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AMA

I'm a tradwife AMA

288 replies

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:14

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 30/12/2023 14:15

Diamondcurtains · 30/12/2023 13:33

I don’t know what a trad wife is or how it’s different to just not working. My kids are all over 16. I haven’t worked since going on maternity leave with my 2nd child. I just call myself a SAHM 🤷

What’s the cut off for being a SAHM vs unemployed? Surely you aren’t a SAHM if they’re all over 16?

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/12/2023 14:17

Thanks for that, @ComtesseDeSpair . I obviously retract what I said about it simply being OP not being able to hack working, but yes, clearer than ever that this isn't a tradwife arrangement...and that's a good thing, even if OP's personal situation isn't. Imagine being a tradwife, an actual one, under those conditions.

I don't think you need labels, OP... except maybe "trooper".

laveritable · 30/12/2023 14:18

Good for you OP! If this works well for you and yours : SO BE IT!!!

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 14:18

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:54

Aye, it's all fun and games till you are down to your last bag of wheat and your horse is knackered. Then you have to put your bonnet down and go to Tesco's.

Edited

😂

AGREE about Pa from 'Prairie' He was gorgeous. Those EYES! Grin

They were a good looking family actually. Smile

My mum proper fancied Pa Ingalls. My dad fancied Brigette Bardot though, so fairplay! 😆

I'm a tradwife AMA
I'm a tradwife AMA
I'm a tradwife AMA
FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 14:20

Christmasapple · 30/12/2023 13:52

I was too, I slipped into it after poor mental health made me step back from work and the change became permanent.

After ten years my ExH had an affair (probably more than one) and I left him. Stepping back into work after a break that long isn’t easy at all.

Being a housewife is a legitimate life choice but it’s naive to think you have a back up plan if it all goes wrong. That being said, everyone struggles with a marriage breakdown, going from two incomes to one isn’t easy either.

Yeah this. Some posters on MN do make out that if you don't work for some years (to raise your family,) and become a SAHM, you are going to be Royally fucked if he leaves you. Do they seriously think it's going to be a breeze if you have a job, and he leaves you? Living alone these days is fucking hard, in fact nigh on impossible for many.

I know a few singletons and they have fuck-all once the bills and rent are paid. No social life, no luxuries, no holidays, nothing. It's grim. I even know a few who house-share now as they cannot afford to live alone. They're not 19 y.o. who just left home, they're in their 30s! A women who has stayed at home (and has kids) will very likely end up being given some kind of settlement and pay off as he will have to keep her in the life she is accustomed to and pay for the kids. He can't just fuck off and leave and give her and their kids fuck-all. Doesn't work like that!

A woman who works when she is married with kids, will be no better off than a woman who stayed at home! Especially as in real life - and not on mumsnet - most women have basic, minimum pay jobs! Many women who finish work to raise their kids, don't give up a 'career,' they give up their job on the checkout in Morrisons, or behind the counter in Greggs, or as an admin assistant for a local factory. Whilst I have respect for anyone who works, and think everyone is worthy and important no matter what their job, let's not kid ourselves that it's 'giving up a career' if you are a shop assistant, or a factory worker, or a barista, or a barmaid.

Women who have actual professional careers - and are very successful at what they do - and are well paid, don't 'give up their career.' They take maternity leave for a short spell and return pretty sharpish - part time for a while. This type is much fewer than the first type - (the minimum pay non-professionals.)

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 14:21

@FreshWinterMorning that’s a very <ahem> Mr Darcy-esque picture of Pa Ingalls on the right there…

FreshWinterMorning · 30/12/2023 14:22

LoreleiG · 30/12/2023 14:21

@FreshWinterMorning that’s a very <ahem> Mr Darcy-esque picture of Pa Ingalls on the right there…

Grin
NonPlayerCharacter · 30/12/2023 14:24

A woman who works when she is married with kids, will be no better off than a woman who stayed at home! Especially as in real life - and not on mumsnet - most women have basic, minimum pay jobs!

Is this true? I'm not doing the six-figure or six-figure-DH thing but...are both these assertions true?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/12/2023 14:24

while this thread is quite an interesting conversation, it’s a shit AMA. As soon as the OP realised she was simply a SAHM and had no understanding of what a tradwife actually is, she buggered off 😂

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 30/12/2023 14:26

If the OP has made a personal choice to be a SAHM, she is not a 'tradwife'.
If she can't see this then she needs to take a good look at herself, her understanding of freedom, and her understanding of women who are coerced and controlled in their lives.

YouJustDoYou · 30/12/2023 14:28

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/12/2023 14:24

while this thread is quite an interesting conversation, it’s a shit AMA. As soon as the OP realised she was simply a SAHM and had no understanding of what a tradwife actually is, she buggered off 😂

LOl yes, spotted that too.

moonlitwalks · 30/12/2023 14:30

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 13:18

Actually OP I think you’re being very disingenuous with this thread. Your posting history indicates you have two severely disabled children who need full time care, no family support, and you and DH have mused about separation due to the stress of caring for them. I’m not convinced that being a housewife is a choice for you because you love it as much as it’s a necessity because there’s no way you could work with your children having the needs they do.

