Page 5 | I'm a tradwife AMA

Loopyloooooo · 2023-12-30T00:14:01+00:00

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are... Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

Needsomesupport84 · 30/12/2023 13:19

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 13:18

Actually OP I think you’re being very disingenuous with this thread. Your posting history indicates you have two severely disabled children who need full time care, no family support, and you and DH have mused about separation due to the stress of caring for them. I’m not convinced that being a housewife is a choice for you because you love it as much as it’s a necessity because there’s no way you could work with your children having the needs they do.

I really hope you do have some friends, because your life sounds very hard and probably isn’t helped by a husband who seems happy for you to shoulder the majority of the shitwork whilst he “rules the roost.”

Edited

Interesting

Toomanycaketins · 30/12/2023 13:20

It sounds more like rose-tinted, times gone by cosplay. Even the freedom to choose a trad wife life (and have a career to go back to) is built on the back of suffragists and feminists who fought for women to have those choices.

can you see any similarities between the trad wife movement and regions of the world where women are oppressed such as Iran?

LeavesOnTrees · 30/12/2023 13:20

You seem to have a lot of choices and back up options for a 'tradwife', this is a good thing for you.

However, I wouldn't say you're in the tradwife role of being totally dependant on a man for everything which is the situation for a lot of women around the world and one they wouldn't choose.

I get the impression you're playing at a damaging role model setup that doesn't reflect reality, as you can pull the plug anytime.
A bit like the rich girl in Pulp's Common People

Jitterybugs · 30/12/2023 13:21

Have you done anything during the 15 years to keep your skills and knowledge up to date in the career you are confident will welcome you back if the need arises?

Tracker1234 · 30/12/2023 13:21

There really aren’t any jobs where you can take years and years off and then go back and they will bite your arm off years and years later…

category12 · 30/12/2023 13:21

Lalalanding · 30/12/2023 13:18

Is being a tradwife a kink/fetish? It looks like it on instagram every time they pop up. It just looks like a genre of sub fantasy in a BDSM relationship. Is your DH a Dom?

Why differentiate between tradwife and SAHM?

Because SAHM sounds like it's about the children = not sexy, tradwife sounds like it's about the man = sexy (to a particular mindset / influencer audience).

BodyKeepingScore · 30/12/2023 13:22

I'm not understanding what makes you a tradwife as opposed to simply being a SAHP?

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:24

BodyKeepingScore · 30/12/2023 13:22

I'm not understanding what makes you a tradwife as opposed to simply being a SAHP?

Because a modern sahm will expect to be treated equally in a good relationship, a tradwife has a sideline in cosplaying an unequal power dynamic.

minipie · 30/12/2023 13:24

Globe22 · 30/12/2023 12:47

How dreadfully dull, what do you talk about when you meet up with friends? Bleach? Washing tablets?
what do you find to do all day?
do you volunteer in your community?

What do YOU talk about? What happened at your work? How tedious.

Jitterybugs · 30/12/2023 13:25

Tracker1234 · 30/12/2023 13:21

There really aren’t any jobs where you can take years and years off and then go back and they will bite your arm off years and years later…

I was thinking the same. The only job I can think of is possibly a lion trainer and if your skills are rusty on the first day back and the lion bites your arm off 🦁

Newsenmum · 30/12/2023 13:25

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:24

Because a modern sahm will expect to be treated equally in a good relationship, a tradwife has a sideline in cosplaying an unequal power dynamic.

Show quote history

That’s what I thought. Is this true op?

Wintersgirl · 30/12/2023 13:27

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:19

@Singleandproud I have a career I could get back into if I needed to and it's the type of job where they will always be short and bite your arm off if you want to return.

I have a life insurance and a pension.

Yes but you've been out of the workplace for at least 13 years, that's a lifetime in the world of work, things change on a daily, monthly basis, I'm not sure they'd rip your arm off to come back? The cost of training/updating you wouldn't be worth it to employers, it's cut throat now..

Rewis · 30/12/2023 13:27

Do you also have traditional social values? Chastity, take away women's voting rights, completely submit to husband etc.?

