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AMA
Original poster

I'm a tradwife AMA

288 replies

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:14

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 12:56

Agree with others, I think you’re simply a SAHM / housewife. The tradwife movement has a particular sociopolitical basis. You wouldn’t typically have access to joint accounts or a pension and you would submit to your DH’s authority in everything outwith the house and children because of a belief that his view was superior to yours. Your life sounds a bit dull but not groundbreakingly unusual.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 13:01

As a question though. Do you have friends? What do you talk to them about, if they don’t share your lifestyle and you have little to input beyond your quite limited world?

I can’t imagine meeting up with any of my girlfriends and her having little to talk about beyond her house and children and how wonderful her DH was!

CinnamonJellyBeans · 30/12/2023 13:04

Do you worry that your children may grow up thinking that women are second class?

What do you do with your brain?

Do you have a brain?

category12 · 30/12/2023 13:06

What career did you have that you could just walk back into after years out?

Do you have your own pension?

bottlenaker · 30/12/2023 13:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

VanityDiesHard · 30/12/2023 13:08

SausageCasseroles · 30/12/2023 00:35

Is there a sub/Dom thing going on? Does he make other decisions "for" you? Does he overrule you?

Kinky sex?

I knew a woman who was in a marriage like that, she was very happy. Her husband seemed to have greater control of their finances than the OP's husband does.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 30/12/2023 13:08

I take the trad element to mean a very dominant man, whereas the op just seems more like a typical sahm situation where theres financially no need for the lower earning partner to work - I fall into that category though I do work in a low paid but socially useful role now my kids are grown, I also control the bank accounts being the financially savvy I've!

heartsinvisiblefury · 30/12/2023 13:11

What exactly is a trad wife and how do you differ from a Sahm?

Jacfrost · 30/12/2023 13:12

Sorry OP I know you want to feel somehow edgy by declaring yourself a tradwife but you're just a run of the mill SAHM

Needsomesupport84 · 30/12/2023 13:12

You’re not what I would call a real tradwife if you happen to have a career you can easily pick back up. If you’re encouraging this odd belief that one person has more say simply because they have a penis, I think you need to acknowledge that most women will not have a career to fall back on and are actively shooting themselves in the foot by being financially dependent on a man who can easily turn around and walk out on them when he pleases.

category12 · 30/12/2023 13:14

I think "tradwives" are mostly on social media, monetizing their lifestyle but pretending it's hubby that supports them.

Newsenmum · 30/12/2023 13:14

What’s the difference between a Tradwife and someone who is just staying at home?

do you have many friends?

you say your work made you ill so it sounds like you couldn’t go back?

FucksSakeSusan · 30/12/2023 13:15

You're not a tradwife, you're just in a marriage with fairly traditional gender roles. You have far too much autonomy to count as a tradwife.

Not for me, but each to their own.

Rewis · 30/12/2023 13:15

What do you feel makes you a "tradwife" instead of stay at home mom/wife?

Needsomesupport84 · 30/12/2023 13:15

category12 · 30/12/2023 13:14

I think "tradwives" are mostly on social media, monetizing their lifestyle but pretending it's hubby that supports them.

Yeah the ones who push this basically work full time as social media influencers or freelance journalists and are basically the main breadwinner in their families. Not so trad at all.

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 30/12/2023 13:16

Why does he get the final say? Does his contribution mean more than yours? If he lost his job or became disabled would you then be the one who ‘rules the roost’. It seems very arbitrary to make one person the boss of the house and a terrible example to set to your kids.

EasternStandard · 30/12/2023 13:16

Why use the term ‘tradwife’ over sahm?

Is it about cleaning a lot and obeying a man?

Lelophants · 30/12/2023 13:16

FucksSakeSusan · 30/12/2023 13:15

You're not a tradwife, you're just in a marriage with fairly traditional gender roles. You have far too much autonomy to count as a tradwife.

Not for me, but each to their own.

I agree. You have the luxury of being at home and taking on a traditional gender tole
Because you like it. Do you think men should rule over women and he is the boss? What does this actually look like if so?

Iamacatslave · 30/12/2023 13:17

Do you own a toilet brush?

mangochops · 30/12/2023 13:17

You said you could walk back into your job any time you want but then you say you left because "it made you ill"- so how could you go back if necessary if it makes you ill? this doesn't make any sense

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 13:18

Actually OP I think you’re being very disingenuous with this thread. Your posting history indicates you have two severely disabled children who need full time care, no family support, and you and DH have mused about separation due to the stress of caring for them. I’m not convinced that being a housewife is a choice for you because you love it as much as it’s a necessity because there’s no way you could work with your children having the needs they do.

I really hope you do have some friends, because your life sounds very hard and probably isn’t helped by a husband who seems happy for you to shoulder the majority of the shitwork whilst he “rules the roost.”

Lalalanding · 30/12/2023 13:18

Is being a tradwife a kink/fetish? It looks like it on instagram every time they pop up. It just looks like a genre of sub fantasy in a BDSM relationship. Is your DH a Dom?

Why differentiate between tradwife and SAHM?

Kommm · 30/12/2023 13:19

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:30

Hm well an example from today, I couldn't decide where to go on holiday this year and mulled different options over with DH and he in the end had the final day. This is fine with me, someone has to make a decision eventually and he is paying for it 🤪 (and no he doesn't hold that over me!), far from it actually.

DH keeps an eye on the finances and I get given a set amount every month to cover absolutely everything me and the DC need (and more TBH). However all of our bank accounts, savings etc are in joint names and I know how to access them easily if I would ever need to but we have an understanding that certain accounts are "his" to oversee.

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How much is that amount, and what does it cover?

Are you “allowed” spending for luxuries rather than needs? If so for what sort of things.

Sususudio · 30/12/2023 13:19

You are not a tradwife. You are just a garden variety SAHM. Nothing wrong with that; I have been one myself.

cardibach · 30/12/2023 13:19

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/12/2023 02:52

Because I was bored shitless the 3/4 times I've been off work for career breaks. I couldn't think of anything worse. I like to keep busy.

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And you can’t think of any thing to keep you busy unless it’s directed by a boss? Sounds a bit unimaginative. I do very little paid work these days. I’m not bored and I’m pretty busy.