I'm a virgin and celibate by choice - ask me anything

[Vampirette]

As the title says, I'm a (very much adult) virgin who has chosen celibacy as a way of life for various reasons. If that's something anyone might be curious about, feel free to ask questions.

Some info about me that might be relevant to keep in mind (because I know there are a lot of negative stigma and stereotypes about adult virgins):

• I'm heterosexual (woman attracted to only men)
• Yes, I'm religious - but no, my religion is not the reason why I have chosen celibacy (as it actually very much discourages it!)
• I live in a European country I'm not native to. I originate from a Slavic country
• I'm not asexual, or lack sexual drive in any way. On the contrary, I have an extremely high sex drive
• I don't suffer from any mental or physical illnesses or disabilities that prevent me from physical intimacy. I'm in fact a very tactile person who loves to be close to people
• I'm not neurodivergent, shy, autistic, or anything else similar
• I don't have low self-esteem. Quite the opposite...
• I lead a very normal life. I have a family, friends, I went to Uni, have a great job, get on great with everyone I come across, I have lots of hobbies, and I spend a lot of my time travelling
• I don't have any issue with attracting men. Men do show a lot of interest in me, so my celibacy also does not come down to not having options

Curious now Op if you were to ever have sex what would your expectations be ? Do you think you would enjoy it ? I can't speak for anyone else but my first time I was quiet a bit younger but it hurt like a M*** and he was very very gentle

Even if you find a man who appears perfect for you at the time, even good marriages are hard, hard work involving compromise and tolerance

Honestly though if you don’t want kids and can’t be arsed with “hard hard work” you don’t actually have to put yourself through it. If you’re happier on your own, that’s fine and a lot of the people who say you’re missing out are just uncomfortable that someone is doing something outside the societal norm.

Is there outrage? This is an AMA so questions are going to be posed.

I find it a very interesting subject because of knowing two people who held on to their virginities but kind of got left behind in a lot ways because of it.

No, I'm not saving myself for anybody. I'm literally just living my life with no expectations that this and that will happen. But, I'm realistic so can quite confidently say that I'm extremely likely to be as I am now until I pass. Which i'm fine with!

It's baffling to me that you've never had a single relationship, but you do consider yourself qualified to opine on marital problems.

I am trying not to be rude, honest!
Physical attraction and wonderful lovemaking/sex is just hugely enjoyable and why would you not partake of a pleasurable experience in your life? If you don't meet this wonderful man who fits your criteria, you might never ever experience it before you die. All for some sort of principle that I can't fathom.

A disturbingly large number of women have never even had an orgasm with their partner. Cool if you have found someone who is great in bed but let’s not kid ourselves that most men are great lovers.

You may wish to have a word with the pope and the Catholic clergy…

Equally hypocritical. But it isn't the Pope's AMA.

I Agree that women who stay with men who treat them badly is an extremely sad. I would hope the majority of women who are fortunate to have a long and happy marriage with their chosen partner in life are in the majority.

Thank you! Maybe you wish you could have done things differently, but you have the futur to focus on, and you can take charge of that for sure! All the best!

My parents know by default, because as Muslims, and conservative Russians, we just don't culturally have sex before marriage (of course some do, but it's usually not in the open). But aside from a few family members and close friends, no, I haven't uttered the words "I'm virgin" to a whole lot of people. But yes, everyone is very supportive, because they all have quite conservative values, too, so understand my position.

But don’t we all do this in life? I have an idea of what I might do if DH cheated on me, yet it hasn’t happened (that I know of). I have an idea of what I would do if I became unexpectedly pregnant, yet it hasn’t happened. I have an idea what I would do if I found out DC was vaping, which I haven’t yet experienced.

You sound like a teenager

You talk about men giving you the ick. Do you think you could be a lesbian or asexual.

Asexual people do have sex drives and do masturbate and enjoy it but they just don't want sexual contact with another person.

Does this sound like you at all OP? How would your parents react if you were a lesbian, would that be acceptable in your family?

I think the bit about you being a virgin who enjoys sex is confusing because most people would take sex to mean sex with another human being, rather than meaning masturbation or sexual desire.

You obviously cannot know how much you would enjoy sex with your husband, if you ever had one, until you start having that sex. Sexual desire and enjoying masturbation does not always translate into enjoying sex with any particular man.

People can have a view on marriage without having experienced it themselves. By being married, the only thing you have experienced is YOUR marriage, not someone else’s. Someone single is equally able to give their advice and opinion as someone married.

@PumpingIrnBru don’t feel sorry for me, I do feel perfectly free but also secure (no guarantees of course) and in a happy and respectful marriage with good sex. I just get cross that so many great women have babies and live with men who don’t value them. I am stepping away from the thread now as I want to get on with my evening. I appreciate you being so polite while having a different point of view.

That made me laugh! My Irish Catholic Mum (no longer with us) said that if you went to a priest to talk about your problems with your husband he would just tell you to get your husband's dinner on the table for when he got home : )

Going celibate is different to what the OP has chosen to do.

I am a bit confused still as OP is saying on the one hand that she doesn’t want to date or have relationships but on the other she is saying she’ll wait until her wedding night before having sex. This wedding night is never going to happen if OP doesn’t want to date.

I think your making way to big a deal about sex and seeing it as this huge thing. The majority of adults in the world are having sex whether that's within a marriage or not. Sex is a good thing and has many health benefits. I don't understand why your denying yourself. You talk about risks but the risks are quite small if you take precautions. You say your waiting for the perfect guy their is no such thing just like their is no such thing as the perfect woman. You say your interested in sex so I'm struggling to understand what's stopping you

Really? We live in such a sex-crazed society, and you think ONE person talking about being a virgin on a section on a discussion forum that is designated for discussing more unusual matters is "long and tedious"? Well, by all means don't let the door hit you on the way out of my thread, then :).

Also, you are in no position to diagnose anybody behind a screen. Also, are you even a doctor? Or close to being one? You can take your ASD "diagnosis" and eat it with your morning coffee. Or whatever else you drink in the morning.

Do you think your parents and brothers or sisters wish things had turned out differently for you and you had romantic relationships and found the man you wanted to marry?

It's more important to be with someone who is willing and open to try new things, and who doesn't take offence to guidance.

This is seriously off. There is so much more to it than that. And you don't know because you have never been in that position. You are quoting facts about a subject you know nothing about.

This poster's responses are aligning way too much with an incel view of what women are like, and their engagement in the thread is so high, that I am pretty convinced this is a wolf in sheep's clothing situation going on here.

100%, yes! Aside from the age factor, it's seemingly hard to believe that a conventially attractive person could possibly be celibate. But in the end of the day, people can believe what they like, it doesn't change the facts, right?

Sex isn't the be all and end all and I don't discuss it with friends explicitly but I think if I had never had it I would feel as though I wasn't always able to partake in conversations or contribute. Do you ever feel like this?