

I’m straight but if I started having sex with woman surely that would make me bisexual? To have regular “fun” sex and make 4 kids together. That’s not a gay man.

He’s gay - we agreed to marry and have children together for convenience knowing he was and that we would both be having sex with other men.

Do you follow typical gender roles with childcare, work, home life? I think a lot of heterosexual couples seem to fall into this by default.

Can it? Surely the idea of physical intimacy with someone you’re not sexually attracted to is repulsive to most people?

Your husband is bi.

But he has sex with you...... so he clearly is sexually attracted to women.

I'm confused.