Page 11 | I'm a tradwife AMA

Loopyloooooo · 2023-12-30T00:14:01+00:00

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are... Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

purpledaze24 · 30/12/2023 18:40

VolvoFan · 30/12/2023 18:07

Childcare has always been a bit weird to me.

You have kids and then you hand them over to complete strangers (at first, obviously your kids cultivate a rapport with their carers/minders over time) while you go off to work.

This is the weird part:

You need the childcare because you can't afford to stay at home.
Your earnings pay for the childcare.
You need to work because you're either single or your husband also works but neither of you earns enough to support the life you both lead with children.

Then you feel guilty because your kids see anyone except you for ~8 hours of the day and they only see you in the morning and in the evening for breakfast and dinner, respectively. This continues well into the school years before they then bugger off to university.

How much of their life have you really spent bonding with them and getting to know them?

You sound like you are blaming parents for this. Don’t you understand how hard the government makes it for many families to not have both parents working? Or are you so rich and out of touch or ignorant to understand many parents do not choose this for their children, yet still (rightly) want and deserve children, who they love just as much as any SAHP?? Even if they do choose to go back to work for other reasons it’s often because if they don’t they will fall so far behind their peers in a career they’ve spent years building, that they may not be able to get back into it once they’re children have grown up then what do they have? They’re 45-50 say, and they have to start again at the bottom of the ladder? It’s a balancing act (sadly STILL mainly for women) and your children aren’t children forever. If you don’t understand all that then you should check your privilege and educate yourself

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:10

I was under an impression that a tradwife is more of a American bible belt suburban phenomenon - someone who married as a virgin at 18, had a couple of kids and never has set a foot out of the door unless it is to spend time with other women as a part of a community circle / church.

Of course, until recently (if at all) people from a devout religious upbringing would never have called themselves a tradwife (this might even be a more secular term.)

They would just call it being a wife, as that's what they'dve thought being a wife entailed.

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:22

Most women (well, most people) wouldn't want to work if they didn't have to. Most people's jobs are not a delight, they just do it to be able to afford things.

It's different slightly if someone has been bitten before by financial dependence in a relationship and so they work in order to ensure that never happens to them again.

SarahAndQuack · 30/12/2023 19:36

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:22

Most women (well, most people) wouldn't want to work if they didn't have to. Most people's jobs are not a delight, they just do it to be able to afford things.

It's different slightly if someone has been bitten before by financial dependence in a relationship and so they work in order to ensure that never happens to them again.

That's terribly sad.

I love my job - can't imagine not wanting to work. Same is true for my whole family, and pretty much everyone I know. I do know one woman who admits she would do a different job if she didn't earn so much - but that is her decision and she's ok with it; she earns shitloads and it's her trade off. It is quite rare for people to not want to work.

setsu · 30/12/2023 19:37

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:10

I was under an impression that a tradwife is more of a American bible belt suburban phenomenon - someone who married as a virgin at 18, had a couple of kids and never has set a foot out of the door unless it is to spend time with other women as a part of a community circle / church.

Of course, until recently (if at all) people from a devout religious upbringing would never have called themselves a tradwife (this might even be a more secular term.)

They would just call it being a wife, as that's what they'dve thought being a wife entailed.

And I'm sure you'd love to go back to those times.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 19:41

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:22

Most women (well, most people) wouldn't want to work if they didn't have to. Most people's jobs are not a delight, they just do it to be able to afford things.

It's different slightly if someone has been bitten before by financial dependence in a relationship and so they work in order to ensure that never happens to them again.

It's never happened to me but one of the reasons why I would never give up my career is due to financial independence, I wouldn't like having to depend on my husband financially.

I've also worked hard to get to where I am in my career and get so much more out of it than just financial gain. I couldn't imagine giving it up.

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:43

@setsu Not really lol I was just saying, if someone is hardcore Bible belt and a believer that's how they'd tend to think.

I love my job - can't imagine not wanting to work. Same is true for my whole family, and pretty much everyone I know

That's great. I would be cleaning, changing incontinence pads, or working on a checkout, for instance. And there are loads of people doing similar levels of work, or in retail or whatever. Jobs, rather than careers.

Idontknow010101 · 30/12/2023 19:48

My question is, do you feel respected, honoured and appreciated in your role? By your husband specifically, but also your children. do you feel you have an equal partnership with your husband, or does he take a superior / dominant role with you and the children?

The trad wife thing terrifies me for the women involved tbh

DriftingDora · 30/12/2023 20:02

Loopyloooooo is now elsewhere, posting on another thread.

Don't think she liked the way this one was going, probably too many awkward questions😄

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 20:06

The trad wife thing terrifies me for the women involved tbh

It's the potential sexual coercion I find a real turn off. I mean, some secular women are redifining trad wife with their husbands.