Needsomesupport84 · 30/12/2023 13:27

Tracker1234 · 30/12/2023 13:21

There really aren’t any jobs where you can take years and years off and then go back and they will bite your arm off years and years later…

She’s probably talking about teaching. Anyway, as a pp has pointed out, she has severely disabled children and her husband has talked about separation to give them both a break every other weekend. It sounds relentless and I have a lot of sympathy for op but her life is very far removed from the Instagram tradwives. She wouldn’t be able to work with her caring responsibilities. It’s really disingenuous to pretend that she’s living a 1950s idealised life.

SandyWaves · 30/12/2023 13:28

😵

Diamondcurtains · 30/12/2023 13:33

I don’t know what a trad wife is or how it’s different to just not working. My kids are all over 16. I haven’t worked since going on maternity leave with my 2nd child. I just call myself a SAHM 🤷

Tracker1234 · 30/12/2023 13:37

Thing is 50% of marriages end in divorce. You are very exposed and quite honestly don’t seem to have a back up plan. How did you get a pension if you haven’t worked for years? What about your state pension?

I really fear for women like this who are often deluded in their outlook on life until something comes left field. Two relatives have had this happen to them. One in particular was naive and thought it would never happen to her. Hadn’t worked for years…. Husband left this year claiming she was boring. She is now pestering the life out of the wider family for support despite the fact some of us warned her this sort of thing might happen.

Coolblur · 30/12/2023 13:39

What are your plans for when he retires but you can't?

Samsings · 30/12/2023 13:39

@Loopyloooooo what career is this? I’m genuinely looking for work and keen to know where people are needed.

Octomingo · 30/12/2023 13:39

I'm not even sure there really ever was a magical sahm era. 1 grandmother didn't work, but she made the family's clothes, grew the fruit and veg, cooked everything and looked after the chickens and goat. Her husband did the repairs when he came home from work. Guess she was more like a farmer's wife really.

The other worked in a factory and her mother looked after the children.

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:40

If you are just playing the numbers, three quarters of divorces occur before the 15 year of marriage, so her risk of divorce is not as high as 50%

Assssssssssss · 30/12/2023 13:43

Don't worry what people think, if you are all happy, good on you, as a lot of people aren't.

HouseofCardsComesATumblingDown · 30/12/2023 13:43

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 12:56

Agree with others, I think you’re simply a SAHM / housewife. The tradwife movement has a particular sociopolitical basis. You wouldn’t typically have access to joint accounts or a pension and you would submit to your DH’s authority in everything outwith the house and children because of a belief that his view was superior to yours. Your life sounds a bit dull but not groundbreakingly unusual.

Edited

This isn't true. I follow a lot of Trad wives on Instagram, out of curiosity.
They differ a lot.

Some are very much in charge of managing the finances. The husband makes money outside the home but the wife manages savings, budgets etc.

Most of them do make their own money as well. On Instagram (the ones I follow) and from home based business such as baking, keeping animals, knitting and clothes making and things.

Most of them do seem to be religious. They do say their husband is the head of the household but don't seem to be dominated (not sure how I'd know though tbh).

But the ones I follow are more homesteading home schooling types not the cos playing 1950s housewife. More little house on the prairie cos play 😁.

I'm weirdly obsessed and Im a career British woman who doesn't even like gardening!

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 13:44

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 13:18

Actually OP I think you’re being very disingenuous with this thread. Your posting history indicates you have two severely disabled children who need full time care, no family support, and you and DH have mused about separation due to the stress of caring for them. I’m not convinced that being a housewife is a choice for you because you love it as much as it’s a necessity because there’s no way you could work with your children having the needs they do.

I really hope you do have some friends, because your life sounds very hard and probably isn’t helped by a husband who seems happy for you to shoulder the majority of the shitwork whilst he “rules the roost.”

Edited

Puts a different spin on it for sure. Does not sound like a lifestyle choice, and I also hope the OP has more RL support than her tradhusband, a label which sounds like a convenient hiding place for a useless one.

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:45

More little house on the prairie cos play

Hope they have enough wood chopped to get through winter. 😁