I'm a virgin and celibate by choice - ask me anything

[Vampirette]

As the title says, I'm a (very much adult) virgin who has chosen celibacy as a way of life for various reasons. If that's something anyone might be curious about, feel free to ask questions.

Some info about me that might be relevant to keep in mind (because I know there are a lot of negative stigma and stereotypes about adult virgins):

• I'm heterosexual (woman attracted to only men)
• Yes, I'm religious - but no, my religion is not the reason why I have chosen celibacy (as it actually very much discourages it!)
• I live in a European country I'm not native to. I originate from a Slavic country
• I'm not asexual, or lack sexual drive in any way. On the contrary, I have an extremely high sex drive
• I don't suffer from any mental or physical illnesses or disabilities that prevent me from physical intimacy. I'm in fact a very tactile person who loves to be close to people
• I'm not neurodivergent, shy, autistic, or anything else similar
• I don't have low self-esteem. Quite the opposite...
• I lead a very normal life. I have a family, friends, I went to Uni, have a great job, get on great with everyone I come across, I have lots of hobbies, and I spend a lot of my time travelling
• I don't have any issue with attracting men. Men do show a lot of interest in me, so my celibacy also does not come down to not having options

No, I don't. I can sometimes feel very alienated from other people, outside my social circle, because I sometimes feel like I just don't fit in. But that's just a feeling of not fitting in - not loneliness. I thankfully have a wonderful family and some great friends.

You referred to men as "low quality". Do you consider yourself to be a "high quality" woman? What do you bring to the table?

I would also like to know what OP considers a “high quality man”?

And what is it about marriage that suddenly makes sex/intimacy okay? So if you were with someone for 10 years, it’s not okay but then as soon as you are married things change?

I don't really know what you're talking about tbh.

You talk about being a virgin who enjoys sex.

You talk about celibacy but you are actually practicing abstinence because you do intent to have a relationship in future. You've no moral path leading you to a life of celibacy and just haven't found a partner you want to marry; that's quite different to what your OP suggests.

Your attitudes toward women are pretty unenlightened and quite misogynistic. Equating someone's moral value based on their sexual choices is very boring bog standard misogyny. You say you have high standards for men, but you share the same mindsets as the worst of them.

@Vampirette do you want children?

Because "nice girl" is a patronising and juvenile way of describing an adult woman. Also, of course I don't advertise for my situation in day to day life...aside from those very close to me, nobody knows that I'm a virgin, or that I have the views and values that I have.

Why is weird to be proud of being a virgin? People take pride in having sex all the time, so why can't I take pride in NOT having sex without my pride being labelled as "weird"?

Well, yes, I do think my choices is better than other people's - hence I made that specific choice, and not the same as other people. I assume you also think you have made better choices than me in terms of your sexlife? There's also nothing wrong, in my book, to acknowledge that we are not all as good as each other. Some people are better, some people are worse. It's just a fact. But in the end of the day, you don't have to care about how I feel about others. And my thread is not really about how I feel about others, but to give an insight into why someone might want to choose a less travelled path.

And no worries, I have a thick skin!

I admire you OP. You know what you want, you have moral standards you live by - and those are both integral to happiness / fulfilment.

Sorry for an intimate question : why is masturbation OK to you? I know people who would equate it with sex (just sec with yourself) and therefore 'impure'. Do you use anything to help you? (Porn, sex toys). Do you fantasise about real people or are they just faceless? If real people, is that OK or do you feel uncomfortable about it?

What are your dreams in life?

Exactly. Of course, it can also go very wrong...it all depends on how you, yourself, approach matters :).

You are definitely not old-fashioned at all. In the old fashion you'd normally not have sex before marriage, and it was normal to be a virgin before marriage. That's how it always used to be until a few decades ago. So, really, you are modern-fashioned, not old-fashioned.

I have to agree with all @SilverDoe 's points.

I might be being thick here but I don't understand this post. You say you enjoy sex, but how can you enjoy it if you're a virgin? Or do you just mean masturbating?

What has been your longest relationship and how did it end?

I have never been in a relationship.

I don't believe in per-marital sex, because...it's actually a feminist statement of sorts. Yes, sex is enjoyable to me, as a woman, as much as it is to a man...but reality is, women expose themselves to more risks than men do when it comes to sex. It's not men who can get pregnant. It's not men who have to give birth. It's not men that (usually) have to take a hit on their career. It's not men who (usually) end up taking care of children. And it's not men who end up having to look after their children all on their own if their partner decides to leave. I don't want to take any of these risks for any man who doesn't think I'm worthy to commit to. And I know no man is going to commit to you without getting something off of you first (sex, living together, etc.) if he doesn't truly love and respect you, and is in it for the long run.

How would you feel if you married the person, lost your virginity and then the relationship still didn’t work out?

No necessarily. I have never been desperate for children...

Bizarre you think people would be interested
It's your private business, nothing to do with anyone else.
Good luck to you I say ,
In a different life ,I could of seen me doing the same

Why do you keep referring to how much you enjoy sex, when you've never had sex?

I’ve already asked this and didn’t get a response.

Do you not worry if you were to marry without having sex with your husband that you might actually it be sexually compatible?

Thank you. But I never said my AMA is about sex? It's about being livign a celibate lifestyle, and all that entials. It goes way beyond sex.

Do you want your future husband to be a virgin?

Actually good for you
I've only slept with my husband for much the same reasons
Not that your going to be interested in that as it's my private business 😉

But, you don’t want children and are now 38 so possibly unlikely to have children as you haven’t met a partner and got married. So, these reasons don’t really apply to you. What are your reasons now children are highly unlikely?

I don't believe in per-marital sex, because...it's actually a feminist statement of sorts. Yes, sex is enjoyable to me, as a woman, as much as it is to a man...but reality is, women expose themselves to more risks than men do when it comes to sex. It's not men who can get pregnant. It's not men who have to give birth. It's not men that (usually) have to take a hit on their career. It's not men who (usually) end up taking care of children. And it's not men who end up having to look after their children all on their own if their partner decides to leave. I don't want to take any of these risks for any man who doesn't think I'm worthy to commit to. And I know no man is going to commit to you without getting something off of you first (sex, living together, etc.) if he doesn't truly love and respect you, and is in it for the long run.

That sounds quite sensible. Not what I've chosen but I understand and respect the logic.

What nonsense. All this stuff about a "celibate lifestyle".

You're just single and waiting for marriage, if it happens. You're not living some kind of extreme lifestyle as you seem to think.