I really hope you do have some friends, because your life sounds very hard and probably isn’t helped by a husband who seems happy for you to shoulder the majority of the shitwork whilst he “rules the roost.”

Edited

Quite. I agree with this.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 14:30

ScrollingLeaves · 30/12/2023 14:14

Whether ‘trad wife’ or SAHM’,
I cannot believe how people think that not going out to work would mean a woman has nothing to think about or talk about! A limited world!

Maybe it is the opposite because of having time to read, think, listen to news, and possibly go out to see people or museums etc. Not to say, a woman in this position may also be very creative, knitting, sewing doing upholstery to a virtually professional standard; or writing or collecting information for the family history, for example.

They could have a very active, communicative, social life; or be contributing to a wider community in some way.

On the other hand, getting up, getting children’s breakfast and packed lunch, getting home at six with tired hungry children who have homework, being exhausted, cooking cleaning and dropping into bed wiped-out may make for quite a limited world too -necessary though it might be for financial reasons.

What you described isn't accurate either though.

I work full time and I have time to read, think, listen to the news and trips out to museums, see friends etc are pretty standard for weekends.

It is definitely tiring but then I've seen many SAHM's describe what they do as tiring as well.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/12/2023 14:33

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/12/2023 14:24

A woman who works when she is married with kids, will be no better off than a woman who stayed at home! Especially as in real life - and not on mumsnet - most women have basic, minimum pay jobs!

Is this true? I'm not doing the six-figure or six-figure-DH thing but...are both these assertions true?

It is correct that on the whole, women earn less than men but the average salary in this country doesn't just apply to men and it isn't minimum wage.

Plenty of largely female dominated careers such as teaching & nursing as an example pay more than minimum wage.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2023 14:33

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:19

@Singleandproud I have a career I could get back into if I needed to and it's the type of job where they will always be short and bite your arm off if you want to return.

I have a life insurance and a pension.

But why can't you do what suits without your husband being 'in charge'?

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/12/2023 14:35

ScrollingLeaves · 30/12/2023 14:14

Whether ‘trad wife’ or SAHM’,
I cannot believe how people think that not going out to work would mean a woman has nothing to think about or talk about! A limited world!

Maybe it is the opposite because of having time to read, think, listen to news, and possibly go out to see people or museums etc. Not to say, a woman in this position may also be very creative, knitting, sewing doing upholstery to a virtually professional standard; or writing or collecting information for the family history, for example.

They could have a very active, communicative, social life; or be contributing to a wider community in some way.

On the other hand, getting up, getting children’s breakfast and packed lunch, getting home at six with tired hungry children who have homework, being exhausted, cooking cleaning and dropping into bed wiped-out may make for quite a limited world too -necessary though it might be for financial reasons.

I think that women who have chosen to stay at home with small children rather than have a career can absolutely have fulfilled lives and things to talk about - including the things you’ve listed. A “tradwife” woman who has self-proclaimedly made her house and her husband the focus of her world and says that she defers to her husband’s authority, will and decision-making is a different kettle. That sort of lifestyle is (thankfully) alien to most women in the UK nowadays and is going to make it very difficult to develop friendships because there will be little common ground and it’s difficult for most women who see themselves as equal to men to say nothing.

Bigcoatweather · 30/12/2023 14:38

So this thread hasn’t gone well, then 😄

HouseofCardsComesATumblingDown · 30/12/2023 14:39

Desecratedcoconut · 30/12/2023 13:54

Aye, it's all fun and games till you are down to your last bag of wheat and your horse is knackered. Then you have to put your bonnet down and go to Tesco's.

Edited

🤣🤣

I'd love to wear a bonnet.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 30/12/2023 14:45

Am sooo jealous, I would've loved that life but unfortunately I was a single parent when my kids were young and HAD to work. I would have loved the choice though. Enjoy, if your 😃

Justgorgeous · 30/12/2023 14:53

What example are you setting your children when a man “Rules the Roost” ?

Globe22 · 30/12/2023 14:54

Running, singing, politics (thankfully we are mostly not Tory voters) theatre, tv, rarely domestics, our jobs sometimes. But that may be tedious to you of course.

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 14:55

Loopyloooooo · 30/12/2023 00:19

@Singleandproud I have a career I could get back into if I needed to and it's the type of job where they will always be short and bite your arm off if you want to return.

I have a life insurance and a pension.

Having been out of your career for 15 years, I very much doubt they’d be biting your hand off to return.

Uricon2 · 30/12/2023 14:59

I LOVED Little House on the Prairie! Actually, Ma and Pa Ingalls seemed to have a very happy marriage and she was no doormat or lacking a mind of her own. I doubt many women in those (hard) circumstances were, whatever the nutso religious Right who promote the "real" tradwife ideology would have you believe.

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 15:00

OP, please could you ask your DH for permission to answer all our questions?

basculin · 30/12/2023 15:06

Why do you think it's women who are expected to stay at home and obey their husbands and not the other way around?

What's the difference between a housewife and a tradwife?