I'm a tradwife AMA

[Loopyloooooo]

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

I think Loopyloooooo has goneeeeeeeee....

And a well built house, with windows! 😄

You're a stay-at-home-mum and homemaker, not a tradwife @Loopyloooooo You would not have joint accounts and full access to all the money if you were.

🤣
Pa from little house on the prairie was pretty hot.
That probably explains some of the cos play appeal 🤣

@ComtesseDeSpair I don't know how to sleuth on here so I thank you for that information, definitely more perspective.

@Tracker1234 I can't speak for OP but I am a carer for my DC, so even though its 77 quid a week, they pay into my pension.
I never had a career, I had jobs I loved but we're talking elderly care which isn't a problem to find should my DCs needs improve and I can return to work.
But if op is a carer for her disabled kiddos as detective de spair discovered, op will have her state pension taken care of, if she claims carers allowance.
If she doesn't then she won't, but hopefully she does have that in place at the minimum.

OP I hope you're reet hen! 💐
My DP is our earner because I was struggling with my job being physically exhausting and back breaking and then home to my wee lad whos favourite past time is "climb mummy and bite her nose". But DP does 50/50 with me, even though I'm home more than he is, with our sons needs it's actually more of a break working if I'm honest.

You don't really have a career to fall back on if you couldn't manage it and it makes you ill though do you ?

How much does your husband earn?

I was too, I slipped into it after poor mental health made me step back from work and the change became permanent.

After ten years my ExH had an affair (probably more than one) and I left him. Stepping back into work after a break that long isn’t easy at all.

Being a housewife is a legitimate life choice but it’s naive to think you have a back up plan if it all goes wrong. That being said, everyone struggles with a marriage breakdown, going from two incomes to one isn’t easy either.

OK so I don't think OP is coming back. But on the question of what career can you go back to years and years later. I can tell you one, probation officer. I was one for many years and they've always been ludicrously short staffed and it's getting worse. The agency I worked with does a short "rejoiner course" specifically for this scenario. If you've got the qualification they'd take you. You could have been out of it for 30 years.

I hear teachers are in very short supply. I imagine there would be something similar there. There will be other careers like that. So she's not necessarily talking bollocks there!

Aye, it's all fun and games till you are down to your last bag of wheat and your horse is knackered. Then you have to put your bonnet down and go to Tesco's.

When it comes to election, do you vote independently? Can it happen that your votes will go to different candidates?

Why put yourself in a position that your DH rules the roost? You have an equal contribution him financially you at home.

I mean this kindly as an ex recruitment manager please be very sure your career is one you can step back into. I have met lots of SAHM who thought that but found after a few years out that this wasn't the case. I have 3 kids and have always worked very part time because I watched enough woman struggle to go back into careers. One of my children has significant complex support needs or it would have been more hours. Skills, experience and the job market move very quickly.

What was your original career and in which way did it make you unwell?

I agree completely with your assessment @category12 hence why I see the tradwife as a kink/fetish?

I was asking the OP why she was defining herself as a tradwife not a SAHM. I agree there is a big difference.

I was thinking this. And the fact that the husband made the final decision on the holiday only because OP couldn't decide. If she were a tradwife, she would never have had any choice at all in the matter. She could put her wishes to him for his consideration, maybe, but that would be all.

I'm glad you're all happy and it works for you, OP, and no judgement of your choices. But I kind of feel you're looking for a slightly more exotic label to validate the fact that you stopped working because you couldn't hack it and that's kind of it. Being a SAHM is far better than being a tradwife, I'd embrace it.

This puts a different slant on OP's thread

What do you think about the far right trad wife culture in America. Does it not bother you that you are using a term that associates you with a racist sexist ideology?
What's your opinion on the history of feminism and do you acknowledge that without those women fighting for equal rights, it would be a very dangerous world for women, I.e. no right to vote, husbands allowed to abuse their wives?
Any way, each to their own and good luck to you

Hi.

I can understand that you choose to be at home and keep the home. What I don't get is why DH gets to rule the roost.

Surely, since tou are the woman who keeps it all running smoothly, you should be ruling the roost? Or even run a co-operative with DH.

Or does DH merely think he rules the roost.

Why do you need him to ‘rule the roost’?

One partner not working is a choice quite a lot of couples make, it’s this bit that’s unusual. You described him as paying for your holiday earlier, but equally you support him by picking up all the home and kids stuff, and it sounds like that division suits you both.

So - why does the fact he works outside the home give him seniority over you? what does this do to your self esteem? And what happens if he wanted to make a decision around say the kids schooling or healthcare you didn’t think was the right one?

I watched a programme once about traditional marriages and there was one couple who totally lived in the 1930s. Everything in their house was 1930s, their clothes, their car, even their manky cheese grater. I remember the wife saying that if something was not invented in the 1930s they didn't have it in their home. I remember wondering what they did about contraception (and other health/medical issues) as the woman was definitely of fertile age.

Diversion from OP's thread, but I enjoyed the memory.

How do you get enough intellectual stimulation? Do you have a network who are also housewives?

Ha!

Well I hope you’ve entertained yourself OP.

I also hope that this was a joke, and you haven’t adopted tradwife as a subservient kink to try and keep your husband on the porch - it doesn’t sound like he’s much of a knight in shining armour. I hope things get better for your family.

Whether ‘trad wife’ or SAHM’,
I cannot believe how people think that not going out to work would mean a woman has nothing to think about or talk about! A limited world!

Maybe it is the opposite because of having time to read, think, listen to news, and possibly go out to see people or museums etc. Not to say, a woman in this position may also be very creative, knitting, sewing doing upholstery to a virtually professional standard; or writing or collecting information for the family history, for example.

They could have a very active, communicative, social life; or be contributing to a wider community in some way.

On the other hand, getting up, getting children’s breakfast and packed lunch, getting home at six with tired hungry children who have homework, being exhausted, cooking cleaning and dropping into bed wiped-out may make for quite a limited world too -necessary though it might be for financial reasons.

AMA unless it’s questions I don’t want to answer and then I’ll leave the thread! Sounds like you’re a SAHP but trying to make it seem a bit different.

Why does you being a housewife mean that your husband rules the roost?