I'm a tradwife AMA

[Loopyloooooo]

I'm a "tradwife" aka a traditional housewife. Not sure anyone would be interested but AMA if you are...

Married for 15 years, 3 DC aged 13-7. I would describe myself as a housewife rather than as a SAHM and yes DH rules the roost.

There’s a big possibility the OP’s mental health is better than yours?

What happens when you disagree with your DH? Do you have to squash your own opinions and go along with his?! And how on earth does that work with your mental health?

I highly doubt it given her posting history. Particularly the one on the SN children board.

Top tip @Loopyloooooo if you want to do something like this again. Be sure to namechange...

I loved being a SAHM. I’d worked for many years before children and worked again when youngest started seniors and I’d choose being at home over working any day. The only thing I wouldn’t choose is having no money of my own (like OP I had an ‘allowance’). Once we split up I had a very good CS which enabled me to continue being at home for a number of years. I loved being at home but I hated not having my own money so it was double edged.

There are so many families where one partner relies financially on the other, either because one has a much lower income or because one decides to be the carer for the children. Why all the questions about what she would do if her DH could no-longer provide the main income? She's a SAHM of which there are many on MN!

AMA but not that, or that , or that.........
There is often an abused woman behind a 'tradwife' moniker.
Not the insta for likes BS, but very old fashioned 'man gets food, woman cooks food' bollocks.

Sorry I don’t understand what you mean?

this is the Bible passage most trad wives base things on from proverbs 31 NIV USA version ... they haven't read it very carefully!!

[a]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

the interesting thing is she seems to run her own business and has employees and when she buys land with her profits it doesn't appear she consults her husband, in fact he values her judgment and leaves the financial management to her while he does politics which is what this verse means (Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.) So even in 800 BC it was not seen as outrageous for a woman to own property or have her own business

You’re a stay at home mum with no say over your life. It sounds tedious and a cop out.

Well even on MN you'd be surprised at how many don't consider the finances long-term.
Many can't afford childcare, I sympathise. Especially if the lower earner was in a 'job' not everyone has a career it costs the family more to have two working parents.
But many others don't think 'what if my DH got made redundant?' Or similar.

Personally as much as I love my job, I hate the BS that comes with work. Pointless meetings, dealing with incompetents, etc. I'd love to stay at home doing my own projects.

However 2 'lower' earners earn more than one higher earner and knowing so many people struggling after being made redundant, disability etc I wouldn't dare. Fair enough if we had a plan in place to sustain 2 years at least without the main earner. 6 months is not enough these days,

What she says. Some women are coerced into submissive roles, others get off on it and like their Head of Household to spank/beat them if they get out of line.

You keep mentioned you have a career you can fall back on. I can’t think of any well paying careers that would accept you back on a decent salary / the level you were at after say 10+ years out of the workforce. What is this career you mention?

This is all well and good and I know you think you can just jump back into a career if he leaves but can you really? What's the plan if he leaves when you are in your 50s for example?

I had to start completely again after only a two year break as things move fast in the working world.

I don’t know what I am. I just don’t work. I was a full time carer for my son until a year ago. I don’t have any intention of returning to work though. I suppose I don’ t regard myself as unemployed because I’m not looking for or wanting employment 🤷

Yup- all the very well paid jobs I know of, you can't just walk right back in after a very long break. Tech/IT, consultancy, professional health jobs, legal profession etc etc all require you to stay up to date with professional advancements. Sorry but I call BS on that.

Also, isn't this supposed to be AMA?- why did you just disappear after like, 2 questions?

I manage to work fulltime, earn the same as DP and do homesteady stuff 🤷‍♀️ it's not an either or. Having been completely done over by a previous 'tradhub' and left penniless on my arse with children in tow that ain't happening again on my watch.

If you ARE a tradwife OP please make real sure your finances are in order because none of us think it will happen to us!

@Cottagecheeseisnotcheese
Exactly so!

Well, this is an absolutely shit AMA isn't it?

As a SAHM with free access to finances, yes. (Providing there was ample disposable income, which was what lacking for me).

But as a trad wife, no. There's a reason women fought long and hard for the semblance of equality we have now.

Well a 'SAHM' stays home to look after kids. I'd consider you a carer. The fact that you're caring for a child doesn't really matter it's an important job that if you did not do, would need paid staff. Others care for their spouses, parents, whatever.

Quite frankly what people want to do isn't anybody else's business. If a man wants to pay for a woman (or vice versa) to sit at home fiddling about with nonsense all day that's his/her call. No need for all these labels.

Childcare has always been a bit weird to me.

You have kids and then you hand them over to complete strangers (at first, obviously your kids cultivate a rapport with their carers/minders over time) while you go off to work.

This is the weird part:

You need the childcare because you can't afford to stay at home.
Your earnings pay for the childcare.
You need to work because you're either single or your husband also works but neither of you earns enough to support the life you both lead with children.

Then you feel guilty because your kids see anyone except you for ~8 hours of the day and they only see you in the morning and in the evening for breakfast and dinner, respectively. This continues well into the school years before they then bugger off to university.

How much of their life have you really spent bonding with them and getting to know them?

I would genuinely love not to work and happy with the kinky sex... and could develop talents in craft. So I'm a bit fascinated. But doesnt look like op is coming back

Wouldn't be happy with actual male domination day to day.

I work because I want to work, not because I have to. I also don't feel guilty at all about it.

I still spend a lot of quality time with my DS.

You must be very easily confused. Maybe it’s just as well you decided to quit the world of work.

You just sound like a rich stay at home mum. I wouldn’t work either if we could afford it. I don’t understand what makes you a trad with. You just sound well off and privileged!