But for those husbands who believe people should almost always be available to their spouse... maybe if people didn't know any other life they could live that way, but I'd find it quite difficult, and would pretty much rather be single.

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 20:20

And also the basic thing of being financially trapped so it'd be difficult to escape (OP says that's not an issue for her, but it will be for some if their husband turns out abusive.)

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 20:40

Don't think she liked the way this one was going, probably too many awkward questions

Aww, maybe she's carefully preparing her replies in Word.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 30/12/2023 22:10

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 19:41

It's never happened to me but one of the reasons why I would never give up my career is due to financial independence, I wouldn't like having to depend on my husband financially.

I've also worked hard to get to where I am in my career and get so much more out of it than just financial gain. I couldn't imagine giving it up.

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Yes, same.

Obviously my family are my priority but most people can be decent enough partners and parents, it’s not an achievement the way it is to excel in a career.

purpledaze24 · 30/12/2023 22:11

Hubby’s clearly discover this thread and banished her from the computer for all these crazy feminist bitches putting ideas in her head 🤣

cardibach · 30/12/2023 22:12

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/12/2023 18:01

As a SAHM with free access to finances, yes. (Providing there was ample disposable income, which was what lacking for me).

But as a trad wife, no. There's a reason women fought long and hard for the semblance of equality we have now.

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That’s not what you sad though. You said you were bored shitless in career breaks. And that you like to keep busy.

Whathappenstomyal · 30/12/2023 22:14

Poor form @Loopyloooooo to start an AMA and then bail so quickly

copiley695 · 30/12/2023 22:14

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:43

@setsu Not really lol I was just saying, if someone is hardcore Bible belt and a believer that's how they'd tend to think.

I love my job - can't imagine not wanting to work. Same is true for my whole family, and pretty much everyone I know

That's great. I would be cleaning, changing incontinence pads, or working on a checkout, for instance. And there are loads of people doing similar levels of work, or in retail or whatever. Jobs, rather than careers.

Coming from someone whose chosen beliefs about women and sexuality are straight out of 1820.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 22:15

TooOldForThisNonsense · 30/12/2023 22:10

Yes, same.

Obviously my family are my priority but most people can be decent enough partners and parents, it’s not an achievement the way it is to excel in a career.

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Exactly.

It doesn't provide the same intellectual stimulation either.

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/12/2023 22:28

Whathappenstomyal · 30/12/2023 22:14

Poor form @Loopyloooooo to start an AMA and then bail so quickly

She's not a tradwife so she might as well.

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/12/2023 22:31

VolvoFan · 30/12/2023 18:07

Childcare has always been a bit weird to me.

You have kids and then you hand them over to complete strangers (at first, obviously your kids cultivate a rapport with their carers/minders over time) while you go off to work.

This is the weird part:

You need the childcare because you can't afford to stay at home.
Your earnings pay for the childcare.
You need to work because you're either single or your husband also works but neither of you earns enough to support the life you both lead with children.

Then you feel guilty because your kids see anyone except you for ~8 hours of the day and they only see you in the morning and in the evening for breakfast and dinner, respectively. This continues well into the school years before they then bugger off to university.

How much of their life have you really spent bonding with them and getting to know them?

None at all. We working parents don't know who our kids are and have no bond and know nothing about them. You totally got us.

Also, I think it's best you don't return to the workplace. I've had to work alongside people whose reasoning and critical thinking skills were at this level and we would all have benefited from them doing something else.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 22:36

@SarahAndQuack

It is quite rare for people to not want to work.

LOL no it's not. Not when it comes to basic ordinary low paid JOBS. The majority of people would give up work if they suddenly won a couple of million £££ on the Lottery!

ScrollingLeaves · 30/12/2023 22:37

Maybe Loobylooo thought ‘Tradwife’ just meant a traditional wife? Not everyone knows about the role-play or religious versions.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 22:41

porridgeisbae · 30/12/2023 19:22

Most women (well, most people) wouldn't want to work if they didn't have to. Most people's jobs are not a delight, they just do it to be able to afford things.

It's different slightly if someone has been bitten before by financial dependence in a relationship and so they work in order to ensure that never happens to them again.

I agree!

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 22:41

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 22:36

@SarahAndQuack

It is quite rare for people to not want to work.

LOL no it's not. Not when it comes to basic ordinary low paid JOBS. The majority of people would give up work if they suddenly won a couple of million £££ on the Lottery!

Edited

Winning big on the lottery doesn't involve depending financially on someone else though, so different than the typical SAHM scenario.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 22:43

COMPLETELY missed my point @SouthLondonMum22