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AMA
Original poster

I'm a tradwife AMA

288 replies

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:14

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

OP posts:
LittleMrsPretty · 30/12/2023 00:26

Will you go back to work once children have left the home?

Malarandras · 30/12/2023 00:26

How do you have a ‘career’ you can fall back on when you haven’t done it in years though? No professional job works like that, things change, skills change and yours get out of date. New people with up-to-date skills get the jobs. I think you are fooling yourself slightly there.

Here’s the thing OP, life throws all sorts of nonsense at you and does so unexpectedly. I went from being married with two kids to being a widow at 36 with 2 kids in the space of 3 weeks. If your husband dies suddenly what then? Can you stand on your own two feet - and I am not just taking money here. Who are you without him, do you know?

Dotcheck · 30/12/2023 00:29

What ( in your opinion) is the difference between a stay at home mum and ‘tradwife’?

Do you truly believe your husband believes you are equal?

StBrides · 30/12/2023 00:30

Op how do you define tradwife because so far you sound like a stay at home mum?

To me, tradwife means not just being a stay at home mum, but allowing the husband to make all the decisions and have full financial control of the home and family

Original poster
Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:30

olderbutwiser · 30/12/2023 00:18

Can you give me an example of something you as a couple do differently to a non-trad couple? Some of the decisions your husband makes on your behalf?

Hm well an example from today, I couldn't decide where to go on holiday this year and mulled different options over with DH and he in the end had the final day. This is fine with me, someone has to make a decision eventually and he is paying for it 🤪 (and no he doesn't hold that over me!), far from it actually.

DH keeps an eye on the finances and I get given a set amount every month to cover absolutely everything me and the DC need (and more TBH). However all of our bank accounts, savings etc are in joint names and I know how to access them easily if I would ever need to but we have an understanding that certain accounts are "his" to oversee.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 00:30

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:23

Not religious no. My children are two happy parents working hard to support each other and their well being. Id be very happy if any of my children has high flying careers or chose to stay at home to raise a family (so long as they can afford it and are happy of course).

Show quote history

You missed one of my questions.

When you say DH rules the roost, what do you mean? Can we have some examples?

demonheed · 30/12/2023 00:33

Right, so you're a sahm 😅

abdlfp · 30/12/2023 00:33

Are you doing it because you believe men are superior and should be 'ruling the roost' or because you can't be bothered to work and adopting this lifestyle gives you an easy reason not to.

SausageCasseroles · 30/12/2023 00:35

Is there a sub/Dom thing going on? Does he make other decisions "for" you? Does he overrule you?

Kinky sex?

abdlfp · 30/12/2023 00:35

Also as others have said how are you different to a stay at home Mum?

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 00:38

abdlfp · 30/12/2023 00:35

Also as others have said how are you different to a stay at home Mum?

This. The "DH made a final decision on where to go on holiday" is hardly doesn't make you any different to lots of just typical SAHMs.

Does he tell you what to wear? Does he control what happens in the bedroom? Are you allowed to socialise with "typical" women? What happens of you do something he doesn't like?

HP89 · 30/12/2023 00:42

Do you iron the bed sheets?

ihavebadteeth · 30/12/2023 00:51

What does your DH do for a living?

LemonJeIIy · 30/12/2023 00:59

What career did you have? What did you do?

MistletoeandJd · 30/12/2023 01:00

Curious what yourself (op) class as tad wife but also what everyone else classes too ?

festivetinseling · 30/12/2023 01:00

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 00:30

You missed one of my questions.

When you say DH rules the roost, what do you mean? Can we have some examples?

Show quote history

That would be my question too. What do you mean by he rules the roost? In what way?

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2023 01:02

Do you volunteer, or will you do so when your children are older? Or do you play a part in the community that paid work would get in the way of?

SarahAndQuack · 30/12/2023 01:02

Surely you are just a SAHM? Not that there is anything wrong with that - sounds lovely.

But the 'tradwife' movement is something quite different.

mrsfollowill · 30/12/2023 01:07

You've not answered any of my questions! You sound like a SAHM which is fine if it suits your family - how much does DH have the final say in? I just find it bizarre.

Singleandproud · 30/12/2023 01:23

@MistletoeandJd my understanding of the tradwife movement is that it is similar to a 1920s housewife prior to women's rights so husband's word is law, wife has no independent access to money, wife is responsible for home and children, wife does not argue with husband, husband makes all decisions. I believe it's becoming more popular with conservative, religious sects in America.

The OP sounds less of what I understand a tradwife to be and more of a runof the mill SAHM/housewife who has a say in what happens with money and other family matters but remains responsible for the home and children

Lwrenagain · 30/12/2023 02:28

I am really interested in this, I have tons of questions, sorry! 😂

Do you wear the 1950s pin up style look/dress up and wear make-up just to hoover and cook etc?

Do you ever stay in pjs and watch crap comfort TV shovelling malteasers in your face?

Does he do any chores? If you're unwell does the house go to chaos whilst you're in bed?

Do you have a social life and friendship group? If so are they also trad wives? If not are you met with intrigue/maybe jealousy?

Do you think he'd mind if you wanted to return to work?

What if he makes a choice you very strongly disagree with?

Has Stacey Dooley slept over at your house?

Do you think about it on a deeper level than perhaps I think about being a sahp?
So for me it's no big life choice, one of my dc needs me at home due to being his carer so it's just his needs dictate I no longer have a job. For you, are you someone who has carefully considered this as a way of life and has opinions close to tate bros/candace owens/Brett cooper/Ben shapiro types?

Do you have a show home with meals exculsively cooked from scratch every single night?

Do you do normal things together? Cinema/restaurants/gigs or shows?

Most importantly - are you happy with this set up? That's key here for me, you being happy 😊

coxesorangepippin · 30/12/2023 02:30

Is the house in your name too?

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/12/2023 02:40

Aren't you bored?

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 30/12/2023 02:43

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/12/2023 02:40

Aren't you bored?

Typical MN. Why should she be bored? I worked (full time) for nearly 50 years and was bored senseless for a huge chunk of that time. Now I'm retired and I enjoy every day, and never get bored.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 30/12/2023 02:52

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 30/12/2023 02:43

Typical MN. Why should she be bored? I worked (full time) for nearly 50 years and was bored senseless for a huge chunk of that time. Now I'm retired and I enjoy every day, and never get bored.

Show quote history

Because I was bored shitless the 3/4 times I've been off work for career breaks. I couldn't think of anything worse. I like to keep busy.