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AMA
Original poster

I'm a tradwife AMA

288 replies

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:14

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

OP posts:
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 30/12/2023 03:02

I never heard of a tradwife. As pp asked, isn't it just the same as a sahm? Certainly seems that way as op describes.

blacksax · 30/12/2023 12:26

The OP is clearly far too busy doing the wifework to be able to return to the thread.

FourFourOne · 30/12/2023 12:30

What was your parents’ relationship like when you were growing up? Was it similar to yours?

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 12:34

Why is it tradwife and not traditional wife? Or just a SAHM? Is this some sort of Instagram hashtag label?

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 12:35

So are the rest of us modwives? As I quite like that.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 30/12/2023 12:35

Calling it 'tradwife' makes it sound like you are part of a cult. Maybe you are.

pinkyredrose · 30/12/2023 12:37

Do you think your parents/family/friends are disappointed in you?

CrapBucket · 30/12/2023 12:38

Do you vote? Do you decide who to vote for or does your husband?

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 30/12/2023 12:38

Hi OP. What do you do with your time other than household work - do you spend time on hobbies?

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 12:39

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:30

Hm well an example from today, I couldn't decide where to go on holiday this year and mulled different options over with DH and he in the end had the final day. This is fine with me, someone has to make a decision eventually and he is paying for it 🤪 (and no he doesn't hold that over me!), far from it actually.

DH keeps an eye on the finances and I get given a set amount every month to cover absolutely everything me and the DC need (and more TBH). However all of our bank accounts, savings etc are in joint names and I know how to access them easily if I would ever need to but we have an understanding that certain accounts are "his" to oversee.

Show quote history

This example doesn’t sound that unusual to me.

Duh · 30/12/2023 12:40

Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mum which it sounds like you are.

However, if you are truly a tradwife why are you a traitor to your own sex? What do you believe makes men superior to women?

Tlolljs · 30/12/2023 12:40

Just sounds like a normal stay at home parent.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 30/12/2023 12:41

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 12:34

Why is it tradwife and not traditional wife? Or just a SAHM? Is this some sort of Instagram hashtag label?

Yeah it's a hashtag. And generally goes beyond a more typical SAHM. Most people who use it defer to their husbands in almost everything, he controls the purse strings and she has dinner on the table in time for him to get home. She does all housework and parenting, while he does his 9-5.
Most SAHMs wouldn't class themselves as "tradwives". There's an inherent imbalance of power in it, it's more an American thing with often a religious element and a feeling that a man just should be in charge of "his" family and household. There's also often an element of dressing nice for him, imagine a stereotypical 1950s American housewife.

Labtastic · 30/12/2023 12:42

Odd that OP seems to have disappeared since it's been pointed out she appears just to be a SAHM like thousands of others!

Waitingfordoggo · 30/12/2023 12:44

I’m another one thinking OP sounds like an ordinary SAHM rather than a tradwife.

Notmetoo · 30/12/2023 12:45

Do you agree with everything he says. What if he decides in a course you think is wrong? Would you still do it?
Have you thought about the impact this may have on your children in the future.
Do you trust your own judgements?

OloOloOlo · 30/12/2023 12:46

How much does DH earn and what part of UK are you?

Whattodo112222 · 30/12/2023 12:47

Do you feel your husband respects you?

Waitingfordoggo · 30/12/2023 12:47

Yes @CrispsandCheeseSandwich, that’s my understanding of the term. And because it is so often underpinned by religious fundamentalism and so loved by men who don’t respect women, I always suspect the tradwives are expected to provide plentiful sex on demand whether they want to or not. Hopefully I’m wrong about that but it’s just the sense I get from some of the people involved in it.

Globe22 · 30/12/2023 12:47

How dreadfully dull, what do you talk about when you meet up with friends? Bleach? Washing tablets?
what do you find to do all day?
do you volunteer in your community?

Waitingfordoggo · 30/12/2023 12:50

See, I can’t imagine any of the tradwives I’ve seen in the media saying something like:

’I couldn't decide where to go on holiday this year and mulled different options over with DH’

Sounds like it was initially the OP’s decision but she needed help with the choosing.
I don’t know that many tradwives would have the opportunity to be involved in the decision at all.

purpledaze24 · 30/12/2023 12:50

Do you ever accidentally call your DH dad?

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 12:51

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 30/12/2023 12:41

Yeah it's a hashtag. And generally goes beyond a more typical SAHM. Most people who use it defer to their husbands in almost everything, he controls the purse strings and she has dinner on the table in time for him to get home. She does all housework and parenting, while he does his 9-5.
Most SAHMs wouldn't class themselves as "tradwives". There's an inherent imbalance of power in it, it's more an American thing with often a religious element and a feeling that a man just should be in charge of "his" family and household. There's also often an element of dressing nice for him, imagine a stereotypical 1950s American housewife.

Show quote history

I have heard of these (usually American) families who seem to do it as a pointed anti-modernity lifestyle choice - seems to go a lot further than a pragmatic SAHP decision with associated financial management.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 30/12/2023 12:52

Notmetoo · 30/12/2023 12:45

Do you agree with everything he says. What if he decides in a course you think is wrong? Would you still do it?
Have you thought about the impact this may have on your children in the future.
Do you trust your own judgements?

I was wondering that too. What would happen if you refused to comply with DH’s decision on something?

Do your children see you as equal to him or as subordinate?

SecondUsername4me · 30/12/2023 12:52

It doesn't sound like a tradwife situation tbh.

I have a few questions:-

  1. what is the one thing you would love to do, for you, that you cannot because of your set up
  2. how much time do you spend without dh and the kids weekends and evenings? And how much time does dh spend alone with his kids?
  3. does him ruling the roost mean he gets to decide when you two have sex?