I'm a virgin and celibate by choice - ask me anything

[Vampirette]

As the title says, I'm a (very much adult) virgin who has chosen celibacy as a way of life for various reasons. If that's something anyone might be curious about, feel free to ask questions.

Some info about me that might be relevant to keep in mind (because I know there are a lot of negative stigma and stereotypes about adult virgins):

• I'm heterosexual (woman attracted to only men)
• Yes, I'm religious - but no, my religion is not the reason why I have chosen celibacy (as it actually very much discourages it!)
• I live in a European country I'm not native to. I originate from a Slavic country
• I'm not asexual, or lack sexual drive in any way. On the contrary, I have an extremely high sex drive
• I don't suffer from any mental or physical illnesses or disabilities that prevent me from physical intimacy. I'm in fact a very tactile person who loves to be close to people
• I'm not neurodivergent, shy, autistic, or anything else similar
• I don't have low self-esteem. Quite the opposite...
• I lead a very normal life. I have a family, friends, I went to Uni, have a great job, get on great with everyone I come across, I have lots of hobbies, and I spend a lot of my time travelling
• I don't have any issue with attracting men. Men do show a lot of interest in me, so my celibacy also does not come down to not having options

I wonder how much of the ops upbringing has led to her views today, and what comes across as a fear of men and sex, scared of being used, dumped, getting diseased.

I wonder if she was fed this strict view growing up, waiting for the perfect man, to be a pure woman for her husband, and as the man never turned up she’s remained living with her parents, a nearly 40 year old virgin, who has never had one relationship in her life, and now she’s accepted this is it for her.

I don’t get the superiority she’s displaying, maybe it’s self defense, or maybe it’s a view she grew up with, that women that save themselves for their husbands are somehow better.

Are you worried that you are in your parents way at all?

Are you happy with likely not having children as your not even dating ?

Do you not feel you have missed out on so much because relationships teach you so much about yourself and other people? It teaches you things you wouldn't ever know if you haven't experienced it?

Are you accepting that if your not dating that your going to live a solo life?

But if you won’t date how would this happen, what would be the first step to this? Not actively seeking a relationship isn’t the same as not wanting to date. OP has stated she doesn’t want a relationship or date. Marriage has to start somewhere.

We’d all love the perfect man to be dropped in our laps without any effort but even then you’ve got to make the decision to date them first before marrying them.

Saving herself didn’t even work out for Princess Diana (yes she was younger) but it guarantees nothing.

I know a lot of people who don’t have sex. So your situation (minus the over sharing on the masterbation and calling it “sex”) is fairly normal to me. I’m interested in your friendships. Do you have any close friends (who are not family)? Are your friends with any men at all?

Except no man will ever be suitable, or good enough , I suspect. I don’t think OP grasps that humans are messy and everyone has something which makes them imperfect . Even her .
she claims every man she’s ever met has given her the ‘ick’. That’s quite extreme.

People are interested.

Are there any celebrities or famous people you have crushed on? Someone who, if they were attainable (and lived up to their image), you’d think was worthy and possibly your type? I’m just curious about the type of man who could interest you.

Or woman

The OP won't be back. She was banned.

Yep. Most of us by 38 have managed to find someone with even a vague attraction who returns it.

TBH, I'm not sure what OP expects from a relationship, let alone a marriage and the lecturing tone to those of us who have actually managed to maintain such sometimes for decades sits ill.

Really? For what? How do you know?

You haven’t answered it though? I read the answer you’re referring to and you only talk of urges and sex drive… that isn’t sex. You haven’t had sex so how do you know you enjoy it? You might enjoy masterbating but that’s not sex with a partner

She posted elsewhere.

Bans happen for all sorts of reasons. You'd have to ask MN.

Does this remind anyone else of that really weird thread when the man wanted to be a stay at home dad but was single, living with his parents etc.... yet he thought it would all be a breeze and happily preached to us all about the ins and outs of marriage and parenthood? This is really similar and has the same vibe to it imo.

Now or previously?

Thats a shame I was hoping to hear of any celebrity crushes she might have had, just to see where her tastes lay.

But lots of people in religious etc communities have arranged marriages, or something approaching it

Has your family not tried to match make?
Are there no match makers in your community.

No-one who could be introduced through the family?

Or they have done so, but they were among the low quality men you encountered?

If you don't want to rule out kids, you'd need to get into a position to have them soon ish.

Fertility drops significantly for most people after the early 40s.

She didn't "save herself" - she was only a teenager when her grandmother set up the marriage into the royal family.

Surely we can allow our teenagers not to have had sex without describing them as saving themselves.

She used the expression “keeping herself tidy”.

I’ve read most of the posts and from what I can gather, I don’t think you have the healthiest mindset when it comes to selecting a partner. This is not about sex, you can leave that aside, but the idea of a perfect partner is just not realistic. There is no one out there who is the other part of the puzzle, in reality, both partners in a couple do change to accommodate and grow with each other. Having a shopping list of qualities, is just not realistic. I’m not saying you have to settle and lower your standards, but a little flexibility is needed to find a suitable partner.

I said before that I was also abstaining until I met my husband. I really did enjoy my life but I guess I wanted to experience the next chapter. That’s the bit I have trouble with, - as happy as I was, I was keen to move forward, not stay as I was.

Nonetheless she was still very young and it would not have been remotely odd or exceptional for her to still be a virgin.

Evening, everyone. As previous posters have pointed out, the OP won't be back unfortunately, so we're going to close the thread to new posts now. Not much point in an Ask Me Anything if you can't Ask Them Anything At All.